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my husbands son

(8 Posts)
user1465822474 Tue 01-Oct-19 10:53:23

AIBU to expect DH's 37 year old son, who has lived with us for nearly six months rent free (and who I got his only paid part time job in over 8 years through a friend) to say thank you when he finally moved out?
I work from home and for a large proportion of that time he's been in the house, draining the broadband width we have available by streaming video games in his room. This has had the effect of slowing my work down to snails pace and he managed to crash internet completely when DH was running an online training course to 20 people in virtual classrooms. But aside from that, he never did any cleaning, called the house 'untidy' (it has been because I am also an artist and when I have a sale or exhibition coming up it does tend to overflow onto most available spaces, but he knew that beefore he moved in). In all the time he was here he bought us 2 drinks when out (he has got some money- £21,000 in the bank), used the last of things without replacing them (we got him a small cheap car and insured it for him so he could easily get to a shop).
He's been made redundant 3 times and seems to think the world owes him something. I don't know anyone his age who hasnt been made redundant at least once and its not as if life has given him any other knocks so I dont get this attitude. I'm just feeling really cross that he didnt say thank you to me or DH. DH has just driven 400 miles to his new accomodation (he's a student) in time for term. No thanks for that either. We're certainly not rich, depite working very hard, and there is no reason for him to take us for granted on that basis!

OpiesOldLady Tue 01-Oct-19 10:58:39

Allowing him to live there rent free when he has ample savings in the bank and buying him a car... well you've just enabled his childlike behaviour.

Yanbu to want a thank you... but really, did you honestly expect one? He sounds like a complete manchild.

AmIThough Tue 01-Oct-19 11:07:35

YANBU but did you really expect any gratitude from this man child?

user1465822474 Tue 01-Oct-19 11:41:25

yep this is all sad but true. Because he's DH's son I've not had any say in it. , although I have been telling DH over and over that its time he grew up. The Son had a nervous breakdown 4 years ago after his last redundancy and then became an alcoholic which he has recovered from after his mother (DH's ex wife) sent him to very expensive rehab. So now DH's family treat him like a baby and see all help as rehabilitation that he needs and isn't actually people being kind. I think this is where the entitlement comes from and DH has been expected to join in because he's his dad.

yearinyearout Tue 01-Oct-19 13:10:39

37? Is that a typo?

user1465822474 Tue 01-Oct-19 14:04:23

no, he's 37. really. After 2 years of living with him mum and her partner, got chucked out because the partner cound'nt stand him loafing about the house all day instead of going out and trying to get a job. I know exactly how he must have felt. So then he stayed with DH's brother and wife for 18 months until the wife threatened to leave if he did'nt so it became 'our turn' for the extremely long 'summer'' that has lasted from the beginning of May until yesterday (he's doing a part time course back where DH's brother and wife live). I wonder how many other partners put up with their other halfs adult kids freeloading long term? Reason I'm posting this is because other than this situation I dont know anyone, so its difficult to judge what to put up with and what not. So I just put up basically. One friend thinks Im a saint (ha!) and another thinks it would be lovely to have her adult son live with her and I should'nt complain!!

AmIThough Tue 01-Oct-19 15:21:50

I think you're a saint and he's a piss taker.
If he wasn't working he should have taken on the housework as a gesture at the very least!

He shouldn't have accepted any money and should have been contributing financially as it seems he could afford to do so!

Aquamarine1029 Tue 01-Oct-19 15:44:13

Sweet Jesus. All of you need to stop coddling and enabling this loser. If you don't, he'll be back in your home before you know it. I would be telling my husband in very clear language that this ingrate will never, ever be living with us again.

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