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I Know I Sound Pathetic

(3 Posts)
feefaa Thu 19-Sep-19 10:33:11

Older child work in a care home which can mean12/13 hour shifts. She doesn't pay dig money ('I'm short'), spends her income which isn't too far off from what I earn - on going out etc, rarely helps with cleaning etc, goes out 4/5 days in a row, won't eat family evening meals saying 'i'm tired'.
She asked for a lift to work yesterday. 40 min drive, left at 7.25am so I could get to work for 9am. Busy at work, then had a meeting which finished at 9.30pm. went to pick her up from her work when she said - can you take me to all night pharmacy, i think I'm coming down with something.
My reaction - why didn't you go at lunch?
Her - I can't leave care home at lunch.
I was xissed off and moaned about it but still took her.She refused to get out the car because I moaned about it.
And today she's ignoring my texts when I ask - do you want a gp appt?
At 22 she's never made her own way to drs appts.
I know I'm pathetic and don't have a backbone etc but it's good to put thoughts into writing.

feefaa Thu 19-Sep-19 10:37:26

23, not 22

Span1elsRock Thu 19-Sep-19 10:48:15

My DDs still live at home, and are 24 and 22. They are fully fucntioning adults who make GP/Dentist appointments, get themselves to and from work, do their own rooms and laundry at home, and pay £100 a month housekeeping each (token gesture as they are both saving). They are also expected to empty the dishwasher/run the hoover round on occasion and they keep their bathroom clean.

You are still treating her like a child and you need to stop. She's not a child anymore, she's a grown up. It's really hard but you need to guide her into independence, and right now you're smothering her, not mothering. And I mean that kindly. Taking a step back is really hard, but you need to start for both of your sakes flowers

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