No idea where to post this so I'll start here. So as not to drip feed, we are in the US. I am American, lived in the UK for 20 years, married to a Brit, 18 year-old DD born and raised in the UK until we moved back to the US 3 years ago. All 3 of us were on board with the move.
DD has had mental health issues, depression, anxiety, ADHD. She's taken 2 overdoses and was also hospitalized for 2 weeks because she had thoughts of harming herself. She is currently on a few meds, in counselling and her counsellor thinks she may be bi-polar. None of this may be relevant, but just want to put all that out there.
She has a newish boyfriend, 22 years old, very, very nice guy. They are talking of moving in together, no pressure for sex from him. He wants to spend time with DH and I and we think very much of him. He and DD seem very happy together and they share the same values and are both hard working. I have a good feeling in my gut about this relationship. He knows about DD's mental health problems and is fully on board and supportive of her well-being.
Last night her boyfriend revealed that his dad was charged with Third Degree Sexual Exploitation of a Minor 20 years ago. I've done some research and I think it means possession of child pornography. He spent a year in prison and rehab.
DD is really freaked out by it. Boyfriends parents live about 800 miles away, and she met them a few weeks ago when they were here visiting. She said she would never have guessed and he seemed like a really nice man.
She stayed at her boyfriend's this weekend but is coming home later today and said she needs to talk this through with us. DH and I have been discussing this together ahead of time.
I'm not really asking what we should do, just what others thoughts are. Our first reaction is the boyfriend is not who his dad is, this happened when the internet was relatively new and people had easy access to things they didn't previously. DD's initial thoughts are if they had children, she wouldn't want them around boyfriend's father; she wouldn't want to take his name if they married; and what if boyfriend turns out like his dad. Her first point I fully accept. I don't think I'd want my children around their grandfather unsupervised. The not taking his surname thing, I'm not quite sure how I feel, but many women don't take their husband's surname these days (although here in the US most still do). And while you can never really know what someone is truly like, I feel in my gut that boyfriend does not have his dad's child porn "issue" for lack of a better word.
DD and boyfriend are both looking for a relationship, not a fling. DD has had some very negative experiences with guys in her young life and boyfriend seems like a different sort, very caring, responsible, hard working. DD overthinks things and she knows she does (but this issue absolutely needs thinking about). People tend to marry much younger in midwest America and if they can get past this I would not be at all surprised if they married in a couple of years.
Apologies for rambling or if I've given too much information. I just wonder if anybody has any thoughts they would like to share?
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Revelation about DD's boyfriend's father
6 replies
birdseatworms · 25/08/2019 18:44
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