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How to stop worrying and let them get on with their lives

(9 Posts)
Whodeenie Sat 10-Aug-19 09:16:23

I found the teenage years challenging with dd who really pushed the boundaries and was a selfish little shit.
Now that she's older, single after being in a long term steady relationship, and going out and enjoying life, I'm finding it really hard.
I should be happy that she's happy and I am but at the same time I'm a nervous wreck.
Before when she went out I had the comfort of knowing the bf would look after her and they usually stayed at his house so I never saw her coming in drunk or what time they came in.
Now its a different story and I worry about her going out, what she's doing, who she is with and what kind of unquestionable decisions she might make.
I know I will be told that she's an adult and its her choice and life but it doesn't make things any easier.
How do you all cope?

ssd Sat 10-Aug-19 09:19:12

Same as you, with difficulty.
I trust my boys, it's everyone else I don't trust.

Tamarapudding Sat 10-Aug-19 11:27:55

Doesn't get any easier. I thought it was hard when they were little, then teenagers but it just continues. Different set of worries to when they were younger and I guess it will never end tbh.
Whenever I try to give advice I get the "I'm an adult, I can do what I want" sort of reply.

Some people seem to sail through parenthood/life and take it all in their stride but I'm an anxious person anyway so it all seems so much worse in my head.

All we can do is be there if we are needed.

ssd Sat 10-Aug-19 15:36:09

I'm anxious too and I do my best not to pass it on. I found when they were small it was exhausting, mine were never sleepers. And we had no help so never any breaks. But as they get older it's things you can't control... Them being in the city centre in the early hours waiting for a taxi.... Going out in their pals new car when they've just passed their test.... Girlfriend's or boyfriends..... Things we can't control anymore.

corythatwas Sat 10-Aug-19 23:06:47

tbh due to dd's health conditions & the ghastly ideas of the educational professionals & some medical professionals, I was a lot more scared when she was 8- that was the time life really seemed full of things I couldn't control.

I have far more trust in dd's ability to spot a decent man than in her former head-teacher's ability to know how to deal with a SN child. She is a lot more sensible and a lot more upright than some of the people who got to make decisions about her when she was younger.

Whodeenie Sun 11-Aug-19 00:50:46

Its a different world to when I was growing up and a world that I don't quite understand with all the social media and expectations of how life "should" be. I think things were a lot more simple in my day.
True ssd its the things we can't control that are so scary and tbh we can't control our kids when they are adults, even though we might try. Its hard.

LoveBeingAMum555 Sun 18-Aug-19 10:23:22

I am going through this at the moment. DS1 (20) moved out a couple of months ago and I thought that it would be easier, but now when I do see him or get messages I only get part of a story and that makes me worry more. DS2 (18) has just passed his driving test and is about to go to University and I worry about him all the time, he is shy and has made the wrong choices about friends in the past, and I want him to make a fresh start when he goes away.

I hope that over time I will get better at this, I am an anxious person anyway and tend to overthink things. I have never been one for smothering my kids either, I have always let them stand on their own feet, I just hope that once DS1 gets used to living away and DS2 is settled at University it will get better!

mcmen71 Sun 18-Aug-19 17:57:31

I'm same always anxious when my teenagers are out not knowing who they are with really gets me anxious.
Example dd1 was out with bf last night he asked to see her today before work and I'll said yes ok. This morning I said I will leave you to meet him she said oh I meeting my friend first she just did not want me to see the new bf. She never let's me see any of the boys she goes out with. It drives me mad. The reason I am a bit over protective of her is she has got hit twice. Once at school and another in a night club.
Dd2 always let's me see her friends that she is meeting.
Dd1 also tells so many lies I find it hard to trust her. She always promises she won't lie again but does it over and over.
I have a long road ahead with her.

Herefortheduration Sun 18-Aug-19 18:50:14

I lived abroad from age 18 and my mum worried in a general manageable way about me. When I'd visit (usually for a month or two at a time), she would worry much more, as she'd see what I was doing on a day to day (or rather night to night) basis and it was a more immediate and intense worry. I will encourage dc to move out ASAP, lol

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