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Am I being unreasonable?

(2 Posts)
Keepsmilingx Fri 09-Aug-19 15:03:26

It’s a long story but here are the basics
I have been with my partner 7 years he has two adult (24&29) children and a 3 year old with me.

His adult children and I always got in until I fell pregnant. His adult son hated it and caused all kinds of trouble.

His ex partner used to work for him and has recently come back to work for him. She always struggled that he left her and I have always been 110% considerate, even when she has been abusive and disgustingly behaved.

Fast forward my partner is now so frightened by his abusive adult son and his ex partner knowing anything about our lives that he is starting to try and lead what feels like a secret life with me. He will even try and ensure that they don’t see me our son or my car at any point for fear of them giving him grief.

His adult son recently produced some convoluted web of lies saying that I was seeing someone else, literally got his dad to the edge and believing him because of the depth he went to. I proved catogorically that it was all Lies but his dad is so worried about his sons reaction he will not confront him about it.

I accept that his son will never be completely out of his life, and acknowledge that because of his violent tendencies his dad finds it hard to deal with him. However I feel that he does need to be dealt with in some way. Unreasonable?

As for the ex I have now got to the point that I would like him to ask her to leave? She is unable to keep her nose out of our lives and regularly tries to discuss me with whoever she thinks will listen.

I completely get that my partner is trapped between our family, an abusive son and a nosey ex who works for him. He feels that if he says anything world war 3 will break out and he is not mentally strong enough to deal with that. I have offered to talk civilly to his ex to try and avoid me getting to the point of wanting her gone completely but she has again been abusive.

I agree with my partner that our lives are private but surely that means that whatever we choose to do, he does not live in fear of the abuse they inflict on him. Not that he hides anything to do with me??

ShippingNews Mon 12-Aug-19 06:00:12

I don't understand why your husband has re- employed his ex ? That seems to be a big part of your problem, really. Ex is now involved in your life through her employment status, and obviously that also leads to greater involvement with the adult children.

A sensible solution would be to stop employing his ex. She and the AC should be living their own lives, with the AC just visiting you sometimes. You and DH need to be able to live a normal life, not creeping around trying to keep your lives a secret !

In your situation I'd give DH a time frame for removing his ex . If he can't or won't fire her, you'll be stuck with this ridiculous situation forever.

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