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So frustrated

(2 Posts)
Gobolino80 Sun 04-Aug-19 13:55:57

Long story but I'll try not to drip feed.
I have a stressful week coming up.
Monday - House viewing at 12 and then to meet the vicar for final arrangements for my Nans funeral which is on Thursday and then straight to funeral home to sort out order of service. My mum, her only child died 25 years ago so me and my brother are next of kin. Brother lives elsewhere so I'm doing majority of organising. And then to bar job in the evening.
Tues - eye injection which wipes out the rest of the day because my vision will be bad.
Weds - Day job and then straight to bar job in the evening
Thursday - Nan's funeral.

Two DC still live at home. DS nearly 21, DD 18. I have been asking them since Friday to tidy their rooms for house viewing on Monday and to sort out what they are wearing to the funeral so that I know it's clean and I don't get a phone call from either of them on Weds to say it doesn't fit, they don't have anything suitable. And just so I know it's done and I don't have to think about it
I finally lose my patience lose my morning and tell them I am sick of nagging about the room tidying before viewings and that they need to do it now and sort out their clothes for funeral. I've pointed out that they are both adults now and get a pretty easy ride at home. Both work full time pay £50 a week rent, which includes food etc. This is considerably less than they would be paying to rent just a room in our local area. DD just listens DS gets defensive and tells me not to tell him about how much it would cost to live elsewhere because it 'pisses him off' and no one should tell their child that they should leave. When I point out the state of his room he starts quoting that people with mental health problems ie depression, anxiety can't live tidily. He had some problems with anxiety a while ago which I fully supported him through, offered to pay for CBT etc, but he turned it down, he briefly tried anti depressants but didn't react well to them.
I said that that wasn't an excuse for the state of his bedroom or ignoring me when I ask him to tidy up. Now he's made me feel bad and that I'm being unreasonable. Help, any advice is appreciated.
I tried to explain to them that I need their help to make this week less stressful but all DS can do is be defensive.

SeaEagle21 Sun 04-Aug-19 14:58:51

You have my sympathies. - you are certainly doing the lions share at home. Your adult children are just that - adults. I'd stop worrying about their clothes - they can wear what they like to the funeral and you shouldn't be worrying about that at all. Re their rooms, you can't physically make them tidy up unfortunately. Personally, I'd say that since this is an important viewing, I'd go in and tidy up myself. No use fighting over it.

After this week is over I'd lay down some rules - toe the line or move out . And I wouldn't take any more crap from either of them. TBH it sounds as if they are used to you being a doormat . Stop doing that and give them a time frame for moving out or taking responsibility for doing their share of the housework. Good luck !

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