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Son moving out this week-what are the rules!

9 replies

Meduse · 15/07/2019 15:23

Looking for advice and reassurance please.We have one son,24, who has a good job and has been living at home since university.He has a long term partner and together they are moving into their own place.Im delighted,excited for them etc but deep down that empty nest bit is showing it s head and I’m also wondering how to play the rules of contact.Im aware it’s “their” home not his and wouldn’t want to turn up unannounced ( it’s about 30 minutes away) but feel sad that “this is it”
Has anyone any thoughts or wise words?

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VirginiaCreeper · 18/07/2019 15:48

My 23 year old moved out last year. he had lived at home for a year after uni and moved half an hour away into a flat. I think the "rules" might be very different if there is a partner involved.
For DS I maintained the sort of contact we had while he was at uni. Perhaps a WhatsApp or Message every couple of days with trivial domestic news. He pops home about once a week for a meal and occasionally stays the night if he's meeting up with old friends from round here.
We have never gone to his place unannounced or uninvited though. I helped him move in and clean up. Went shopping with him to buy some nice things, but I couldn't have done that if he'd been moving in with a partner.
All in all I feel lucky that he's only half an hour away when many adult DC move much father from home.

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TheFaerieQueene · 18/07/2019 15:53

My son moved out last year. The rules are simple. I go over if invited and invite him here regularly.

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Decormad38 · 18/07/2019 17:12

I think it depends on your offspring. Called my daughter up today. Went to hers. Took her for lunch. She calls or texts a few times a week. I would never visit uninvited though. Plus she lives with 4 other girls so it wouldn't be fair.

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catwithnohat · 18/07/2019 17:17

When I left home (several times Smile my mum told me that I could home when I want, bring home who I want and if I came home again I could stay as long as I wanted - but not to bother bringing my dirty laundry for her to do Grin

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catwithnohat · 18/07/2019 17:18

Should also say that as far as I was concerned she could visit when she wanted but she rarely did despite it being less than 100 miles away with good transport inks.

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Mrsjayy · 18/07/2019 17:30

I dont go uninvited she ususlly comes here shift dependent once a week and has dinner we message most days.

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Mrsjayy · 18/07/2019 17:33

She doesn't live far I have a key and sometimes ive gone and waited on deliveries when she first moved in not so much now, i think youneed to play it by ear and try and not over crowd them it is hard but you will work it out.

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Newtknown · 18/07/2019 17:50

Agree it depends on your children. My PIL and parents are all always welcome to come over but I would always prefer they text first to ask / let us know.
How well do you know the partner? Maybe she would be more comfortable to get to know you at your house / restaurants etc. I wouldn't really want MIL here all the time if we didn't already have a good relationship!

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WAA19 · 23/08/2019 10:02

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