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Son moving out this week-what are the rules!

(10 Posts)
Meduse Mon 15-Jul-19 15:23:05

Looking for advice and reassurance please.We have one son,24, who has a good job and has been living at home since university.He has a long term partner and together they are moving into their own place.Im delighted,excited for them etc but deep down that empty nest bit is showing it s head and I’m also wondering how to play the rules of contact.Im aware it’s “their” home not his and wouldn’t want to turn up unannounced ( it’s about 30 minutes away) but feel sad that “this is it”
Has anyone any thoughts or wise words?

VirginiaCreeper Thu 18-Jul-19 15:48:50

My 23 year old moved out last year. he had lived at home for a year after uni and moved half an hour away into a flat. I think the "rules" might be very different if there is a partner involved.
For DS I maintained the sort of contact we had while he was at uni. Perhaps a WhatsApp or Message every couple of days with trivial domestic news. He pops home about once a week for a meal and occasionally stays the night if he's meeting up with old friends from round here.
We have never gone to his place unannounced or uninvited though. I helped him move in and clean up. Went shopping with him to buy some nice things, but I couldn't have done that if he'd been moving in with a partner.
All in all I feel lucky that he's only half an hour away when many adult DC move much father from home.

TheFaerieQueene Thu 18-Jul-19 15:53:56

My son moved out last year. The rules are simple. I go over if invited and invite him here regularly.

Decormad38 Thu 18-Jul-19 17:12:22

I think it depends on your offspring. Called my daughter up today. Went to hers. Took her for lunch. She calls or texts a few times a week. I would never visit uninvited though. Plus she lives with 4 other girls so it wouldn't be fair.

catwithnohat Thu 18-Jul-19 17:17:01

When I left home (several times smile my mum told me that I could home when I want, bring home who I want and if I came home again I could stay as long as I wanted - but not to bother bringing my dirty laundry for her to do grin

catwithnohat Thu 18-Jul-19 17:18:55

Should also say that as far as I was concerned she could visit when she wanted but she rarely did despite it being less than 100 miles away with good transport inks.

Mrsjayy Thu 18-Jul-19 17:30:28

I dont go uninvited she ususlly comes here shift dependent once a week and has dinner we message most days.

Mrsjayy Thu 18-Jul-19 17:33:44

She doesn't live far I have a key and sometimes ive gone and waited on deliveries when she first moved in not so much now, i think youneed to play it by ear and try and not over crowd them it is hard but you will work it out.

Newtknown Thu 18-Jul-19 17:50:07

Agree it depends on your children. My PIL and parents are all always welcome to come over but I would always prefer they text first to ask / let us know.
How well do you know the partner? Maybe she would be more comfortable to get to know you at your house / restaurants etc. I wouldn't really want MIL here all the time if we didn't already have a good relationship!

WAA19 Fri 23-Aug-19 10:02:21

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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