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Son moving out this week-what are the rules!(10 Posts)
Looking for advice and reassurance please.We have one son,24, who has a good job and has been living at home since university.He has a long term partner and together they are moving into their own place.Im delighted,excited for them etc but deep down that empty nest bit is showing it s head and I’m also wondering how to play the rules of contact.Im aware it’s “their” home not his and wouldn’t want to turn up unannounced ( it’s about 30 minutes away) but feel sad that “this is it”
Has anyone any thoughts or wise words?
My 23 year old moved out last year. he had lived at home for a year after uni and moved half an hour away into a flat. I think the "rules" might be very different if there is a partner involved.
For DS I maintained the sort of contact we had while he was at uni. Perhaps a WhatsApp or Message every couple of days with trivial domestic news. He pops home about once a week for a meal and occasionally stays the night if he's meeting up with old friends from round here.
We have never gone to his place unannounced or uninvited though. I helped him move in and clean up. Went shopping with him to buy some nice things, but I couldn't have done that if he'd been moving in with a partner.
All in all I feel lucky that he's only half an hour away when many adult DC move much father from home.
My son moved out last year. The rules are simple. I go over if invited and invite him here regularly.
I think it depends on your offspring. Called my daughter up today. Went to hers. Took her for lunch. She calls or texts a few times a week. I would never visit uninvited though. Plus she lives with 4 other girls so it wouldn't be fair.
When I left home (several times my mum told me that I could home when I want, bring home who I want and if I came home again I could stay as long as I wanted - but not to bother bringing my dirty laundry for her to do
Should also say that as far as I was concerned she could visit when she wanted but she rarely did despite it being less than 100 miles away with good transport inks.
I dont go uninvited she ususlly comes here shift dependent once a week and has dinner we message most days.
She doesn't live far I have a key and sometimes ive gone and waited on deliveries when she first moved in not so much now, i think youneed to play it by ear and try and not over crowd them it is hard but you will work it out.
Agree it depends on your children. My PIL and parents are all always welcome to come over but I would always prefer they text first to ask / let us know.
How well do you know the partner? Maybe she would be more comfortable to get to know you at your house / restaurants etc. I wouldn't really want MIL here all the time if we didn't already have a good relationship!
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