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Another 20yr old having baby

(5 Posts)
Iblinkedandiamold Wed 19-Jun-19 22:56:47

I didn't want to hijacket Rachelanne20's post but I need to vent and hopefully I can sleep. My DS just text me to say his partner is expecting. She is 20 he'll be 20 in a few weeks. He moved a year ago to another country to be with her. I am so upset for a number of reasons, they are not settled, she is controlling and has been nasty to me and family members, I have a feeling that I will be excluded from this baby's life. I am also too young to be a granny. Basically I now know how my parents felt 20 years ago except I didn't push them away.
I was just about to fall asleep when I got the message but now I cant. DS wont answer my calls, he never does, he just communicates through texts.
I know how hard it is bringing up a child when you're young and money is tight.
I suffer from anxiety and depression so this has sent me sprilling.

Iblinkedandiamold Wed 19-Jun-19 22:58:09

Hijack not hi jacket.

Iblinkedandiamold Sat 22-Jun-19 13:57:40

Oh dear I made a massive mistake. I told my family as I needed support and to vent my fears etc. A family member rang my DS to lecture him and now my DS is really pissed off. He has every right to be. I didn't think anyone would contact DS until he told them himself. I didn't think I had to say dont say anything until he tells you. I wanted to prepare them for the news.
My Son will never forgive me for this and I dont blame him one bit. I apologise repeatedly and he said it's fine but I know it's not.
We were so close and now he hates me. sad I am such a idiot.

SeaEagle21 Mon 05-Aug-19 02:05:12

I get the impression that this is "history repeating itself" from your comment about your parents 20 years ago . Were you a mother at the same age ? I've often noticed that our adult children can repeat history like this, having babies at the same age as their parents did.

There isn't anything you can do at the moment. He is living in another country, and maybe he is happy despite the misgivings that you express. I've been in the same predicament , and there isn't anything you can do but wish them well and let them get on with it.

Re your later comment about "venting" to someone who then rang DS, well you can't undo that mess. I'd stop trying to apologise, since it won't get you anywhere. Maybe give it a few days and then send a text saying that if there is anything you can do, or help them with, to let you know....and leave it at that.

You say you've been close in the past - well you can be close again, but his life is changing and there is someone else in his life now. And soon there will be a child who will make you a grandmother (whether you feel old enough or not ! ) . I'd suggest treading carefully , and stop judging his partner because she is going to be part of his life, and yours, forever now.

As a grandparent you have to get used to the idea that you will never again be at the centre of your child's life. His partner and his child will be in that position and you'll be out on the periphery . Once you accept that role , life gets easier because you stop grieving for your past relationship. Take care of yourself, OP.

Lolyora17 Mon 05-Aug-19 02:57:39

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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