Confirmation

[Db2711]

Hello. Need some advice. My oldest son is nearly 22. Recently had issues where he smashed up my house and hit me with a chair. I had him arrested and he went to stay with his grandad. He now wants to come home. Whatever I choose is going to be wrong. He has nowhere to go and I feel like I’ve failed as a mum. It’s making me feel really ill. 😔 any advice will be gratefully received

[justbeniceplease]

Huge backstory to get to that point?

[Db2711]

Yes there is. Too long to type. I’ll try to be short. 3 kids, brought them up on my own. Oldest saw domestic abuse so got out when he was 4. Always resented me not letting him have a relationship with his father due to the fact he would use them as a pawn to get to me and I didn’t want that while they were small. Teenage years were full of anger and resentment but from 15 I always said of any of them wanted a relationship with their father they could. I wouldn’t stop them as they could make up their own minds and he didn’t have to have any contact with me to have a relationship with them. He got in contact, saw him for what he was and still resents me. All of his half siblings are in prison or have died (he didn’t have anything to do with them) Recently had a really good job as a security guard, walked out, said his head was mashed. I had to pick up the pieces. He’s been looking for a job since and not held one down, so I was trying to help him when he flipped. Said I didn’t understand and went mad. If there is anything else you need to know, just ask.

[legalseagull]

He's a grown man not a child! He attacked you and needs to know the consequences of being an abusive bastard. He can go get his own place. Do not let him come home or you're teaching him that he will always get his own way eventually. I fear for the woman he ends up with

[MargotLovedTom1]

Tough shit if he wants to come home. He attacked you and wrecked your house! Agree with PP, he needs to sort himself out with accommodation etc. You can encourage him to see GP re his mental health, but ultimately he is a grown man who has terrorised you and you should not expose yourself to that again.

[Aquamarine1029]

Do not allow him back into your home. Not a chance. He is a grown man and needs to get his shit together. You can't do that for him.

[Db2711]

Thank you. I knew this but I needed to get it clarified. You are all right I just need to find the strength to tell him.