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20 yrs olds having a baby

(6 Posts)
Rachelanna20 Sun 09-Jun-19 03:41:02

My son left home over a year ago with his girlfriend they gave since moved 7 times since then without steady jobs. Now she is pregnant at 19 without a drivers license or diploma. My son deals with depression and anxiety the baby is pushing him over the edge and he wants me to back off with all the worrying. I am not doing well either as they are 1000 miles away struggling. Please any advice would be helpful smile

Aquamarine1029 Sun 09-Jun-19 04:39:28

You need to let them make their own way, and yes, back off. They got themselves into this situation, they need to find a way through it. Feeding into his anxiety will not help him.

blackcat86 Sun 09-Jun-19 05:47:03

Well I hope that you're telling to buck his ideas up. He should be speaking to his GP about his MH issues but ultimately he needs to grow up and care for his baby. Equally, as the pp said, feeding in to his anxiety and babying them both will do not good unless you're going to travel there to help. That woman has a new baby. She needs support not judgement.

Anothertempusername Sun 09-Jun-19 05:48:03

I was pregnant at 34 without a drivers license or diploma 🙌🏻

2eternities Sun 09-Jun-19 18:04:51

I only got my licence when my kids were 4 and 2 lol doesn't really matter. Insurance is a rip off for people their age anyway. They are young but me and DP Had ours at 21 and 23 and survived lol. He's younger than me and by far the most patient parent. Just support them the best you can. They are adults now.

corythatwas Tue 11-Jun-19 10:30:38

I'm 55 without a licence, absolutely fine, brought up two children who are also fine.

I accept that this couple may struggle in all sorts of ways but don't make everything about them a narrative of failure.

Make sure too use language that doesn't turn your ds into a victim; it is not in his interests. The baby is not driving him into depression- he is suffering from depression and needs to see a doctor if he is struggling to function.

When you speak to him, use language that makes it clear that you believe in him and his fiancée, that you understand life is tricky at the moment but that you are sure this will pass and they will handle it well. This is how our children grow- they draw strength from our trust in them.

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