Hi,
So I’ve come on here because I need advice. I’m not a parent, but my issue is my parents and I would like some advice on how to deal with my parents as I’m at a loss (as is the people on TSR and basically everyone else I’ve asked....)
So I am a twenty-year-old 2nd year university student, having moved away for university my problem is okay for the most part of the year.
My parents are very religious, the mass every week sort of parents. I got sent to a catholic primary and secondary school and when I was in school I accepted this, I lived under my parents roof and I would accept their beliefs. However, this has changed. For various reasons, I’m not a catholic anymore and I don’t want to go to mass. And I need advice on how to express my wishes to my parents.
I’ve tried talking to both my parents about this and it always ends in tears, their tears not mine, but I do feel like it’s all for show... I get the whole “we raised you right” and “how can you do this to us.” I’ve given up trying to explain to them why I’m not a catholic. I thought I was very respectful about why I don’t identify with the religion anymore. I could have said that I thought it was a f-ing joke and list all of the reasons to why I thought it was stupid. Instead, I tried to explain to them why I don’t want to go. I tried not to cause offence, when I was 18, and came back for uni for the first time in reading week, I made a joke comparing me being forced to church and prostitution, it was not my finest moment.... Since then, I do believe I’ve grown up and I want to have an adult discussion.
In response to me trying to talk like adults about it, I get the whole “you’re doing this to spite me”, “we are you parents so you do as I say” and that “it’s a mortal sin if you don’t go and we don’t want to go to hell.” I respect their beliefs, keeping my views and sarcastic comments to myself. They never giving me the chance to explain how I feel. Despite what they think, it really isn’t personal.
I also don’t point out that my mum wasn’t raise in a religion and she didn’t become catholic until I was six and my dad stopped going to mass when he was 14 until he was nearly 30 and was getting married to my mum. When my Nan (my mums mum) used to stay they used to drag her (as sixty something year old woman) to mass with ya and when we stayed we would have to be up early so they could collect us to go to mass.
Whilst I don’t believe in going to mass, I am more than willing to compromise. I want to go home to see my friends who I don’t see during the terms and our uni house lease ends in June so I have to go back home. I am more than happy to suggest me going to mass every two weeks. I would go without protest and I’d sit there and (at least try) to look interested, not going on my smart watch during mass etc, and joining in with the relevant prayers. I would get up at stupid o’clock without a fuss and be ready on time, I wouldn’t have to have them come into my room and switch on the light and off (a point I’ve made to my mum and dad about how, as a photosensitive epileptic, it could make me have a fit.) I got told to grow up because, apparently, them not letting me do certain things, after taking my medication, is a lot less dangerous than flicking my light in my bedroom pre-medication when it’s time for church...
In return, I don’t want them making any comments, e.g. them asking me to come to mass, nor telling me about mass or (and this is my favourite) putting Derry Girls on TV (currently mine and my mums favourite show) and making snide remarks about mass and me losing my religion whilst I’m trying to watch TV, it’s not needed, it’s annoying and it’s petty. Personally, I don’t feel like I’m asking too much, I wouldn’t make any comments about what they believe and I kinda want them to get off my back because I don’t go home anymore really because of the church stuff. I know the easy answer is just to suck it up, but I’m an adult and I shouldn’t have too. I don’t force them todo things they don’t agree with, I don’t force my views on them and I have to listen to them spout their views to me and to why I’m wrong about things like abortion and gay marriage. I feel like I’m just asking to be treated with a little respect....
I really wish I was joking about this post, but I’m seriously at a loss as to how to tackle my parents so they listen to me, any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks 🙏🏻
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LeftInTheDust · 17/05/2019 01:11
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