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Would you continue to take and pay for college child to go on holiday?

(40 Posts)
Magicglasses35 Thu 02-May-19 13:39:51

Or is there a cut off point, 18 years old for example?

Planning a family holiday but been telling my oldest all year to get a job (she's in college) so she can go on her own holidays with friends etc... Trying to teach her life lessons and earning her own money.

Also same question for mobile phone contract thinking of cutting it off when it's due for renewal in December.

She is 18

For reference I've never really gone on holiday as a child/ teenager as my parents couldn't afford it. Whereas we took our kids every year/ ever other year.

She might want to come depending on destination but I'm not sure if we should continue paying for her when she is an adult?

Hope this doesn't sound strange!

Magicglasses35 Thu 02-May-19 13:41:02

Also she just takes takes takes, selfish attitude. But all teenagers are really. Don't know if that makes a difference!

Fevertree Thu 02-May-19 13:42:53

Yes I would take her on holiday and pay her mobile contract, assuming she's in full time college. I wouldn't be giving her spending money though or be getting her the latest phone, that's what she needs a job for.

PinkHeart5914 Thu 02-May-19 13:42:56

Yes I would pay, but then my parents never had a cut off age wise for me.

If a cut off was to applied it should be once they have finished studying and are in employment earning money.

She’s just 18, studying to hopefully better herself and have a good life. A bit of support money wise from parents is fine at this stage imo

blackcat86 Thu 02-May-19 13:45:19

If it's a family holiday and she's still living at home then I would probably pay until shes out of education. However if she wants to go away with friends then she needs to get a job. Could you reduce the phone contract? I'm presuming it's useful for you to be able to contact her but you want to be funding everything. Presumably if shes still in education youre still receiving CB until shes 19? I would sit her down and be clear what you will and wont pay for once this ends and that she will need to cover anything else that you wont.

SleepingStandingUp Thu 02-May-19 13:46:05

How many hours is she doing at college? Is she looking for work or not?
How much is holiday?

Honestly at 18 lots of young people are still in school and I think saying if you can't save 1k then you can't come is quite harsh. Saying earn money for others /spending money is fair enough IF it's manageable.

If you can't afford it for all of you, I think you should reconsider going somewhere else until she's finished college.

Lots of people will say YANBU though and at 18 she should be entirely self sufficient and renting her own place /paying you rent / shouldn't be allowed out with you unless she pays entirely for herself

Dontcarewhatimdoing Thu 02-May-19 13:46:41

Yes I think at 18 and still in full time educations she is still dependent on you, and you should take her. She does need to get on and get herself a job though. Could you suggest you will pay for her travel food and accommodation for the holiday, and she needs to provide spending money? I'd let her take over paying for her phone, December gives her plenty of time to get a job before you stop paying.

juneau Thu 02-May-19 13:47:33

If she's in college is she doing a FT course? Is she still living at home? If the answer to those two questions is 'Yes' then I would still be supporting her. My DPs continued to support me until I'd finished uni (although I needed to get a job in the summer holidays if I wanted to have anything more than a basic stipend to live on, which is fair enough I think, being as uni holidays are at least 3 months in the summer). I didn't want to go on holiday with them though - I wanted to go away with my friends or bf.

BlackPrism Thu 02-May-19 13:49:45

My mum pays for my phone contracts and I'm 23 and don't live at home... 😂 she's said she'll stop when I get the living wage. I think you're being cruel tbh, she'll resent being cut off and I would if I were her. Stop when she has a full time job.... not when she's at college ffs

DelurkingAJ Thu 02-May-19 13:49:59

My DPs took us away until we ere no longer in FT education. I had a job in the holidays from 16 but DM enjoyed our company (I quote) and was happy to cover us. If I’d had to pay I might have chosen to spend my hard earned cash doing other things!

Someoneonlyyouknow Thu 02-May-19 13:57:03

If you haven't discussed this with her before it's going to be a bit of a shock if you overnight want her to start paying her way. But you should be talking about this and looking ahead. If getting paid work would be difficult she could look at voluntary opportunities or help at home. All teenagers are not selfish, self-absorbed yes. She needs to be thinking about her future and given some responsibility for shaping that

Purpleartichoke Thu 02-May-19 13:58:19

As long as she is in school full time and taking it seriously, I would cover her expenses. That includes family holidays.

Stuckforthefourthtime Thu 02-May-19 14:03:03

Depends if you want her there. My mum has always wanted family holidays but wants us to pay our own way. That's fine for some of us - for example, my sister and I have small kids and are very close, so we like seeing each other and the shared childcare - but means that some siblings choose not to come. And inevitably she gets grumpy or sad about it.

I'd say she's still young and dependent and if you want a family holiday she should come. If her attitude would make it unpleasant, then maybe that's different.

HollowTalk Thu 02-May-19 14:03:31

I'd sooner give her her share of the money to go away with her friends. If she's selfish at home then she's unlikely to be pleasant company on holiday. Would she be likely to throw parties etc if you were away?

MullofKintire Thu 02-May-19 14:15:11

I would pay for a family holiday for a student in full time education. Same for phone contract etc....provided family finances allowed. That is mainly because I love taking my student DC on holiday.

If they want to go somewhere with their friends I expect them to get a summer job to finance it.

Comefromaway Thu 02-May-19 14:19:44

I pay whilst mine are in full time education.

AgentProvocateur Thu 02-May-19 14:33:32

We take our DSs (24 and 25) and their partners away each year. We enjoy each other’s company and we are lucky enough to be able to afford it. I remember when they were 17 and 18, telling people it would be our last family holiday hmm

riverislands Fri 03-May-19 17:12:26

I pay for students to have family holidays, but I don't pay for them to spend a month abroad in the summer with their girlfriends. For example 😄 (a real life one!).

SongforSal Fri 03-May-19 17:17:57

Yep, DD is nearly 19 and in 1st year at Uni. We'll go away for 2 weeks abroad this year and i'll cover the costs along with new summer clothes for her. She is in education, so its something to look forward to at the end of her first year to.

stucknoue Fri 03-May-19 17:29:11

Yes I will pay for family holidays all the time they are studying but not trips with friends

Magicglasses35 Sat 04-May-19 13:24:19

Hi there I will update as I know it's annoying when OP disappears smile

We have decided to take her and booked last night, but this is definitely for the last time. I don't know if the differences in opinions is due to class/ cultural differences? I'm very very much working class if that (child of immigrants so might not even be a class? Not that I care lol). My husband is a second generation immigrant/ working class, he went on a few holidays with his parents whereas I did not go abroad apart from the time we came to England. Also I have been working since age 15 and pretty much paid for my own clothes/ stuff since then so I suppose my opinions come from my own experience.
We made good though with education and jobs (I did work while studying so why kids can't do it nowdays?! Also I was a very young mother so wasn't that long ago!)

With regards to child benefit we actually save it in an account for our children so she is definitely not a poor abandoned child. I just feel she is too entitled and feel like she should have a little job and save for uni costs (the child benefit money we save for them is to help with house deposit)
And I am 100% not paying her phone bill when she is 20!!! That is stopping in December, she had plenty of notice and I've been encouraging her to get a job since she turned 16.

Anyway one more family holiday and hope we would make lovely memories! She does really wants to go (Florida) so bloody hope she appreciates it!!

Thank you for your replies smile

TixieLix Sat 04-May-19 13:59:24

When my DD was in college (3days per week) she got a part time job in a shop but was on min wage as she was only 17. She obviously couldn't work on the days she was studying. She used the money for clothes, toiletries etc and we continued to pay her phone contract and family holidays. It would have taken her forever to save up enough for a nice holiday, especially somewhere like a Florida.

HoozTurnIsIT Mon 06-May-19 19:31:58

Well my parents swanned off on holiday without me when I was 15. I had part time jobs from 13 and worked full time from 16. That doesn't make it right though and I have a very different relationship with my children..
My DC will come with us, fully paid for, as long as they want. I love their company and they are very appreciative. They are 21 and 23 and both came with us last year for a week abroad. Did their own things as well of course.

blue25 Mon 06-May-19 19:36:55

No you shouldn't pay for her now she's 18. If you carry on, when does it stop? Yes you can pay for essentials, but not holidays which are a complete luxury. She needs to learn this.

We have friends still paying for their mid 20's children-holidays, phones, clothes, cars. It's cringey and neither 'child' has developed any independence or motivation to earn and save.

BackforGood Wed 08-May-19 00:25:32

I've never paid for my dcs' phone contracts - I think that is an expense they should have.
I am happy to pay for them to come on holiday with us as long as they want to though. However, we can afford it, and I also know they want to save up and go with friends, so it stops soon enough.
All that aside, mine have all wanted to work, so they can have their own spending money / pay for driving lessons, etc.

lljkk Fri 16-Aug-19 18:18:38

DD, almost 18, buys most of her own clothes now. We still pay for phone. If I don't take her on hols in future it's b/c she doesn't like same types of hols as us. My dad still pays for me when we travel... he also paid for his own mom, often. Likes being generous.

corythatwas Sun 18-Aug-19 11:03:33

I have paid for my dc when I have particularly wanted them to come- e.g. to meet ageing grandparents or because I really wanted their company.

I appreciate that having my 19yo son with me on a trip abroad to his grandparents is a luxury- for me. He wouldn't demand to be taken, I am grateful he wants to come. And aware that he is partly coming to make me happy. Probably won't last very long, having him here is a privilege.

When we return home, he will be getting a job, paying a contribution at home and doing his part of the household chores. He is an independent, perfectly capable adult. But being an adult also involves choosing your own holiday destination, and I am very aware that this is not what he might have chosen first.

Comefromaway Tue 08-Oct-19 00:09:21

I’m in my 40s and my parents still pay for us to go on holiday with them.

Dd has just turned 18 and is in college. She’s on a 3 year course so will leave when she’s 19, almost 20. I see it as my job as a parent to provide her with the essentials of food, clothes, phone, toiletries, essential college books & equipment, roof over her head and transport. She’s a member of the family the same as her younger brother. I like the fact she still likes to spend time with us on holiday.

The only thing I don’t do is to give her pocket money as she now has a Saturday job. She earns £50 & £10 of that goes on train. She’s lucky that she has a job related to what she’s studying that pays well. Lazy year she earns £15 for the same number of hours. I’d prefer her not to do more hours so she can concentrate on college.

DuesToTheDirt Tue 08-Oct-19 00:20:00

Holidays with us, we pay. If they go away without us, they pay.

We had an expensive long haul holiday last year and asked the DCs to pay for their own vaccinations, and rucksacks etc (to which we gave a contribution). We paid everything else.

Phones - we give them a set amount each year for student maintenance, and everything including phones comes our of this.

Comefromaway Tue 08-Oct-19 00:32:09

If the OP’s dd hasn’t yet turned 18 she’ll be in the same school/college year as my dd so won’t be getting Student Finance or anything.

Some students can cope with a part time job as well as studying, it depends on their workload (A levels/Btec etc). I’d prefer dd to concentrate on getting the best grades she can and having a social life.

LoreleiRock Tue 08-Oct-19 00:48:44

I would pay. I even pay for them to go on holiday with their mates. But I am a soft touch and I can afford it.

scousadelic Tue 08-Oct-19 00:56:14

We took ours with us until they finished FT education (so end of uni for all of them) and still offer the chance to come on some holidays with their partners even now they are grown up and married. That is because we love their company though

lottelupin Thu 17-Oct-19 23:26:35

I agree with pink heart. While my son was studying I supported him as he worked v hard and I wanted him to focus on that. Of course I would want an 18 year old to feel welcome if they wanted to come on holiday, like any child of the family. I wouldn't dream of saying they can't come if don't pay.

I think that later in life they'll help me if needed/take me on holiday, so it's just my time now, and may be theirs later.

HalfManHalfLabrador Thu 17-Oct-19 23:28:52

Yes I would take them on holiday, I’d expect a part time job to pay the phone contract though

bellsbuss Thu 17-Oct-19 23:33:30

We have told eldest DD1 21 that once she finishes uni and has a full time job she has to pay half of her share when we go on a family holiday.

MummytoCSJH Fri 18-Oct-19 00:15:29

I know this was a while ago but I actually think you're being very harsh, she's in college. She should be focusing on her work as it's full time hours where as when she's actually at uni she is more likely to be able to fit a part time job in. On that note, I hope you already know that if she does go to uni her loan will be based on your household income and you will be expected to top it up. It's also all well and good saying the child benefit money is for a house deposit but if it's her savings then it's not your decision what it is used for once she is 18.

BestIsWest Fri 18-Oct-19 12:34:20

Yes of course I would and do.I value and love their company and they can’t afford to go where I want to go.

fishonabicycle Mon 21-Oct-19 11:04:59

My son is 18 (working full time for a year before university 2020). As soon as he started working I stopped his allowance. He pays for his own petrol etc (but not keep as he is saving to go travelling in January). We will take him on holiday with us anywhere we go as we love his company!

Noeuf Mon 21-Oct-19 11:07:40

Dd is 21 at uni and we pay for inclusion in family holidays, phone contract and top up for loans. It's financially draining but I don't see an alternative.

If she was 18 and ft college I'd pay - if she was working ft and living at home I wouldn't.

Ibizafun Sun 10-Nov-19 20:12:23

Mine are 18 and 22, still come away with us (bring their partners), and will I hope continue to for a long time! When I’m old perhaps I’ll be invited on their family holidays with their children.. only if I’m wanted! Seriously though, I’m so happy they still want to come with us. I love their company!

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