Would you continue to take and pay for college child to go on holiday?

(40 Posts)
Magicglasses35 Thu 02-May-19 13:39:51

Or is there a cut off point, 18 years old for example?

Planning a family holiday but been telling my oldest all year to get a job (she's in college) so she can go on her own holidays with friends etc... Trying to teach her life lessons and earning her own money.

Also same question for mobile phone contract thinking of cutting it off when it's due for renewal in December.

She is 18

For reference I've never really gone on holiday as a child/ teenager as my parents couldn't afford it. Whereas we took our kids every year/ ever other year.

She might want to come depending on destination but I'm not sure if we should continue paying for her when she is an adult?

Hope this doesn't sound strange!

OP’s posts: |
Magicglasses35 Thu 02-May-19 13:41:02

Also she just takes takes takes, selfish attitude. But all teenagers are really. Don't know if that makes a difference!

OP’s posts: |
Fevertree Thu 02-May-19 13:42:53

Yes I would take her on holiday and pay her mobile contract, assuming she's in full time college. I wouldn't be giving her spending money though or be getting her the latest phone, that's what she needs a job for.

PinkHeart5914 Thu 02-May-19 13:42:56

Yes I would pay, but then my parents never had a cut off age wise for me.

If a cut off was to applied it should be once they have finished studying and are in employment earning money.

She’s just 18, studying to hopefully better herself and have a good life. A bit of support money wise from parents is fine at this stage imo

blackcat86 Thu 02-May-19 13:45:19

If it's a family holiday and she's still living at home then I would probably pay until shes out of education. However if she wants to go away with friends then she needs to get a job. Could you reduce the phone contract? I'm presuming it's useful for you to be able to contact her but you want to be funding everything. Presumably if shes still in education youre still receiving CB until shes 19? I would sit her down and be clear what you will and wont pay for once this ends and that she will need to cover anything else that you wont.

SleepingStandingUp Thu 02-May-19 13:46:05

How many hours is she doing at college? Is she looking for work or not?
How much is holiday?

Honestly at 18 lots of young people are still in school and I think saying if you can't save 1k then you can't come is quite harsh. Saying earn money for others /spending money is fair enough IF it's manageable.

If you can't afford it for all of you, I think you should reconsider going somewhere else until she's finished college.

Lots of people will say YANBU though and at 18 she should be entirely self sufficient and renting her own place /paying you rent / shouldn't be allowed out with you unless she pays entirely for herself

Dontcarewhatimdoing Thu 02-May-19 13:46:41

Yes I think at 18 and still in full time educations she is still dependent on you, and you should take her. She does need to get on and get herself a job though. Could you suggest you will pay for her travel food and accommodation for the holiday, and she needs to provide spending money? I'd let her take over paying for her phone, December gives her plenty of time to get a job before you stop paying.

juneau Thu 02-May-19 13:47:33

If she's in college is she doing a FT course? Is she still living at home? If the answer to those two questions is 'Yes' then I would still be supporting her. My DPs continued to support me until I'd finished uni (although I needed to get a job in the summer holidays if I wanted to have anything more than a basic stipend to live on, which is fair enough I think, being as uni holidays are at least 3 months in the summer). I didn't want to go on holiday with them though - I wanted to go away with my friends or bf.

BlackPrism Thu 02-May-19 13:49:45

My mum pays for my phone contracts and I'm 23 and don't live at home... 😂 she's said she'll stop when I get the living wage. I think you're being cruel tbh, she'll resent being cut off and I would if I were her. Stop when she has a full time job.... not when she's at college ffs

DelurkingAJ Thu 02-May-19 13:49:59

My DPs took us away until we ere no longer in FT education. I had a job in the holidays from 16 but DM enjoyed our company (I quote) and was happy to cover us. If I’d had to pay I might have chosen to spend my hard earned cash doing other things!

Someoneonlyyouknow Thu 02-May-19 13:57:03

If you haven't discussed this with her before it's going to be a bit of a shock if you overnight want her to start paying her way. But you should be talking about this and looking ahead. If getting paid work would be difficult she could look at voluntary opportunities or help at home. All teenagers are not selfish, self-absorbed yes. She needs to be thinking about her future and given some responsibility for shaping that

Purpleartichoke Thu 02-May-19 13:58:19

As long as she is in school full time and taking it seriously, I would cover her expenses. That includes family holidays.

Stuckforthefourthtime Thu 02-May-19 14:03:03

Depends if you want her there. My mum has always wanted family holidays but wants us to pay our own way. That's fine for some of us - for example, my sister and I have small kids and are very close, so we like seeing each other and the shared childcare - but means that some siblings choose not to come. And inevitably she gets grumpy or sad about it.

I'd say she's still young and dependent and if you want a family holiday she should come. If her attitude would make it unpleasant, then maybe that's different.

HollowTalk Thu 02-May-19 14:03:31

I'd sooner give her her share of the money to go away with her friends. If she's selfish at home then she's unlikely to be pleasant company on holiday. Would she be likely to throw parties etc if you were away?

MullofKintire Thu 02-May-19 14:15:11

I would pay for a family holiday for a student in full time education. Same for phone contract etc....provided family finances allowed. That is mainly because I love taking my student DC on holiday.

If they want to go somewhere with their friends I expect them to get a summer job to finance it.

Comefromaway Thu 02-May-19 14:19:44

I pay whilst mine are in full time education.

AgentProvocateur Thu 02-May-19 14:33:32

We take our DSs (24 and 25) and their partners away each year. We enjoy each other’s company and we are lucky enough to be able to afford it. I remember when they were 17 and 18, telling people it would be our last family holiday hmm

riverislands Fri 03-May-19 17:12:26

I pay for students to have family holidays, but I don't pay for them to spend a month abroad in the summer with their girlfriends. For example 😄 (a real life one!).

SongforSal Fri 03-May-19 17:17:57

Yep, DD is nearly 19 and in 1st year at Uni. We'll go away for 2 weeks abroad this year and i'll cover the costs along with new summer clothes for her. She is in education, so its something to look forward to at the end of her first year to.

stucknoue Fri 03-May-19 17:29:11

Yes I will pay for family holidays all the time they are studying but not trips with friends

Magicglasses35 Sat 04-May-19 13:24:19

Hi there I will update as I know it's annoying when OP disappears smile

We have decided to take her and booked last night, but this is definitely for the last time. I don't know if the differences in opinions is due to class/ cultural differences? I'm very very much working class if that (child of immigrants so might not even be a class? Not that I care lol). My husband is a second generation immigrant/ working class, he went on a few holidays with his parents whereas I did not go abroad apart from the time we came to England. Also I have been working since age 15 and pretty much paid for my own clothes/ stuff since then so I suppose my opinions come from my own experience.
We made good though with education and jobs (I did work while studying so why kids can't do it nowdays?! Also I was a very young mother so wasn't that long ago!)

With regards to child benefit we actually save it in an account for our children so she is definitely not a poor abandoned child. I just feel she is too entitled and feel like she should have a little job and save for uni costs (the child benefit money we save for them is to help with house deposit)
And I am 100% not paying her phone bill when she is 20!!! That is stopping in December, she had plenty of notice and I've been encouraging her to get a job since she turned 16.

Anyway one more family holiday and hope we would make lovely memories! She does really wants to go (Florida) so bloody hope she appreciates it!!

Thank you for your replies smile

OP’s posts: |
TixieLix Sat 04-May-19 13:59:24

When my DD was in college (3days per week) she got a part time job in a shop but was on min wage as she was only 17. She obviously couldn't work on the days she was studying. She used the money for clothes, toiletries etc and we continued to pay her phone contract and family holidays. It would have taken her forever to save up enough for a nice holiday, especially somewhere like a Florida.

HoozTurnIsIT Mon 06-May-19 19:31:58

Well my parents swanned off on holiday without me when I was 15. I had part time jobs from 13 and worked full time from 16. That doesn't make it right though and I have a very different relationship with my children..
My DC will come with us, fully paid for, as long as they want. I love their company and they are very appreciative. They are 21 and 23 and both came with us last year for a week abroad. Did their own things as well of course.

blue25 Mon 06-May-19 19:36:55

No you shouldn't pay for her now she's 18. If you carry on, when does it stop? Yes you can pay for essentials, but not holidays which are a complete luxury. She needs to learn this.

We have friends still paying for their mid 20's children-holidays, phones, clothes, cars. It's cringey and neither 'child' has developed any independence or motivation to earn and save.

BackforGood Wed 08-May-19 00:25:32

I've never paid for my dcs' phone contracts - I think that is an expense they should have.
I am happy to pay for them to come on holiday with us as long as they want to though. However, we can afford it, and I also know they want to save up and go with friends, so it stops soon enough.
All that aside, mine have all wanted to work, so they can have their own spending money / pay for driving lessons, etc.

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