Advanced search

Daughter partner

(40 Posts)
Rowstock78 Sun 24-Mar-19 05:30:52

My adult daughter is dating a nice chap who is 29 she is a student at uni and he works in london which is where I live . He rents a room in a shared flat in London and pays his rent every month however she prefers living at home with me and he now stays at my house pretty much 7 nights a week. I've sajd he needs to contribute here and even suggested he pay rent to me as he is using all my facilities and my utility bills have increased plus he enjoys my home. He seems reclutant to sort getting a new tenant to replace himself at his flat share and is wasting £1,000 a month paying for a room he isn't using. I am divorced. Pay all my bills myself and could also do with the monthly help taking into account he is 29! I don't want to seem forceful but can't afford to subsidise anyone as adults

Arowana Sun 24-Mar-19 10:55:25

I can see why he doesn't want to give up his rental if they've only been together a few months - what if they split up? A new tenant would probably require a six-month notice period.

MrsJayy Sun 24-Mar-19 10:55:54

I think you need to back off tbh he hasn't given up his place for a reason

Gruzinkerbell1 Sun 24-Mar-19 10:56:51

They’ve been together 7 months! Why are you pushing them towards buying a property together?!

If I was this guy I’d be running for the hills. You’ll be ring shopping next.

howhowhow Sun 24-Mar-19 11:00:58

You sound grabby. It's your daughter you need to speak to. Just don't let him stay if it's such a problem.

Rowstock78 Sun 24-Mar-19 11:03:31

Thank you for your responses 👍🏻

FrancisCrawford Sun 24-Mar-19 11:04:41

My daughter won't stay at his shared flat as she likes her own bed

Let her take her bed to his place

And she can get a part-time job, something most students do in order to afford to live

She’s moved him in by stealth and expects you to shoulder the extra costs? That’s really unfair and more than a bit selfish. Time for her to accept more responsibility for herself.

Holidayshopping Sun 24-Mar-19 11:06:24

They have been together for less than a year! Stop thinking about them living together. It sounds rather like you just want his money tbh!

Rowstock78 Sun 24-Mar-19 11:40:58

Far from it I want everyone adults in my home contributing like adults as I provide a lovely home over their heads and always worked since I was 16. I don't have any issues anyone residing long as they contribute. Once again thank you for all replies

MrsJayy Sun 24-Mar-19 11:47:09

Is your Dd contributing to her home? The boyfriend wants to be with his gf you are facilitating this by allowing him to stay because you don't want to upset your daughter so you have come up with this idea of contributions and giving her money for a deposit they have been together 7 months calm down tell her he can't move in

Ragwort Sun 24-Mar-19 12:18:20

How old is your DD?

I have a teenage DS and there is no way I would allow him to move a girl friend of 7 months in [ shock]. I would hope that my DS will be out and about making lots of new friends and having lots of different experiences when he is at uni rather than shacking up with someone when he is a student. Your DD has got years ahead of her to have serious relationships.

corythatwas Sun 24-Mar-19 13:25:41

I think somebody should suggest to this young man that if your daughter isn't even prepared to give up her bed to see him a few nights a week she really isn't girlfriend material. What she is basically doing is expecting him and you to fund her comfort at no cost to herself. Either he gives up his security (he'd have to be mad!) or you pay his keep (you'd have to be mad!). Tell her to grow up.

MrsJayy Sun 24-Mar-19 14:02:18

cory I think youare spot on

Rowstock78 Sun 24-Mar-19 14:21:16

My daughter is 25 works part time and contributes she went back to uni to better herself to seek a better job with more skills under her belt . Me helping with a deposit for buying a shared scheme home is because I am looking to move home and it's not uncommon for parent or parents to help towards a deposit as she has a saving account which she also put some savings into for this use. I was 25 when I purchased my first house and walking down the aisle after 8 months then married 24 years everyone is different when it comes to relationships she not seeking to marry at this stage. My post is about contribution in my home with all adults residing.

MrsJayy Sun 24-Mar-19 14:26:00

Well ask the guy directly when is he going to start paying rent but i do think you are pushing it if you want to move move she is 25 years old hardly a teenager. Btw not everybody hands over deposit money my dc saved their own money i can't afford to help them get a mortgage

NaturalBornWoman Sun 24-Mar-19 15:38:02

My post is about contribution in my home with all adults residing.

But people will pick up and comment on the bigger picture, which is that this young man is clearly not yet ready to give up his own place and move in with his girlfriend and her mother. Quite understandably at this point in the relationship. I don't understand why you'd think it would be a good idea in all honesty, it's too soon and you should be encouraging your daughter to be more independent too. You do sound like an enabler, "she likes her own bed"; she's 25!

Join the discussion

Registering is free, quick, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Get started »