I think my son may be drug dealing

[Kidsdub]

I’m at my wits end with my 18 yo son. He’s currently working part time but that been on and off the last few months. Recently the last 3 months I’ve had my suspicions that he could be drug dealing . My evidence is I found £700 cash under his bed - he claimed he saved it but I don’t think so, then his phone is always ringing and he comes in and out of the house a lot at night .i did follow him a few times but he caught me. I seen messages on his phone of a list of people with paid and tic written beside there names this message got deleted so can’t show him. We have regularly searched his room but found nothing. When we confronted him on this and he blew up . We regularly row in ear shot of our younger kids ( which I hate exposing them too ) about this and he gets very loud and aggressive telling us we don’t trust him ect . My husband says we have no proof what can we do . Any advice ?

[MostlyBoastly]

Yup. Almost definitely. Unless it’s a Christmas present list.,.

[endofthelinefinally]

He is obviously dealing.
However he is 18 so an adult.
Who pays for his phone?
Does he contribute to his keep?
Do you think he could be at risk from others?
Your husband is in denial.

[Mikesh909]

He's dealing. Sorry. It's a sure thing. The phone ringing / popping out / frequent visitors etc are dead giveaways not to mention the £700 cash, which if saved would surely be in a bank account?? He likely has an extremely good hiding place for whatever he's selling (weed?) 'Tic' is drug-dealer speak for 'payment owing' in case you are not aware.

[Kidsdub]

The phone was a gift but he pays for the credit we don’t give him any money at all. He is suppose to pay keep but hasn’t been paid yet (was out of work for a good while) back in employment now. Once paid he will give me something . He doesn’t have any nice clothes or anything to show for it. I don’t know if he’s at risk ? I know very little what he does outside the home he does tell me. Says he just hangs with friends .

[Kidsdub]

I know he is possible dealing but as I didn’t find anything can’t fully prove it for sure I don’t know what to do ? My husband says that we need proof to throw him out but like what more do we need ? I don’t want him homeless either I’m just sick of all the fights we had many battles over many things for the past few years I’m so exhausted from it all now this shit.

[MostlyBoastly]

So call the police? Tell them what you’ve found? Things could be about to get so much worse (and that’s without getting into the ethics of it. You could be saving a lot of other kids from your son and the stuff he’s pedalling.)

[FuckItFriday]

Please talk to him. Don't go in all guns blazing, just talk.

[MiniMum97]

Don't call the police. You don't want to ruin your son's life. He could go to prison; a couple of people I knew when I was younger (about your son's age) who were dealing went to prison when caught. This is not a "call the police to scare him thing". Police take dealing very seriously and penalties can be harsh.

You need to talk to him. Explain the risks. Try to encourage him to stop. Find the penalties for dealing and leave them out in his bedroom.

Tell him if you worked it out, others can who may report him, or the police can.

If he won't talk to you write him a letter. Tell him how worried you are he will be caught and you can't sleep at night.

If you go in all guns blazing he won't listen. He might listen to the facts, the risks, and hearing that you are worried because you love him.

[butterboo]

I agree try and stay calm and get the lines of communication open, start by talking about less threatening topics. Spend time with him, go out together for a coffee or lunch. Show him how much you care and then gently approach it again. Offer him help and support, and get some advice from a drugs helpline.

[blackcat86]

You need to offer him the opportunity to take up help. Talk to him about what is going on for him. Tell him without drama that any dealing or drug use needs to stop and he needs to pay the agreed keep. Look at counselling and or drug support services. If he doesn't engage or just denys it then you will need to kick him out for the safety and wellbeing of everyone else.

[Smotheroffive]

I would threaten him with the police, definitely. He is funding all manner of modern day slavery, and crimes, with his little bit of dealing.

Tell him the reality of what suffering and crime goes on from drug money, never mind the damage caused to young minds suffering severe depression and worse from smoking weed as teens, and how it destroys families.

If he refuses to act on your warning then tell the police, if he doesn't respond properly to police kick him out as well, make clear what steps you will take and when and that you will not be complicit in drug dealing (where's he keeping it, huh? - you have drug money and drugs in your home).

Do you have other younger DC that could find it, eat it?

[Gunpowdertea]

I'm so sorry what a shock for you. Tic means he has given drugs and they owe the money. You don't need any more proof than that. Just tell him you know. He doesn't need to know how.

The likelihood is that he has brought drugs under your roof. Tell him this is not allowed.

Ask him to tell you the truth or you will go to the police.

Give him three days to respond and come to you.

He will probably manage a half truth. You can work with that.

[Gunpowdertea]

-He is probably dealing to a network of friends. This takes a lot of business skills to be fair. A change might do him good-try the Princes Trust, or some local Youth Work provision. Talk to drug and alcohol support providers-can they work with him? A lot of support goes up to 19 so get in there quick. Help him get into regular work.