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19 year old son , job, girlfriend and moving out etc

(8 Posts)
Charliescar Mon 07-Jan-19 10:06:08

I really need some other people’s points of view.
My son is 19 . He has always been very quiet, not sporty and in to computer games. He suddenly out of the blue got a girlfriend when he started at his 6th form 2 years ago.
He was predicted good grades for a levels and was going to go to York Uni . He didn’t get the grades. This was because he stopped working hard when he met her, lost all focus of his future .
We then moved away and he came with us leaving his girlfriend behind , although they were still together. We thought it would fizzle out. He was then going to go Brighton Uni, then join the army . He now has a full time job basic admin job , that my sister in law got him. He just about manages to get up for it, doesn’t shower most mornings .
He is very lazy , his room is a tip, he doesn’t get his hair cut unless we keep reminding him, he doesn’t brush his teeth, he says up all night watching tv or gaming.
We thought this would all change when he got a job.
His girlfriend has now moved up here in a house share and is working as a waitress . She shows no ambition in life and seems as lazy as my son is . At the weekends they do nothing . They don’t go out anywhere . They slob around .
Does this seem normal ?
I am worried my so. Is going to move out . He can’t look after himself . He will lose the job he has as he will be not washing , wearing dirty clothes .
Or should I just leave him to it???

OP’s posts: |
ApolloandDaphne Mon 07-Jan-19 10:10:45

He has to learn through his own mistakes. You can't mollycoddle him. If he moves out and doesn't work then he won't be able to pay his rent and will be thrown out his flat. He would soon learn!

MrsJayy Mon 07-Jan-19 10:14:52

Are you thinking the Gf is at fault for no university ? Surely that was up to your son. Is he depressed it is n't usual for 19 year olds not to wash etc but if he moves out he is responsible for himself so if he loses his job it is on him I don't think you can be responsible forever.

Charliescar Mon 07-Jan-19 10:56:52

I think he kinds of expects me to do his ironing . I didn’t do it one week and he went to work in the same trousers from the week before and t shirts an jumpers . I didn’t raise it , I just wanted to see what would happen . He doesn’t pick his clothes up and put in laundry basket . If I don’t pick them up then he wouldn’t have clean pants 😫 I have not picked them up and just wears the same ones 😨
He goes dats without brushing his teeth but eats loads of sweets - I really don’t think not brushing your teeth is normal . I feel ridiculous saying to him have you brushed your teeth. I can see all plaque on them . And smelly breath - who would want to work with that !!!!

OP’s posts: |
MrsJayy Mon 07-Jan-19 11:05:08

Has he n3ver put washing in the basket or is it a recent thing because if he has never done it and he thinks the pant fairy does it then Ibguess he wont be bothered.

ApolloandDaphne Mon 07-Jan-19 11:36:03

Have you ever encouraged him to do chores and take responsibility for himself?

Charliescar Mon 07-Jan-19 22:09:31

I have told him year after year since he was about 7 to put his laundry in basket - it wears thin at 19

OP’s posts: |
typoqueen Thu 17-Jan-19 19:34:16

my 19 year old was exactly the same until i gave him an ultimatum, clean up your act or find somewhere else to slob in, it worked, sorted himself out dumped the gf and started making a real effort, he is now in a lovely relationship, they have their own flat and is about to become a dad (27 now)

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