My son dislikes me

[LadyKalila]

How do you cope when your 30 year old son openly dislikes you? I think he has bipolar, he has episodes of complete rage and anger, which I find hard to deal with. I'm so upset by it all.

[buckingfrolicks]

I do not know. It hurts like hell thigh. My son says he hates me and that I dead to him. He's early 20s and that was the last thing he ever communicated to me - last spring. Since then I text him a few times a month sometimes just casually sometimes apologising for whatever it is I have done or am that makes him feel that way. Silence. He's in touch with his DF so I know he's doing ok.

It's incredibly painful to be disliked by someone you love. I remember all the babies and boys he was, all those years he was in my life, and cherish that. I try and stay open to him and to reflect on and acknowledge the shittier bits of my mothering. I try not to be angry with him. I have at times wondered if he has Aspergers, then I realise what difference would it make?

If your son is perhaps bipolar does he swing about in how he views you? Are there times when he might be more open to getting professional help? How is he towards others in his life? I no longer life with my DS which makes me very sad.

[LadyKalila]

Thanks for replying. It’s good to know I’m not alone, the hurt is so deep, my sons mental health is more worrying than my own hurt. Fear he may not be able to control the rage he feels at times. He’s never worked for any length of time, lives with his partner who works, and he looks after our grandson who is only a few months old. His bipolar, our diagnosis as he wont see any professional to get help, means when he’s "normal", he is civil but when he has an episode, he’s scary, says vile things, threatens and is generally frightening. We’ve tried to talk about him getting help, but to no avail. Unless he can admit he has a problem, and he won’t, we can’t help him. I’ve got to the stage now when I feel I don’t want to see him anymore, and that’s sad. It’s good to talk about this, I’ve been bottling it up inside.

[buckingfrolicks]

That sounds truly hard I'm so sorry. I guess the only thing you can do is step back, perhaps after telling his partner that you're there for her if she needs you, as I imagine her life is tough living with him. It's so so sad. Just try and keep the door open to your DS if you do withdraw- I've told mine (by text as he won't speak to me) that I'm always here if he wants to talk. But it sounds in your position as tho your DS might need to get to "the bottom" before he asks for help. I'm so sorry I can't be wiser but I do understand your pain.

[LadyKalila]

We are going to tell his partner that we are always here for them. But we have to take a step back for our own health, my husband is finding the strain too much. I fear for him and don't want his health compromised by worry. I thank you for talking to me, it does help. Happy new year.

[buckingfrolicks]

Here's wishing both of us a year of peace and love.

[LadyKalila]

Thank you. Things can only get better Happy new year.