AIBU to refuse to let 25 YO DD live with me rent free?

(3 Posts)
Felinefancier Mon 29-Oct-18 05:26:04

For the last four years DD, 25 has lived in houses owned by me. The idea was she would rent out some of the rooms and pay me a discounted rent, while she worked on her passion, music.

We had a formal tenancy agreement, but she wasn't doing a particularly good job of managing this latest house. When I raised this with her in July we agreed she would move out at the end of August.

She left in the middle of August leaving lots of unpaid bills, repairs not done, piles of belongings and no forwarding address. It has taken me weeks for me to clear all the rubbish sort out the tenants etc.

She got in touch a few days ago and has been camping in and around Glastonbury. Last night she told me that she has no money and needs help and can she come and live with me rent free for 2 months while she gets herself on her feet. There have been no apologies for the mess she left for me to clean up.

I feel she is manipulating me for my deficiencies as a mother (the request to come and stay came after a long conversation about how hard life was for her growing up).

AIBU to refuse?

OP’s posts: |
WitchyMcWitchface Mon 29-Oct-18 05:44:31

I would offer to pay her rent for 2 or maybe 3 months in a flat share. If she is disorganised and lazy you don't want her living with you. Nor should you give her a house to manage as she didn't do that properly.
I wouldn't respond to the bad childhood complaints unless there is something that needs explanation. Perhaps offer to talk things over , I imagine you did what you considered best at the time like most parents.

SilverApples Mon 29-Oct-18 05:56:39

How is she doing with her passion, music? Why did she cock up managing the house so badly and leave a mess? Why does she need time to get on her feet? What is she currently doing for income?
MH issues, drugs, or an unwillingness to be a responsible adult ?
Why does she feel her childhood was crap, and that you owe her?

My two adult children both live at home, and it works well as a shared house, we get on and respect each other. It doesn’t sound as if your situation is the same. How would you feel if she moved in and never moved out?
You can help her get a place, help her organise her life, but only if she’s willing to take advice and the support you offer her. I’d work out a different solution to having her move back home, IMO it won’t work, based on your OP.

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