Can't be bothered feeding them(15 Posts)
I have 3 DSs aged 21, 19 and 15. DS21 has just gone back to college having been unable to find a job that suits (he has ADD and is a little Autistic - if I can say that?); DS19 is between jobs + due to start new one as a warehouse operative next week (48hrs pw of hard physical labour); DS15 is in his GCSE year and a keen athlete.
Trouble is that I have lost the will to cook for them any more. We buy what seems to me sensible food - burgers, chicken, steaks, but if I ask what they want they don't know or say they aren't hungry. Then DS15 will come down saying he's starving + cooks pasta or bacon butties for himself at 9 o'clock with school in the morning. He'll come in from training when he really ought to eat + won't decide on anything until far too late to cook/eat anything nutritious.
DH is the same and will decide he wants food at 10 having eaten biscuits all evening.
I now eat when I'm hungry and don't bother cooking.
Am I doing anything wrong + should I do something to change meal times?
Maybe tell them it’s steak tonight, otherwise get your own... however cooking needs to be done by 9pm latest (I’d actually say 8pm) and make sure you clean up afterwards (I’ve just read an article about setting boundaries so I’m feeling all determined to be reasonable but firm )
Why is everyone not taking a turn at cooking for the family? Why is it always your responsibility?
Ds1 is 15 and can cook several meals with me just hovering nearby. Get a rota and a meal plan. Everyone can vote as to which meal they will cook and on what night.
I don't see anything wrong with what you are doing. You make yourself what you want when you want it and they do the same.
It would be nice to insist that everyone sits and eats a meal together once or twice a week maybe. No way should you organise that though. Rota for the making of Sunday lunch perhaps?
I made things that were easy to reheat or could be left in the slow cooker. So chili in the slow cooker, beef stew, hearty soups. Available anytime and put away before bed. Often left till 2-3 am on weekends.
What a nightmare. You really ought to set a particular time for meals - 6 or 7 in the evening if possible. You've got a son at school - he needs to eat decent food, at a decent time. Another will be working all day, so he needs the same. The other is at college, same again.
What does your husband do? Could he help with cooking?
You could perhaps do something like
a stew, curry, pie, chilli con carne, shepherd's pie, lasagne, stir-fry, but do the same for everyone.
I had the same thing myself when my 2 sons were growing up and I worked shifts. Try a slow cooker.
I think a slow cooker with keep warm function would be perfect for your family's they aren't that fussy.
It must cost a fortune for everyone to be having just what they fancy every day and making separate meals? Is there not lots of waste if you've got burgers in for one night but then they eat pasta instead?
Would drive me mad I'm not surprised you're not fussed anymore. But for your own health, have a decent dinner at a decent time and take care of yourself!
DH does f-all apart from say he's not hungry so why should he cook.
My kids won't eat hearty stews, chilli, casseroles. I have a slow cooker but they won't eat what comes out of it. They either say that's not what they feel like that day or they just don't like it. I'm not a first class cook but bh - i can make 'normal' meal and there's nothing actually wrong with my cooking skills!
I tried one of those 'buy complete ingredient' and cook boxes for a while but found it was only me who'd try them.
Sometimes I'll do a batch of sweet n sour chicken but then end up with them telling me I haven't done enough noodles or I haven't drained enough juice off the chicken before adding the sauce.
We do try to eat a Sunday dinner together but doesn't happen every week.
Why are you cooking? Let them cook and clean for themselves and you
I could have written your post, OP so watching with interest.
Part of my issue as well is that we have 2 meat-eaters, one vegan and a vegetarian. DH and I have proper cooked lunches at work, DD19 and DS16 have the same kind of habits as you describe. (although they don't criticise what I do cook, if I do).
I just have loads of food which is quick to prepare - pasta, noodles, rice, with tinned and frozen veg (peas, corn, chickpeas) and jars of different sauces. Also eggs, cheese, hummus, cereal and porridge, bread and bagels, peanut butter, some fresh veg and keep the fruit bowl topped up. I try not to buy too many sweet treats/snacks. Quorn in the freezer, with other things that can be cooked from frozen like fish cakes, veggie burgers, berries, chips.
It's not ideal, and I miss us all sitting down together, but sometimes living with 2 almost-adults reminds me of house-sharing.
dairymilkmuncher yes, to the waste. It drives me insane
obviously this isn't new problem.
do the men want to change?
do you have the energy to make it happen?
Tbh I think they’re being ungrateful and unappreciative in telling you they “don’t fancy this” or “don’t like that”. I’d give up and just concentrate on cooking what you enjoy and maybe try and insist the youngest has some healthy meals a week. The tigers are old enough to sort themselves out!
I wonder whether they are any different now than they were as children?
I do think it's a mistake to offer a menu or choice. While I would never serve a meal that I know someone dislikes I have learned not to ask what they want as no one will agree and it won't accommodate what I have in the fridge.
I have DH, DS22 and DS20 (a student so not home all the time). They know that dinner is at 7pm and they must let me know if they won't be home. If they are home they eat whatever it is.
I do all the cooking and DH does all the clearing up. DC will peel and chop or indeed cook if asked.
Having said all that I do agree that I am Heartily Sick of Cooking after 40+ years of it I used to take pride in "cooking from scratch for every meal but would happily live on ready meals now.
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