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Housekeeping money from adult DD living at home?

(8 Posts)
BlackNoSugar Wed 19-Sep-18 14:35:07

DD has dropped out after 2 years of university, she was really unhappy there and tbh I'm relieved she gave it up and came home as she was starting to get very depressed.

We live in a tiny marked town and DD doesn't drive, so employment options were limited. She's finally got work in a new sandwich shop that opened a couple of weeks ago.

DH and I agreed that when she got a job, we would get housekeeping money from her. We intend to keep it as 'her' money, and she'll get it back when she moves out so she'll have a bit of a nest egg to start her own home.

My DM thinks we're being completely unreasonable. She and my dad never took anything from me when I lived at home, but then I was a completely spoilt only child. DM says it's unfair expecting DD to pay us for her keep when I don't work (I volunteer) and DH gives me housekeeping money every week.

DH has a fab job, and we don't need DD's money. We were discussing a fair amount, and were thinking about a quarter of her earnings after tax.

Would that be a fair amount? Or should we set an amount per week as long as she earns more than a set amount? DD is working part-time and has variable hours, so take-home pay could be anywhere from £30 to about £120 a week.

BackforGood Thu 20-Sep-18 23:02:42

If it were a full time job, then I'd agree with you.
However, if she is only earning £30, I'd let her keep it.

MereDintofPandiculation Sat 29-Sep-18 22:45:21

Work out what her "share" is - ie, as if you were 3 adults in a house share. You might want to adjust, eg don't add in the full 1/3 of electricity bills if she isn't using the communal areas of the house. And don't add in anything to do with house maintenance.

This gives a starting point. If your answer is, eg £55 pw, and her average wage is £60 you won't want to charge her the full whack. But it's useful to know the theoretical share when you come to negotiation.

A fixed amount each week will also help her budget on a fluctuating income - she'll learn that she can't splurge all of a good week's earnings, she has to save it for expenses in a poor week.

Firefliess Sat 29-Sep-18 22:51:23

DS is 18 and just got an apprenticeship paying about £230 a week. We've agreed he'll contribute £30 a week to cover his share of food and bills. He's quite happy about that.

Like you, we don't need the money, it just seems the fair thing to do. If he left home he'd have to buy his own food (and pay rent)

florenceheadache Sat 29-Sep-18 22:56:22

nooooooo not if it's variable hours....and potentially very low.
if you and your dh insist then consider;
let her know your plans to charge her a nominal amount (i wouldn't go more than 10% of take home) but will wait a month to see what her hours are like. don't tell her you will give back the money though, in my experience that doesn't always pan out as expected...

TheFaerieQueene Sat 29-Sep-18 22:57:54

I really don’t understand why you would save the money from an adult child. If you don’t need a financial contribution from her, let her save herself.

My DS graduated 6 years ago. He came home and started working. He has saved hard whilst living here and has just bought his first home. I didn’t need a financial contribution, so it was up to him to make sure he was prudent. He has worked hard and learned to manage his money on his own.

HollowTalk Sat 29-Sep-18 23:00:16

In that situation, I'd say "Either you save a quarter of your wages, or give it to me for housekeeping. Your choice."

Floralnomad Sat 29-Sep-18 23:06:49

Sorry but I can’t get past the dh gives me housekeeping money every week , it’s nothing to do with your mother however I wouldn’t be charging anything if she’s only working pt and you can afford not to . You would be better off encouraging her to save the money rather than you taking it off her to save on her behalf .

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