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At a loss with my 18yr old daughter

(2 Posts)
fowgmiester Mon 03-Sep-18 15:21:54

My daughter who turned 18 in January met her boyfriend 9 months ago.this is her first serious relationship.all was good.i feel I am a laid back and cool mum.i allowed her boyfriend to stay over which quickly became every night...her interest in college and looking for a job was drastically declining.she told me she wasn't going to go back to college.i have made it clear from the start that if any of my children are not in education they are to get a job and contribute to the house hold...over the last 6 months she has became lazier, staying in her room all day with the boyfriend, not interacting with the family, she doesn't smile or laugh..I started to lay some rules down like the boyfriend not staying over so much and maybe she could stay at the boyfriends house a little...this obviously was the wrong thing to say..since then it has been a constant battle with her.i asked her to contribute to cleaning the house for me while I work 12 hr shifts, her reply was can't be bothered...she also got pregnant and had it aborted.i supported her through out this....it finally came to ahead and I have had no other option but to throw her out..after 6 months of trying to guide her in being an adult and asking just a little help around the house..her boyfriend has sent me a message which wasn't very nice...this has really affected my mental health state and the relationship in my house hold..she calls me the psycho bitch and immature..and even after all this I feel sick to the stomach with guilt that I have thrown my baby girl out....pls pls some advice would be much appreciated...I also have a younger girl and an older son who works and goes to college so surely I'm not doing anything to wrong...

Hallouminati Mon 03-Sep-18 15:42:16

Where is she living now? Are you in touch with her at all?

I think you are perfectly reasonable to expect her to contribute financially and help around the house, and you also have to set the tone for your younger children too. If she doesn't like the house rules she is old enough to leave home and live the way she pleases.

Are you able to meet up just you and her for coffee every now and again? That way you can stay in touch, work on rebuilding your relationship and be there for her if she needs support. Her boyfriend doesn't sound like a good influence so it may be a case of sitting tight until she decides to move on, and then you'll be there as a supportive mum to help her. Unfortunately there's not much you can do as she's an adult, but I think you've done the right thing in upholding the house rules.

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