My 18 year old (Let's call him Jack) has just finished school with 4 A's at A Level. He had always wanted to go into medicine but is now refusing to go to uni as he will miss us too much and doesn't feel ready to be an adult or live alone as I have made him too sheltered and protected to face real life! Jack is also refusing to get a job as he only wants to do something he loves and he doesn't know what that is yet. He met a boyfriend who works 3/4 nights a week in a pub kitchen so he can't work days or he will never see the b/f. They've been together 7 weeks and are together 24/7 either in our house or at his parents. We also have 2 other children (15) who are just about to start their GCSE's. We have begged, threatened, bribed and shouted at Jack to go to uni but to no avail. We are now at the point where we are telling him to get a job, to no avail. We live in a very rural area, the nearest bus stop is about a 30 minute walk away, so driving is desirable. We paid for him to have lessons and paid for his test 3 times - he passed in April. We then paid for a car, MOT, Tax, Insurance & Petrol. He drove too fast and wrote the car off in July. We are currently getting him another car but it needs work and he is really annoyed it's taking so long and moans about it daily! Him and his boyfriend have been here for the last 6 nights. We drive the boyfriend to work, then bring him home, feed them, do the laundry/dishes etc they lie in bed until about 3pm, eat and go out to the pub. Last night we had enough and had a huge argument with Jack telling him how he needs to get a job or do something. I priced up car insurance (approx £1500) Job Seekers Allowance (about £55 pw) and told him I want him to pay rent of approx £40 pw - to include all food, bills etc. I also expect him to buy/tax/insure his own car, do his own laundry & ironing and clean up after himself. We also said that we don't want the boyfriend sleeping over every night on school days so his siblings can have a good nights sleep during GCSE years. Apparently this is all my fault for pushing him too hard, never being proud enough (which is very hurtful) and we're those 'parents' the ones that charge their kids for everything? He's threatening to move out. My dilemma is do I give in to keep him, even though I'm really unhappy with our life at the moment or do I call his bluff and let him go? Also is it reasonable to expect him to work? He's not going to uni or anything just drinking every night - so I feel that he now has to get his life together - is that wrong? help..........
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How do I make my 18 year old become an 'adult'?
35 replies
Pugnelope · 29/08/2018 07:43
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