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So upset

(80 Posts)
rachelw73 Sun 12-Aug-18 15:40:33

I just need some validation that I'm not over reacting really.

This morning I woke up to a flurry of messages off family informing me that my own daughter had announced her engagement on Facebook! Her bf had asked her last night and instead of waiting till morning to let me know she put it on fb and I had to find out that way! I'm so angry but she's acting like it's not a big deal and that I've ruined her engagement! I'm actually doubting my own sanity right now

bubbles108 Sun 12-Aug-18 17:36:06

I don't think that you have any RIGHT to be told before the rest of the world @rachelw73

However I think it's KIND to tell those people closest to you, your closest family and best friends, about the news first

I think young people can be quite unkind, sometimes, totally unintentionally

And with social media being so immediate and young people being used to the immediacy of life, the thought of holding off announcements until family is informed, can be something which is completely forgotten

BakedBeans47 Sun 12-Aug-18 17:38:19

She really should have told you before sticking it on Facebook or instagram.

SassitudeandSparkle Sun 12-Aug-18 17:39:34

I'd have been upset as well OP, and I know that something similar happened to my MIL (not via social media) and she was upset. It took a few days to tell my MIL by which time they'd booked the wedding venue shock

Johnnyfinland Sun 12-Aug-18 19:54:33

Cherry I think you’re misinterpreting that because my parents don’t interfere in my life, that my relationship with them is nothing more than “polite visits” - that couldn’t be further from the truth. They’ve made quite clear on several occasions that I always have a room there if I need it, they’ve supported me through incredibly dark times, listened to my life/love/career dilemmas, I can literally tell my mum anything. Our relationship is much closer than many of my friends and their parents. They don’t have a pot to piss in financially so they won’t be giving me a house deposit any time soon but even if they were millionaires why should they? I don’t expect financial assistance from them although they have of course helped me with food shops etc when I’ve been super skint.

However, one principle of paramount importance in our relationship is that I should do what I feel is right/what makes me happy. They’ll always be there to support but they’d never try and interfere and influence me (I wouldn’t listen even if they did, I’ve always been naturally inclined to rebel!)

if they started going on about my boyfriend asking their approval to marry me or trying to influence my life choices or relationship, I’d think they’d lost the plot (and they’d say similar about people who try to exert that kind of influence over their adult children). Neither would they expect to be involved in the lead-up to my engagement, I think they’d think I’D lost the plot if I tried to bring them into it besides talking about it with them. I wouldn’t expect them to pay for my wedding either

Namechanger1404 Mon 13-Aug-18 21:25:33

I cannot believe some of the vitriolic responses on here, but it is mumsnet ehhmm

OP I would’ve been devastated to have learned, that such a special moment in my child’s life, was shared on a public forum before I knew. I agree, as parents we have ‘no rights’ however, would you tell your FB ‘friends’ that you were pregnant before telling your partner? It’s about sharing something special with those who are special and important to you. So though there are ‘no rights’ there are the emotional attachments we have to people very close to our hearts, that cause the hurt described in the OP.

This is NOT ‘all about the OP’ it’s about someone who feels very hurt. However, I would not have got into an argument about it.

People on here sometimes make me shudder with their vile comments..

Oh and FB is a pile of showy off shitehmm

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