I regret having children 70%-90% of the time

[Jackieohoh]

Does any one else feel this way?
I thought I could not have children so rushed into marriage thinking it was ok to make a bad choice as no children and if he was not the best husband we could divorce no children no harm done.
Got pregnant survived a bad pregnancy, survived an extremely abusive husband then divorced him.
Had a horrible life.
Children who are now adults had a horrible life with me being difficult then trying to make up for it, real see saw mother from bad to terrible to trying to be good.
Ex husband continued to be abusive extended family also abusive both sides.
Went to live in a council house I am from a wealthy family got hated by friends and family and neighbours for being in a council house.
Got laughed at by local charities for asking for help as I am from a rich family.
Got only abuse from every person.

Terrible way to live for me and my children no matter what I did I was wrong even working then doing voluntary work all wrong always judged, rich people in council houses are hated and not helped. If your birth family wont help but pretend to help you are condemned severely as no one helps.

i can not get counselling as I do not say i am suicidal.

To sum up horrible life made me a horrible mother and my children do not like each other will not spend time together even Christmas day, Mothers Day my birthday any of their birthdays.

I really regret having children.

[ImAGoofyGoober]

Oh dear op, that can’t be an easy feeling to live with.
Without meaning to trivialise anything you’ve said, you are putting a lot of focus on the past from the sounds of it. You can’t do anything to change the past and you are limited in how you can affect the way your adult children behave.
You need to find a way to focus on a happy future. It won’t happen by itself, you need to put things in motion to make yourself happy.

[Jackieohoh]

Thank you for answering and not being judgemental or negative x
I am trying to fix things with my adult children it is very difficult as I really want them to get on.
I am going to have to accept that they wont but I will try to get them to be civil to each other how am I supposed to split Christmas day etc, it does not work.
The not liking each other has been simmering but got to a head mothers day 2 years ago and nothing I have said or done can mend it.
I feel I wasted my life trying to be a good mother and failed spectacularly in every aspect of my life.
I should have gone out drinking or doing drugs or having some kind of fun, instead I stayed home had no boyfriends and tried to cope and be good.
It ended up in this situation.
I enjoyed being a mother at the time i was very hands on we had great fun when they were young but now all they remember is horrible times and I get the blame for everything.

I said about the past to explain why they dislike each other and why I dont like the situation.

[Woulditbeworth]

You are not responsible for your ex husbands abuse or your family’s prejudice around social housing so please don’t blame yourself.

I know you said you don’t qualify for counselling but perhaps you could look at low cost counselling if it’s available in your area or family mediation? There are charities in my area that provide these.

Your adult children need to take responsibility for their relationships with their sibling and accept that all the while they can’t be in the same room together, you will have to divide your time.

Are you doing things for yourself? Like the PP said, you can’t chance the past but you can make your own future.

xx

[Jackieohoh]

I am starting to do things for myself.
Posting here is a good step as I am admitting even if it is anon that my life is not perfect.
People who know me think I am wonderful, amazing so strong they come to me with their problems and when I ask to be helped i get stonewalled as I am not that type of needy person in their eyes.
I did go for a couple of counselling sessions after my own mother died but that counsellor was only interested in blaming my very recently deceased mother for all the problems in my life, it was truly awful.
When I have my head cleared a bit more i will go back to counseling I could not cope with another bad counsellor right now.
My adult offspring will have to cope with them choosing who is coming on days out I will not choose, they can get on or forget it.
Problem is one is married to a control freak who likes to throw a spanner in the works last minute and ensure storm in a tea cup situations become full blown events.
She thinks he is wonderful and does not see his manipulation.

[Woulditbeworth]

Sounds like you know where you need to be and have a good idea of how to get there.

Maybe choose one trusted friend to really open up to. I am sure if they are a good friend who has come to you for support before, they will be more than willing to reciprocate.

All you can do for your daughter is to make sure she knows you are there for her if / when she needs you.

Best wishes. x