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Son in law committed suicide 2 weeks ago

(37 Posts)
meme70 Sun 17-Jun-18 14:29:45

Hi my daughters ex fiancé hung himswlf 2 weeks ago. He was just 22 and he had custody of my youngest grandchild aged 2. Sadly he killed himself with my grandson in the flat shutting himself away in the living room texting someone to pick GC up ASAP but no one came as baby was left 20 hours.
He had custody as he wouldn’t give my grandson back after having him stay 11 months ago.
My daughter has her son back now.

I am struggling to work out why I knwonhe was struggling but I was taking to him daily even upto when he did it a couple hours before we were making plans to meet up and he promised he always be there for his children.

Father’s Day will be a huge gap for these young children the questions they will have is upsetting for them in the future.

I wish he’d reached out ....

LollipopStop Sun 17-Jun-18 15:32:23

NC'd as outing.

I'm sorry for what you are going through. My partner chose to end his life just over three years ago. The most valuable piece of advice I was given was to stop questioning why.

I have found therapy very useful and am just about to move in with my new partner - I wouldn't have believed I would ever have a partner again at the time, so things do get easier. I won't say better, everything will change, life will never be the same, but it does become a different kind of good.

Aridane Sun 17-Jun-18 15:33:53

(thank you, bombardier)

Bombardier25966 Sun 17-Jun-18 15:35:16

It’s really an awful thing I wish he knew the devastation that’s followed

He quite possibly did, but would see that as a short term pain whereas him still being here would be more of a burden/ hassle to you.

Suicide is rarely a spontaneous act. It's normally long thought about, with the pros and cons and the impact on others all considered. It may be that he kept going until now so as to avoid hurt to others, but eventually his pain became so overwhelming that he felt it was the best option to all.

that lots of people go through depression and unthinkable trauma and don't end their lives.

That's an ignorant viewpoint with zero understanding of mental health. It's the equivalent of saying not everyone dies from cancer. We're unique beings, our bodies and minds all react differently.

Hefzi Sun 17-Jun-18 15:36:24

OP, I'm so sorry flowers. Sadly, I think no one could have stopped him, though that doesn't stop you feeling guilty I know: in his mind, he was doing the best thing possible for everyone, including his son. He made what he thought at the time, almost certainly, was the selfless choice: his mind will have been telling him that everyone was better off without him. He was clearly a very troubled young man, but when someone has made their mind up, it's almost impossible to dissuade them: if someone had stopped him this time, he may well have been successful on another occasion.

Sending flowers to you and your family, and to other people whose loved ones have died from suicide.

Pikachuneedshelp Sun 17-Jun-18 15:36:52

I also reported it Aridane

I don’t have any wise words OP, but I am so sorry.

IJustHadToNameChange Sun 17-Jun-18 15:38:21

While I'm sorry for your loss OP, the disregard for your grandson's safety is stunning.

I'm glad he's safe and your daughter has her child back.

Bombardier25966 Sun 17-Jun-18 15:38:48

(Flisspaps, please don't think I'm calling you ignorant, my comment is aimed at the officer that said it. Given how many mental health issues the police have to deal with, it's saddening to see them make such comments, which could cause great misunderstanding to the bereaved.)

Aridane Sun 17-Jun-18 15:39:12

(It’s deleted now anyway)

FiestaThenSiesta Sun 17-Jun-18 15:40:29

Bombardier, this is pretty offensive
“, a person commits suicide when they decide they have no value to anyone, that their presence is more hassle than it has value. ”

People commit suicide for many complex reasons. Often, they are also ill. To reduce this to what you wrote is offensive.

rainbowruthie Sun 17-Jun-18 15:55:40

So sorry for your loss.....sending you kind thoughts flowers

Flisspaps Sun 17-Jun-18 17:48:51

@Bombardier25966 thanks for clarifying, I was about to get quite sniffy 😂 strangely the comment appeared to help my sister at that point (she'd asked the PC why he thought DSD had done it), as it illustrated that it wasn't down to anything she had done/not done - DSD made a decision that perhaps someone else wouldn't have done, or even that he might not have made on a different day.

Natalieburney Tue 04-Dec-18 02:20:23

I live in dread every day I come home and my son has killed himself

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