Our DS has returned home , planning to stay with us for 6 months until he moves back to London. We have been paying his rent for the last year , and have supported him financially in other areas, so around 600 a month.
We moved home last year so the first time he is at home with us in our new house for any long period.
We are very (read extremely..:-)) clean and tidy and want our house kept like that. Our DS isn’t , and doesn’t want to comply with our requests to keep his room tidy, keep the house and kitchen tidy.
Big argument the other night, he was cooking dinner for us, but we got annoyed as he was making a mess, using food we had planned for other nights etc. HE stormed out of the kitchen and said he gave up and we can cook it.
The thing is , we know we are ultra clean and tidy and house proud, and don’t expect him to be the same, but at least have some respect and consideration, eg dont leave cups and plates in the room, wipe the bath down, keep his room relatively tidy. When he cooks , be careful and clean. But he doesn’t.
He works pastime while he is studying but doesn’t contribute to anything, drinks all beer and wine, eg bought 8 beers and they were gone in 2 days , he drank 6 of them. Helps himself to gin and tonics etc.
We know we could approach things , maybe more sympathetically, but his general attitude (and other things he has gone ) puts us on edge.
The way we see it, we know we are overly houseproud, but its the way we are, we have worked hard to have what we have, and he should respect our wishes, he is an adult at 23 , and living with us and paying no money.
Is this fair?
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Problems with returning adult child
youngemptynesters · 12/04/2018 15:21
No idea how you coped with him in the house before he moved out?
It does become harder after you’ve got used to not having the mess. Unreasonable maybe, but true.
Much sympathy, OP - we have been/still are occasionally in this position - we’re not particularly clean tidy people, & it’s still hell sometimes 🙄
DS2 has undiagnosed ASD (by the time we realised he wasn’t keen to get s diagnosis) which has made him harder to deal with in many ways, but he’s now nearly 25 & his domestic messiness has actually reduced a bit.
He is a horrible guest though - he’s always surprised, & a bit hurt, if a friend says they don’t particularly want him to stay with them because he’s so messy. I think that might have contributed to his improvement at home!
As far as your DS’s cooking is concerned, could you just not watch while he’s doing it, & then blitz the kitchen with anti-bac when he’s done?
Ours helps himself to food & drink without asking too, but again it’s less of a problem than it used to be. He’s taking anti-depressants regularly now which seem to have improved his attitude to life a lot.
I don’t know if any of this might also apply to your son? Anyway our relationship with DS2 when he’s at home is much better than it used to be & I hope yours will improve too. Good luck 
It's interesting how people can have such different perspectives
My two eldest dc, 24 and 21, are largely not at home any more - one living with g/f and other at university. I'm still at the stage where I love it when they're back, and I happily trade my inevitably (slightly) more ordered life for having the house full of to-ing and fro-ing, music, chat etc. and my youngest not feeling like an only child, for a while! (Nothing wrong with being an only child btw - am one myself, but dc#3 not used to it!)
no way I'd pay £600 pm for an ungrateful man child
Thoughtful, helpful input there, cockmagic 
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