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Between my husband and his adult daughter

(7 Posts)
everlove Tue 03-Apr-18 20:07:33

From the very start before my husband and I got married, his adult daughter didn't and doesn't like me for her father. She always found a way or new tactics to stop her father from visiting me. She whimpers when she talks to her father. My husband's adult daughter who is still single lives in another state. He and her always talk in the phone and even do a video chatting. It seemed to me that their day will never be complete when they can't talk. Even my husband I and cuddle with each other and all of a sudden his adult daughter calls him, he would quickly jump out of bed and talk to her for a longer period of time and he forgets me. He ignores me totally. I am very confused with their relationship between father and adult daughter. I can't understand why my husband talks to her the same way as he talks to me as his wife. He visits her very often which I don't know and he is still supporting her financially even though she has a good job and earns a good money. He gives her gifts. When he buys something for me, he also buys for her. I observe that his daughter is making a competition with me; like what I do at home, cooking and doing some unique stuffs, and everything I do like how I lose weight and what I eat. She is powerful she thinks because whatever she asks from her father she gets. I have a feeling that she is trying her best whatever she can to destroy my relationship with her father. But my husband is not aware. I am no longer comfortable with this kind of relation with him. I tried many many times to handle this situation because I love my husband so much but one day it came into my mind that it is not right anymore. What I need is that my husband has to do something to stop his daughter from acting this way and stop him from calling her "sweetheart". Sounds weird to me.

corythatwas Thu 05-Apr-18 04:38:19

Depending on where you live, 'sweetheart' might be a totally normal way for a parent to address their children. I use that both to my daughter and my son. So do other people I know. If anyone tried to stop me, they'd be out of my life pronto.

It is also normal to have a very close relationship to your child and to talk regularly and affectionately. And to give gifts to your children. And to visit them regularly.

What is not ok, on the other hand, is to neglect your partner. If he does not talk to you, if he is not affectionate with you, if he allows her to stop him from being with you- that's when you have cause to complain.

Abbylee Thu 05-Apr-18 21:11:06

You are referring to something that is vile. Frankly, your accusations are not convincing but sound as if you would like to get rid of her. In that case, you're probably pushing him to her bc he's trying to make up for your rudeness.

It is entirely normal for a father to call his children terms of endearment, no matter how old.

What happened to her mother? It is natural for a father to love and take care of his daughter forever. If my husband bought a present for myself and our daughter, it would be quite natural.

I would get up and talk to my mother when she was alive. She could be using you as a role model but it is not a contest; instead of competing, why not welcome her?

In your case, I think that if you make him choose, you'll be sorry.

DaisysStew Thu 05-Apr-18 21:17:09

You sound weird to me love.

Talking, gifts, affectionate nicknames - all normal. You acting like it constitutes incest and trying to infer that your stepdaughter is in some way trying to usurp you - creepy as fuck.

Catsrus Sun 29-Apr-18 21:01:25

My exH calls our adult daughters sweetheart. Nothing strange about that. A man who loves his children and values his relationship with them is a good man IMO.

Slightlyperturbedowlagain Sun 29-Apr-18 21:09:27

DH is very close to his adult daughter, she lives a long way away but they often text and will chat on the phone every few days. He is often the first person she will tell if she has had a particularly distressing day at work (palliative care) and if he knows she’s struggling he can be a bit distracted sometimes. His face lights up when she phones, I hope mine and his will when our DSs are grown up and call us. It’s not a competition.

greenlanes Sun 29-Apr-18 21:21:01

Your actual english in the post is quite stilted. Are you from a different culture to your DH? The fact he buys you both the same gift - are you a similar age to your step daughter?

Like many posts on here, I wonder if you have a DH problem?

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