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Can things improve?

(9 Posts)
Timeforachange68 Tue 06-Mar-18 09:07:18

I've written before about my strained relationship with my son & things have not improved. Every interaction we have at the moment is fraught & he frequently makes me cry.

I just wondered if any of you that have been through this transition period (teenager to adult) if you went through a bad patch, how did things get resolved? I want to have some kind of relationship with him, he's my son & I can't stand things as they are

Buckingfrolicks Fri 09-Mar-18 22:56:17

I wish I could help you. My DS is 20 and speaks to me in monosyllables. It's so sad; I've been in tears too, many times. I just hold on to those memories of him as a baby/little boy, I DID have that time and he can't take it away.

I just hope time improves things. I'm so sorry you're in this position

Timeforachange68 Fri 09-Mar-18 23:09:00

Aw thank you. I wish it didn't affect me some much. He upset me again today saying he wasn't planning on being here for Mother's Day & then changed his mind and came back - he seems to have changed in a very short period of time & I miss the lovely lad he used to be 😕 - I'm sorry you're in a similar position too

Dancinggoat Mon 12-Mar-18 05:02:55

I think the teenage stage starts later in boys and carries on into their early twenties.

What is happening to their brain is it's trying to be independent.
The way the brain does this is to make them feel hatred, embarrassment and loathing towards their parent.
Boys display it by sulking and withdrawing.
Some get this feeling stronger than others.
It makes them distance themselves from their parents and become independent.
At the same time boys are feeling sexual and are juggling that with other feelings of love and affection.
They hate showing parents affection because it is odd as they are trying to put these emotions into categories.
Some young people have difficulty transitioning out of it. Be patient but say that something is hurtful. It's a really hard time.

Timeforachange68 Tue 13-Mar-18 08:59:52

Dancing thanks so much for that - what you've said really resonates. It's so hard because he has always been such a lovely & loving lad and this period of difficulty has coincided with a new relationship (for him) which seems to be exacerbating the situation
He is my pfb so it's new territory for us all!

Buckingfrolicks Tue 13-Mar-18 18:54:49

Mine "borrowed" my phone charger last night. When I asked for it back tonight, he said "in a bit". I had to leave the room!! Then10 mins later he gets it, and drops/throws it on the sofa without a word.

It's this kind of crap that drives me crazy. They say "chose your battles" so do I let this rudesness go? They also say "don't stand for any disrespect" so should I say something?! "They" being MN of course.

What makes it worse imo is his dad was there throughout and said not one word. It's always me who does whatever passes as challenging bad behaviour in our house. I ducking hate it. TBH I wish DS would live elsewhere

Timeforachange68 Tue 13-Mar-18 22:04:50

The attitude sounds very familiar & I probably challenge more than I should but it does cause friction.

My ds should be living somewhere else (most of the time!) he's paying a fortune for a room in a house at uni & has barely stayed there this year. I think I would definitely find it easier to detach from his life if he was conducting it elsewhere!

GoingGrey42 Sat 17-Mar-18 12:24:34

So it's not just me?
I thought I was a bad parent feeling as though I was losing my son who is now 20. He's no longer the loving boy he was. He can be rude and arrogant with no thought for anyone, I've often been moved to tears which just isn't me, then he's back to being his old self. I know it's a transition phase from boy to man and I really try to support him, often to the annoyance of hubby. It's hard to accept especially as both daughters have been so easy in comparison.

Timeforachange68 Sun 18-Mar-18 13:49:11

It does feel like that doesn't it goinggrey? I have nothing to compare it to as my ds is my eldest - apart from how friend's children are with them & then again everyone's family situation is different.

My son objects to us asking him what he's up to - even if it's only in conversation. I don't expect a full itinerary!

Is your son living at home?

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