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Is it ok?

(2 Posts)
Niki72 Tue 16-Jan-18 13:54:56

I have 3 adults 19, 21 and 23. I celebrate their differences and encourage their individuality. The elder 2 have always been gregarious and social to the point of distraction but number 3 is different. He was a naughty little boy but has grown up into the sweetest, kindest and most thoughtful adult. Adorbs. However he has never had friends and never goes out and when I say never I mean NEVER. At home he is hilarious, confident and great company. He has a full time job where he's popular and has great banter with his colleagues. He goes to uni once a week where he's met some interesting people. Every night and weekend he stays at home though. Recently he was asked to the pub by some old school friends and we all got so excited (obvs didn't show it!) but he found a reason no to go on the night as predicted. He just says he rather be home. His siblings try to drag him out with no luck. To be honest I've always just thought he'll be whatever he we will be and so long as he's happy than it's all good. I do worry that the longer he leaves it the more difficult it will be for him to meet a partner for example. He's so brill others should get to see it. What do you think? At what point does this become a thing? Is there anyway of interfering without interfering?? TIA

EdWest Sat 20-Jan-18 00:51:55

I'd say no there isn't. I think parents like us - I have 3 at home, 25, 22, 17 - have made home a much nicer place to live than the kind of home most of us grew up in. We provide so much more than a roof over their heads, maybe because we remember the conflict of our late teenage & early adult years and we like to think we're doing 'better' than our parents. Or maybe it's just me!

But your youngest son sounds a lot like my eldest - except for the job. He's actually CONTENT to live at home; it suits him. His confidence is easily dented and so he carries on most of his life in his bedroom. He accepts the lack of money, and most other features of life that he misses out on - including any form of romantic attachment. He's cut his coat to suit his cloth. And, like you, I worry about his future - after all, someone has to, and he's not doing it.

I don't see an easy way forward. Friends glibly say, "Kick him out. You've got to be cruel to be kind. Change the locks, he'll soon get the message," but I doubt they'd do the same to their own adult children.

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