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Adult dd unable to finish school due to mh

(3 Posts)
TheWelshDragon Sun 31-Dec-17 06:05:39

I'm looking for some advice on whether I can and should help here.

Background: dd28 moved abroad to the country she was born in about 6 years ago. The country she's in doesn't recognise her A levels so she had to retake the local equivalent in order to get into uni there. She's now on her third (I think) attempt at finishing. Every year she becomes ill and has to drop out because the course is so hard, if she missed a couple of weeks she can't catch up.

There have been various reasons for illness, this time it's that her mh has deteriorated again. She struggles with self esteem, has panic attacks and has been having counselling for depression. Basically her father is an arse and nothing she ever did was good enough. She lived with her father for a while after we split up.

She wants to study medicine or if she can't get in because her grade isn't high enough then science.

I can't watch her struggling anymore. She's too far away for me to help. I'm a single parent to youngest dd and off work due to long term illness so can't fly over to help her plus I can't leave youngest dd alone.

She has no money, only a grant, and owes the state money for overpayments they made. A month ago I sent her a lot of money because she was behind with her health insurance - money I had to scrape together with great difficulty - so that she could be sent to convalesce which I thought would do her good. Today I've found out from my son she's no longer seeing her therapist, not taking her antidepressants and probably can't go to the convalescent clinic. Instead she's hanging out with someone she barely knows and partying wildly. Before Christmas eldest dd split up with her bf and since seems to have gone off the rails. She said she loved him.

She says no one can cope with her frequent tears and moods. She's been diagnosed as adult adhd. She's always been extremely volatile, very difficult as a teenager.

I Want to help her but I don't know how. Ideally I'd like her to live with me so I can look after her, feed her up. I also think she just isn't able physically and mentally to finish school,, but she insists she doesn't want to do anything else. She "can't" work in an office or shop. Between leaving school and moving abroad she worked as a waitress .. she doesn't want to do that anymore. She is intelligent and if she was more stable she'd have no problem finishing school and going to uni.

If she studies medicine she'll be at least 30ish when she finishes uni...

I don't know what to do. I just want her to be happy. I don't know how to help her. Any advice? Sorry for the long message.

TheWelshDragon Sun 31-Dec-17 06:07:36

Sorry for the mistakes - she'll be at least 35ish when she leaves uni.

TheWelshDragon Mon 01-Jan-18 01:25:06


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