This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
AIBU ? Adult child needs to move out ?(9 Posts)
I have 3 children 22, 16 & 14....and I’m about to start all over again with baby number 4 due in Jan 18.
My 22 year old still lives at home,he has a very good job and in the next couple of months will get a pay rise meaning he earns more than I do. I don’t currently ask for any house keeping but have discussed that he will need to start contributing £200pm...
My frustration is that he does absolutely nothing to help. I’m sick of picking up his clothes off the bathroom floor, he’ll leave clothes, dishes and rubbish on the landing and expects that I’ll just move it. If I ask him to help he either just ignores me or he moans and complains.
I know I’ve brought this on myself by doing too much for him but how do I change this now? It’s time for him to move out really but I don’t want him to feel he is being pushed out because of the baby either?
Ps both the 16 and 14 yr old do more to help!
Why don't you want him to feel pushed out?! He is 22 years old and earning more than you. You are having another baby! Charge him market rent and stop cleaning up after him. He's a grown up.
I think you need to decide what you want him to do.
Your title is suggesting he should move out, but then the text is all about 'rules of living at home' and saying you don't want him to feel pushed out by the baby.
You need to decide what you do want - is it contributing financially? Is it an understanding that most people have to spend the majority of their salary on general living costs and you resent the fact he has it all for 'free choice spends'?
Is it more hep around the house?
Is it more 'attitude'?
Or do you really want him to move out ?
Only then does it make sense to sit down and have that discussion with him and make those rule changes.
I want him to be more respectful, help out around the house. At least clean up his own things.
He does need to contribute some money but that’s not really about the money it’s more about him appreciating that everything in life isn’t free and I’m not here just to provide for him. I have two other children and one on the way.
It’s definitely more about his attitude and lack of appreciation that he should do anything to help out or even do any of his own washing, cooking or cleaning!
I’ve tried not doing his washing but it’s as much of a pain sorting out his stuff from everyone else’s and then if he does put washing on he leaves it in the washing machine meaning I have to deal with it before I can do any washing or he talks his sister into doing it for him!!
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
You need to make things less convenient for him. If he is home, then he deals with his mess, as you come across it. If he isn't, you have a system that doesn't involve you fixing it. Like shove it in a designated box. Damp smelly washing a few times should result in improved behaviour. If it doesn't, then consider showing him.the door.
Shove all the dirty washing +dishes in his room. On the bed if necessary. And stop enabling him to continue being a teenager.
If you don't want to sling him out....
All dishes /dirty clothes just chucked back into his room, wet clothes in machine? In bag, into room.
You're going to have to get seriously tough, my 10 year old has more respect than that!
Definitely charge him rent - and more than £200!
Mind you, he might remove himself when there's a screaming newborn in the house.