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Older child

(9 Posts)
user1485851222 Wed 01-Nov-17 20:59:12

1st time post.. DS 25, we are very alike, bang heads, stubborn, (But not all the time). He works, lives at home rent free, saving a deposit for mortgage. He has suffered from anxiety in the past, which has caused me endless worries. We argued on the weekend about something silly and we haven't spoken since. Trained, Eaten, room. Spent a couple of nights at girlfriends, she would normally stay here. Tried to break the row and got told everything that is wrong with me. I admit I try to protect him, and don't like to upset him due to anxiety. But why am I the one that is upset and feeling bad and he just carries on as if it doesn't bother him. I worry he'll move out and that will be it....

BackforGood Thu 02-Nov-17 00:26:01

He is 25. Why are you worried he will move out ? confused

Surely that is the normal way of life - showing that you've raised him to a man as it were?

user1485851222 Thu 02-Nov-17 12:57:19

Sorry I didn't mean that. I'm excited for him to move out. I meant I'm worried he'll move out and our relationship will fade away. It will be good for him to have his own place. I've tried making up and he replied with my faults... when we clash we clash

FrancisCrawford Thu 02-Nov-17 13:00:21

I hope you pointed out your good points include fully financially supporting an adult male in employment?

It can do little for his self esteem to be in this position.

user1485851222 Thu 02-Nov-17 17:33:22

Apparently pointing these things out, is me throwing in his face what I do for him, when we are rowing. Which I must admit I do... heard myself say the other day, you'll realise when you have children of your own

FrancisCrawford Thu 02-Nov-17 18:05:43

Well, seeing as he is so unhappy, it’s high time he found out how much happier he will be paying a market rent, food bills and utilities.

It sounds as if you are treading on eggshells while he is playing on this and manipulating you.

THis isn’t a healthy relationship dynamic for either of you and it sounds as if you would both be happier if he moved out.

It is perfectly normal for adults in fulltime employment to be self sufficient and not expect their parents to pay for everything. He can’t have much respect for you if he’s happy to have his mother go out to work to subsidise his lifestyle.

Foxedme Thu 02-Nov-17 18:12:36

I could've written this myself. I have almost the same situation with my 19 year old daughter. Only she's obviously younger, but the walking on egg shells and rows sounds bang on. She's at her boyfriend's house a lot and I'm flipping grateful. I feel your pain x

user1485851222 Thu 02-Nov-17 20:09:47

Francis thanks for replying. I give as good as I get, so I'm not innocent. He works hard, we get on generally. Just when we do fall out, we fall out. I think i just suffer every parents guilt... he doesn't expect me to pay for everything, he just doesn't pay rent.. I'm just fed up of being the bad guy. But this time I've stuck up for myself

user1485851222 Thu 02-Nov-17 20:11:05

Hi Foxedme. Not much fun is it.. I worry more and feel guilty more now he is an adult than when he was little..

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