21 year old at home, needs to take finding a 9-5 job seriously...

[Tina2010thompson]

Hi, I have 2 boys, one is 19 and in his second year at college, 3 days a week and the other days he works at a fast food retailer and is saving for a trip to New Zealand next year with a friend and when he can, works more hours. He contributes to his keep each month and helps around the house. My other son is 21 and still living at home, he has just finished his degree in photography and has assured us that he would be able to find get a career in this field. As of yet he has applied for a few jobs to no avail. He does work part time at the same fast food retailer as his brother but as he is on a zero contract , can not get full time hours. We have told him on a weekly basis that he needs to get a full time job so he can clear his student loan and start saving towards a deposit for a flat. He just accuses us of nagging him and that we should leave him alone. He is currently in Devon photographing and has been down there since Thursday, apparently he will let me know when he is coming back home! He does contribute to house keeping and runs a car as does my younger son. But does not help out round the house, ask him to Hoover and 4 days later it's still not done. Don't know how else to get through to him, husband doesn't know how much longer he can live with him. We hope he does get a job in the field he wants but this isn't going to happen instantly and could take a number of years. Him swanning of round the South West country is really annoying us as we had to lend him money for his car insurance and he is meant to be working to pay us back. Any advice/ideas? Thank you. Fed up mum.

[AuntieStella]

Are you in Britain? You don't 'clear' a student loan like that, if so. Don't muddy the waters with your DS by alluding to things which aren't quite right.

Talk to your DH, and agree exactly where the lines in the sand are.

Then when he's back, sit him down and tell him. Ideally together, and in a way which shows there is a United front between you, and there will be consequences if he cannot live in a way which is harmonious to you (paying rent, doing chores).

You cannot however insist he follows a particular career path. That's his life to captain.