My mum is feeling low a lot(5 Posts)
So I am not a mum but an adult son. However I feel increasingly concerned that my mother is down, maybe even depressed, and am looking for some help and ideas as to what could be done to improve her state of mind.
She's 60, has been a housewife since she had me, is much closer to my sister than me, and doesn't see eye to eye with my dad much these days. I am sorry to say she literally has no friends, and doesn't see or do anything outside of the 4 of us. It might sound bizarre but she has no real interests. I even suggested tomorrow she take a break from housework, which she says is piling up and the prospect of it clearly makes her feel grim. I said, tomorrow, don't do any housework, have a rest and do something you enjoy. What do you enjoy? Her response: I don't know. How can I help when she seems stuck in a rut and fed up with life but is so utterly unprepared to do anything about it herself? She won't ever treat herself and only finds excuses not to do things, go places, etc.
I have made more of an effort to talk to her lately, start up convos, but we don't have much in common [because she has no interests, passions, or hobbies, there is no way of finding anything in common] and it doesn't get far. She goes round to my sister's daily and spends half the day there. I think she likes this as she gets along with my sister, who has a toddler. Looking after the toddler is one of the few things I have seen put a smile on my mum's face.
Hope some of that background helps in case it resonates or prompts some good diagnoses of what's wrong and what I can do to help her. She is beginning to noticeably age mentally now I'd say and I want her to get the most from remaining years before she becomes old and physically or mentally incapable of doing things freely.
She definitely needs to see the doctor. When people are depressed, they think the way they feel is normal...they literally can't imagine another reality so think even seeing a doctor and getting medication will be pointless.
You could try to encourage her to see the doctor.
But when you say "She's begining to age mentally noticeably" that rings alarm bells as 60 is no age. SHe's not "old" yet. When you say she's ageing mentally, what do you mean?
At 60 your mum is only a few years older than me.
Reading your story reminds me of my own mum . She had no real hobbies apart from housework and resfused to go hardly any where. Always excuses why. She goes to her friends weekly for an hour or two and rarely another friends, yet when I suggested her spending the evening with us she got frantic. She would make herself puts ill at the thought of going anywhere and was always at the supermarket at 8 am . It is about 10 years from she ladt was here despite us offeting to pick her up and leave her back home but no.
You could speak to her dr and get the community nurse to call with her. She certainly needs something.
She is way to young to be like this. You could also try Age Concern for advice .
You sound a very caring person and I hope things work out.
You don't mention if she does any exercise, try encouraging her to take a 20 minute walk every day if she doesn't. If part of the housework that is piling up is your ironing then you should try taking some of jobs on. Suggesting taking a break without helping reduce the number jobs to be done doesn't make them go away. Have you spoken to your sister to see what she thinks?
Has your mum expressed any desire to change her lifestyle.? Has she actually complained about her life or said she is unhappy? I am older than her and I know loads of women who plod along, doing housework, visiting children, watching tv and very little else. To an outsider it seems a sad life, bit most of them are just content in their own way. Not just content, but grateful to be left alone to have a peaceful, drama-free life after years of caring for others. I think that is great that you want to make her happy, and keeping in contact and making conversation with her is a lot more than some people do for their parents. I would begin by asking her if she actually does want more out of life
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