DD's weight

[Maverick66]

Don't know where to start.

DD is 25
Never had any good friends.
Never had a boyfriend.

She has lots going for her, good job, pretty, fabulous hair and very witty and funny however she is a size 18/20 . She has PCOS I think this contributes to her weight going by how her weight is distributed on her body i.e. Huge hips and thighs but small waist, large bust and upper arms. She really has the body of a middle aged woman and not a young 25 Year old.

She is very unhappy in her failure to meet someone and tries her best to meet people but as her friendship group is restricted she doesn't have a lot of opportunity to socialise.

I just feel distraught for her she has so much to offer but I feel her weight holds her back. She just never fitted in as she was always big and awkward even as a child.

She is becoming depressed about her weight. She eats healthy all week and yes relaxes at the weekend but does not stuff her face she goes to gym 3/4 times a week to different classes like circuits and boxercise.

I'm beginning to despair that she will ever meet someone and be able to do all the things other young people do. Holidays, cinema, meeting for coffee or shopping. She has to rely on me or her sister to do these things with which is not great for her self esteem.

Has anyone any experience of PCOS and weight?
What advice can I give her to build her self confidence I've really tried everything.
She really is such a lovely person but for whatever reason life has not been fair with her 😕

[RubaDubMum89]

Agree with having Dr's check her thyroid function. I also have PCOS but am a size 8/10, around 8st 12 and 5"2/3 and just a couple of years older than your DD. I have a few friends with PCOS who are also not on the larger side.
It sounds really rude, but, are you a big lady OP? Or does tending towards the larger side run in your family? Her weight may not be her own fault as daft as that sounds, she may just be naturally that size. For example, my MIL is a larger lady, but goes to Zuma, pilates, dancercise etc 2/3 times a week, walks everywhere, runs around after her grandkids and eats really healthily, goes to slimming world etc but can't for the life of her shift her weight. She's more bothered about being healthy now as after 50 odd years, she's accepted that she will always be a little large. I hope things improve with your DD. Maybe try and drill it into her that, as long as she is healthy, she should love who she is. Not who society says she should be. easier said than done I know, but, good luck!

[VimFuego101]

It's not easy to lose weight with PCOS, and thyroid issues can go hand in hand with it. What kind of diet does she follow? Low carb is good.

[Molly2008]

I have PCOS and I agree low carb is best. Alternatively a friend of mine had huge success with weight loss & metformin prescribed by the GP for weight loss to aid fertility issues.

[Maverick66]

Thanks for replies all of which are helpful and positive.

I would have been pretty similar in size to DD at her age but whilst I had big thighs and hips I had a tiny waist and slim shoulders and arms. DD has huge upper arms and huge ' love handles' her weight is very classic of a middle aged woman. My other DC are super slim and sporty. She is also dyspraxic which gives her a low muscle tone.
I have very much tried to encourage her to make her 'own way' and consciously stepped back and encouraged her to make her own decisions but I think because she doesn't have a large social circle she hasn't developed the confidence someone of her age should have iykwim?

[SelfObsessionHoney]

Low carb helped me lose weight and improve my PCOS symptoms.
Essentially I reduced my carb intake to a small portion of carbs once a day. I didn't go the whole hog and cut out higher carb fruits and veg. But I lost four stone, an less hairy on my chin/neck and my periods regulated for the first time in years, so much so that I was able to get pregnant.

[Maverick66]

Selfobbession if you don't mind me asking where did you carry your weight? Arms or around middle?

[SelfObsessionHoney]

Tummy and thighs, massive boobs. Now have bingo wings due to the weight loss.

[Maverick66]

You know how some women gain weight when get contraceptive implant or go on the pill? That is how DD looks she has never taken any form of contraception.

[OhtoblazeswithElvira]

How much of your thoughts do you share with her?

She has lots going for her, good job, pretty, fabulous hair and very witty and funnyhowever she is a size 18/20

she was always big and awkward even as a child

She really has the body of a middle aged woman and not a young 25 Year old.

I would have been pretty similar in size to DD at her age but whilst I had big thighs and hips I had a tiny waist and slim shoulders and arms. DD has huge upper arms and huge ' love handles'her weight is very classic of a middle aged woman.

My other DC are super slim and sporty.

she hasn't developed the confidence someone of her age should have

You know how some women gain weight when get contraceptive implant or go on the pill? That is how DD looks

Because I would find all that pretty undermining personally.

[Maverick66]

Ohtoblazes I don't share any of this with her.
I always had a weight problem as a child and adult so I have always encouraged her to be the best she can be.
For instance if she says my arms are huge I reply by telling her they're not and encourage her to make most of them by wearing tan and flattering tops.however if we are out and about shopping and every top is sleeveless she feels too self conscious to wear them.

I know where you are coming from and she does look to me for approval all the time but I am very conscious of how I was made to feel and I try to not pass those feelings on.

[Xmasbaby11]

I don't get why you compare her to an older woman. Young women can be overweight too.

[Maverick66]

Yes young women are fat but not in the same way.

[londonista]

I don't have PCOS and was fat because I overate so not the same as your daughter BUT my mum was concerned and suggested we go together to slimming classes. She didn't really need to lose but I enjoyed going with her and found it less intimidating. I lost 4 stone in 6 months. We did it together.

A lot of the problem also is that when you're 25 and obese, often you feel fine - the weight doesn't slow you down that much and also I never looked in the mirror and saw myself as fat (when I definitely was). So I would never have taken myself off to a slimming club as I didn't see myself as really in the same boat.

Maybe instead of "you need to do this..." you try "lets do this together ..."

Just a thought OP, you sound like a good mum.

[Maverick66]

Thank Indonesta and congratulations on your weight loss.
So far I have not gone the route of slimming clubs as I myself, did slimming clubs from a young age and I went the route of building her confidence and the line 'weight doesn't define you' I make all her meals breakfast lunch and dinner which are healthy and balanced.

My concern is her weight annoys her. It is beginning to make her depressed and she feels that this is why she hasn't met someone.

[TitusAndromedon]

I would remove the focus from her weight and re-focus on her shape. Could you afford to help her pay for a personal trainer? It's becoming increasingly clear that weight training has a greater impact than cardio on really transforming body shape. If she has low muscle tone, this will also affect her metabolism. A good trainer could work with her to develop strength and muscle tone, and that might also help increase her confidence because she'll have clear indicators of the progress she is making as she is able to lift heavier weights, do more reps, etc.

[TitusAndromedon]

Also, I wouldn't take her to a slimming club. It feels great when you lose, but when you plateau or gain it's a confidence killer and can easily lead to linking food and weight to emotional well-being. She doesn't sound like she's in a good place for that right now. Or ever, really.

[Maverick66]

I agree Titus re slimming clubs and whilst I myself go to a slimming club I don't want that for her hence the reason I make her meals to ensure they are healthy and balanced.
Good points re personal trainer and muscle mass and certainly something I will encourage her to peruse. Thank you.