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My 25 yr ds has never had a proper girl friend

(28 Posts)
dadap Sat 08-Apr-17 15:56:43

DS has never had a relationship - I believe he has autism traits which present as socially awkward at times. but he won't get a diagnosis. His father has never been in his life and I am a single parent. He has had a couple of very short term but these have not lasted more than 3 dates if that -
He takes care of himself very well and is very respectful etc and is attracted to girls as I hear him talking to his friends on the phone occasionally. He is off on another boys holiday this year to another party island - but I am a bit sad that he hasnt had the experience of having someone to care For and vice Versa . I.e birthdays, Xmas, valentines even weekends or just the company of someone he cares for. He says he isn't gay and likes girls but just hasn't met anyone who is interested in him too. He works and goes to the gym regular,cooks and does his own laundry and 1/2 a month goes clubbing with friends. He also goes out for drinks with work. It seems that none of his group of friends have b/f or g/f. He now gets annoyed if I ask him anything about a g/f. Has anyone had experience of this and do I just stop taking an interest.

OP’s posts: |
MovingOnUpMovingOnOut Sat 08-Apr-17 15:59:04

There's taking an interest and then there's being unhealthily over invested.

He's 25! Leave him be and stop pestering the poor bloke.

PinkBuffalo Sat 08-Apr-17 16:02:59

If he's happy, I would just leave it. I'm older than that and never had a "proper" boyfriend. I'm happy the way I am, so if he is, then that's all that matters. Sounds like he's enjoying life the way it is.

keeplooking Sat 08-Apr-17 16:15:09

If there was one thing I would change about being a parent, it would be the propensity to extrapolate a whole slippery slope of a dc's life from perfectly normal variations in behaviour and performance!

dadap Sat 08-Apr-17 16:19:53

Thanks - I know he would like a gf - otherwise I wouldn't take an interest . But I think I have taken too much interest and he is now fed up with me.

OP’s posts: |
mumofthemonsters808 Sat 08-Apr-17 16:30:07

He sounds like a mighty fine son, me personally I'd be concerned if my young son was mortgaged upto his eyeballs, with a pile of kids to a girl he met at school at such a tender age.I want my boy and my daughter to live a little, he also sounds self sufficient, looks after himself, he works and has friends, he's doing great.

yesnowplease Sat 08-Apr-17 16:32:33

I wouldn't worry. Did you say he still lives with you, though? That could be limiting his 'pulling power'.

dadap Sat 08-Apr-17 17:31:40

Yesnow - he does still live with me and there is no possibility of moving out in the near future - we live in London and he would like to stay in London - also his first full time job so only earning £16500.

OP’s posts: |
HemiDemiSemiquaver Sat 08-Apr-17 17:33:42

I'm a million times older than that and never had a relationship.

Yes it makes me sad for all the reasons you listed.

But my Mum asking me about it isn't going to change anything. It might even make me feel more guilty that she's worried too.

dadap Sat 08-Apr-17 17:35:25

Mumofthemonsters - I totally agree - I wouldn't want him to settle yet not at all - I just wonder shouldn't he be having all the experiences and ups and downs before that?

OP’s posts: |
HemiDemiSemiquaver Sat 08-Apr-17 17:44:48

you don't fatten a pig by weighing it and you don't make your son get a girlfriend by getting on his case about it.

Either he doesn't want one, in which case it's his choice, or he can't get one, in which case he might feel bad about it, but neither are going to change by people asking him about it. The more people ask, the more selfconscious and weird you feel about it, and the less likely you are to ever get one. Believe me, I know.

dadap Sat 08-Apr-17 17:54:41

Thanks Hemi - that makes sense!

OP’s posts: |
terrylene Mon 17-Apr-17 22:25:14

It sounds like he is getting out and about and meeting people, as well as holding down a job and looking after himself. Everything you could wish for really.

He will find someone when the time/place/person is right wink

chloesmumtoo Fri 21-Apr-17 14:33:33

Wow I think he it sounds like he is doing just fab. He may just be very mature and have very mature mates who are not seeing girls as the one and only goal. I actually think having a life being happy as yourself is fantastic. Plus it sounds like he has brilliant life skills. He will definately find someone, I am sure, as sounds a great lad with lots going for him..
I have a ds five years younger than yours and he has had some very difficult relationships with girls (a couple long term ones and some others less so). Don't wish for the stress of relationships if he is happy. I think ds has been through some horrendous ordeals due to girlfriend's and has not been the idealistic romances you may think.

terrylene Fri 21-Apr-17 14:38:57

My DS had a girlfriend from the age of 15, who dumped him when his life was going wrong at 21. They even got engaged. I don't think it helped him TBH.

EverythingEverywhere1234 Fri 21-Apr-17 14:47:26

Oh god, leave him alone!! He might be happy or unhappy with his relationship status, but you asking about it either was will be annoying! He sounds like a lovely, well-balanced young man, the type of man who would make a fabulous boyfriend when he meets someone. I have much more time for someone who is comfortable to be alone than for someone who bounces from one relationship to another, for the sake of being in one.

Aquamarine1029 Sun 23-Apr-17 09:17:55

I appreciate that you want the best for him, but you REALLY need to back off. His private life is none of your business. You've already upset him with your meddling. Just stop.

HuntingSquirrels Sun 23-Apr-17 09:21:35

I have a DS the same age. He has had a few short term girlfriends but nothing serious. It is his choice. He is focusing on his career and saving hard for a deposit to buy a home, which seems eminently sensible to me.
My DS has a brilliant social life and is free to do as he pleases. Sounds good to me.

ScarlettDarling Sun 23-Apr-17 09:23:27

He's 25! He has friends, he goes out on dates, he has nights out and holidays with his friends, honestly, that's all fine. 25 is so young! He has ages yet to find a girlfriend and settle down.

Relax about it and like a pp said, please stop going on at him about it. You'll have him feeling dreadful about himself, thinking he's a loser because he doesn't have a gf!

OutwiththeOutCrowd Sun 23-Apr-17 09:40:55

They say a watched kettle never boils. So stop watching that kettle!

Cocopopsrule Wed 03-May-17 23:27:25

My DH had his first girlfriend at 25. And I was girlfriend number 3. He's mid 40s now and we are happy.

Orlandointhewilderness Wed 03-May-17 23:29:55

My DP had his first GF at 27. I am no 2. He will get there is he wants. there is nothing wrong with it.

mumeeee Tue 20-Jun-17 17:23:14

DD3 is 25 and hasn't had a boyfriend. She is Dyspraxic and has other learning difficulties. She has just finished university and got a 2:2 degree which a few years ago we wouldn't have thought she would even go to university.
Anyway I digress she is still a bit socially awkward but made friends with both boys and girls at university. She has just not had a proper boyfriend. She is happy with that situation as the moment so Dh and I just let her get on with her life.
Your Ds will meet someone eventually

DoubleCarrick Tue 20-Jun-17 17:27:26

I know this is an old thread but I met my dh when he was 27 and living with his parents. We're now nearly 31 and are married and expecting our second child. He's so lovely that I'm amazed he hadn't settled down earlier. Saying that, he's grown up a lot this past few years

Pr1ncessPeach Thu 29-Jun-17 20:07:00

Bit of a turn off to be still living with Mum - he has no privacy so no where to go - I mean you listen in on his phone calls FGS.

I really think you need to back off. He should not have to state that he is not gay to get you off his back

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