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5 year gap - tales of 'success' please I feel like I have ruined DS's life...

(40 Posts)
MrsMargoLeadbetter Sat 06-Jul-13 09:18:19

I know it is the post birth hormones (DD 2 weeks today) but I cannot shake the feeling that we have done the wrong thing with a 5 yr gap. Not that we can do anything about it obviously. Keep crying about it.

DS (5) just seems so old - realtively - and this morning asked when DD will be old enough to play with him. I just worry that by the time she can play he'll no longer be interested in playing as he'll be heading towards tweens/teens. I feel like we have done wrong by him. sad

We chose to have a big gap as we are in close in age to our siblings and don't really get along. We also didn't feel able to have 2 close together. So it was a choice, which I know some don't have the option of.

Just wanted to please ask for 5 year gaps 'success' stories....

FeegleFion Sat 06-Jul-13 09:21:42

Aww OP, massive unmumsnetty hugs!

It's definitely the hormones and tiredness and fretting.

My DS just turned 7 months old today and my DD will be 15 in September. grin

FeegleFion Sat 06-Jul-13 09:22:41

Oh and I'm as happy as a pig in shite with them both.

FeegleFion Sat 06-Jul-13 09:27:09

One more.. I really should have waited til everything was down in one post but I just wanted to reach out initially.

Your DS will be able to help. Ask him to help bring nappies, or wipes and the like as he's a big brother, while she's so tiny. Get him involved in bath time and song time and story time.

When she starts to have tummy time at 4 months he can start to play with her. He can get down there with her.

I promise it'll all be fine, you'll see.

GotMyLittleLamb Sat 06-Jul-13 09:28:05

ahhh, its just hormonal, 5 years sounds good to me!! Congratulations on the birth of your DD. There are 10 years between my DH and my DBil and they get on like a house on fire and always have. When they were younger DH remembers his brother taking him to the park and playing with him loads and now they go to gigs together and stuff, there is 2 years between me and my brother and we get on fine but we wouldn't socialise like DH and DBil.

nextphase Sat 06-Jul-13 09:31:24

We have lived next to 2 families with similar age gaps (5 year currently, and 8 iifc at the old house).
Yes, when they are tiny, immobile babies, it was hard on the older child - but no harder than on a toddler, except they have less memories of life before baby.
But, as baby turned into a toddler - so maybe a years time, the bond between them was fab, as the oldest could actually help with baby.
Don't stress, there are alot of changes happening in everyones lives at the moment. It will all settle down

Congrats to DS on becoming a big brother!

peteypiranha Sat 06-Jul-13 09:32:05

There is 4 and a half years between my brother and I. We are the bestest friends that could be. We do everything together now, and go on nights out, have all the same group of friends etc. I have never met anyone with a closer sibling as me and my bro both growing up, and now.

domesticslattern Sat 06-Jul-13 09:34:04

My darling, it's the post birth hormones. They make us nutty as badgers. If it wasn't this, you'd be freaking out about something else.
Just relax and enjoy your lovely baby and the wonderful relationship building with her new brother, day by day. I had a big gap too with my DC and there are many wonderful benefits. and my brother is five years older than me and always looked out for and protected me.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sahara13 Sat 06-Jul-13 09:35:17

My boys (9 and 4 yesterday smile ) are currently playing crouquet in the garden and have just had a toast picnic together! They can argue mind but on the whole they play nicely a lot although the 9 yr old is def 'in charge' !!
Whilst the younger one was in the baby stage the older one loved 'helping' so maybe you could involve your DS that way?
I honestly don't think theres ever a right or wrong age gap, HTH.

Tobagostreet Sat 06-Jul-13 09:35:47

Awe! Don't be worried.

My 2 DS are close together, but I have a friend who has DD (15), DS1 (9) and DS2 (10m) and they all get on great, absolutely love each other, particularly love having a little baby to protect and look after.

I often see the older 2 out and about together, with her DD treating DS1 to a day at the park, or swimming, etc.

GampyWabbit Sat 06-Jul-13 09:36:10

I think the jump from one to two children is difficult whatever the age gap. I remember feel emotional and sad when Ds arrived when dd was 3.5yrs. It was as if her life had suddenly been turned upside down.
The jump from 2-3 children was much less emotional for me as we all just got on with it.

I have dd (9.5), Ds (6) and dd (2). There's exactly 4 yrs between the younger two and they can play together nicely now. Little dd looks up to both her big siblings and they both love to play with her, despite the big age gap. You're all still adjusting and it will definitely work.out fine!

There's 6 yrs between dh and his brother and they get on brilliantly btw.

MrsMargoLeadbetter Sat 06-Jul-13 09:36:31

Ahh thanks for the quick and nice responses. More tears!!

DS has already been a great help. Even when pregnant he replaced my ability to bend!

He is also really proud of her and when I meet him from school wants all his friends to see her. He also has a picture of them both in his school bag. He just requested that she come to 'watch' him play tennis.

I think all the rational reasons for our choice have been washed away by the hormones!

Thanks again, I really appreciate the space to say this and for your kind responses.

3littlefrogs Sat 06-Jul-13 09:39:52

OP please don't worry.

I have a gap of 10 and 7 years between my eldest and youngest.

It has been absolutely fine.

DS will love his little sister and she is so lucky to have a big brother.

DD adores her brothers - especially when they pick her up from school in the car - her street cred is off the scale!!

She brings out the best in them too - any future boyfriend will have to get past them first! They are very protective of her.

SavoyCabbage Sat 06-Jul-13 09:42:14

I was at my friends yesterday and she has a boy 9 and one nearly 3. They bloody love each other. When the baby was born I remember watching the older one just falling for the baby.

Over the years he was pushing the pram, then picking up his thrown down toys, then holding his hand as he learnt to walk, then lifting him up to reach the water fountain.

Yesterday we were making pizza and he was showing his little brother what to do.

cariadmawr Sat 06-Jul-13 09:51:33

My two boys are 20 and 7 they worship each other abs have done since day one .our best friends had .8 years between theirs and again they are really close .just make sure to involve your oldest enjoy your time ans congrats ri tour family on your new baby

cariadmawr Sat 06-Jul-13 09:52:40

Sorry excuse typos my phone !!!!!sad

BlackDahlia11 Sat 06-Jul-13 09:54:02

Do you know how cool it is to be a girl who has an older brother? Five years between me and my big bro. I used to get badly bullied in high school but when my brother started driving and people saw me in the car with him they were like ohhh he's BlackDahlia's brother. And the bullying lessened. I was of course at times the annoying little sister and we had our usual sibling arguments and fights. But then we grew up. He has a young child and I'm expecting smile We get on great.

Personally, if I have another kid I would want around a 5 year gap partly because of financial reasons and partly because it sounds good to have a sort of independent child (well, one that can use the toilet themselves etc).

Your DS will have fun entertaining his sister when she is more responsive, like out of the newborn stage. He will be protective of her I'm sure as well. And she will adore having a big brother. It's like a security thing. I always felt safe if he was around. And missed him when he went to uni (don't tell him that though!).

Graceparkhill Sat 06-Jul-13 09:58:16

I have DS21 and his wee bro aged 14.

They get on really well and have done from the minute DS2 was born. All DS1's pals have been great with DS2over the years.

We had a blip when DS2 was about 3-mobile and wanted to follow Ds1 and pals everywhere. At aged 10 pals were not so keen!

FannyFifer Sat 06-Jul-13 09:58:57

I have a 5 year gap between 8 year old DS and 3 year old DD.

I found it great, DS was brilliant when dd was tiny, I could nip for a shower & trust him to keep a wee eye on her, he was so sweet with her.

DD utterly adores him, always reacted to his voice as a newborn, DS got the first smiles and giggles.

Trickiest stage was when dd was between 12 & 18 months as she just wanted to do what big bro was doing.

They are great pals now and dote on each other, has never been any jealousy as they at such different stages so not an issue.

Eddie107 Sat 06-Jul-13 10:05:23

5 year gap between DS (15) & DD (10). I worried about the gap at first but it's been fine. I thought there would be jealousy from DS as he'd had all our attention for 5 years but he was great with her & loved to help out.
They have always got on well - usual bickering about daft stuff but they spend more time laughing together than arguing.

TattyCatty Sat 06-Jul-13 10:07:36

There is a gap of 8 and a half years between my sister and I. My mum always describes it as the perfect gap - we both got the opportunity to be "only children" - sis in her younger years, and myself as a teenager after she had left home, but we also have that close sibling bond. I can honestly say that we have never, ever had a crossed word in our lives. DD is an only child and whilst I am 99.9% sure that she will stay that way, it is only now as she approaches 7.5 that I have ever given having another child the slightest consideration. (For those that know me in RL, that consideration is extremely fleeting!!!!)

MarshaBrady Sat 06-Jul-13 10:07:52

Oh don't it will be great. I have an 8 year old and 3.5 year old and they play together all day. I love the gap, so do they.

MarshaBrady Sat 06-Jul-13 10:09:04

Don't be sad that is. It will be fab. When ds2 was born ds1 was so protective and lovely it was really something.

StrawberryDaiquiriPlease Sat 06-Jul-13 10:11:49

I am in my late 20s. My sister is in early 20s. We are best friends, talked on the phone all throughout uni, very supportive of each other and I love the fact that I can help her with all her career decisions now she is out of uni. The age gap was never a huge issue, she loved running around after me when she was a toddler and I always loved having an excuse to play baby games :P

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