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Did you always know you wanted children?

(35 Posts)
AtLeast50Cats Tue 02-Jul-13 19:49:24

Hello all, I've been reading mumsnet for awhile for advice with step-parenting but this is my first post as I have a question that I hope you can answer honestly.

Did you always absolutely know you wanted to have a child? Was there ever any doubt?

I ask because my husband (who is a bit older than me) has three very nearly grown up children from his previous marriage and always made it very clear from when we first met that he didn't want any more children. I have always been fine with this as I never thought kids would be a certainty in my life and it was more important to have a happy relationship whether that is with or without children. Recently though he announced that he had been thinking about it a lot and that if I would like a baby then he would be happy to have more children.

Now I'm confused, I had come to terms with the fact I wouldn't have kids, I love him and his children and I thought that was enough (and 50 cats to keep me company when I'm old and grey). Now I don't know. Should I have a baby? Should you only have a baby if you absolutely know you want one? Is it just selfish otherwise? Does any doubt go away the moment you see the first scan?

Please be as honest/brutal as you like!

50Cats smile

Weezie85 Tue 02-Jul-13 19:59:43

Nope, never really wanted them. My DH and I both said we would be happy either way. After 3 years of being married we started to try as we both felt like it was the next step.
I honestly never saw the appeal. I liked our life, even when pregnant just didn't feel that pull of love that others talked about. Possibly due to being sick until I was 30 weeks.
Then when DD was born and looked up at me it suddenly hit me why people do it.

LesAnimaux Tue 02-Jul-13 20:05:34

Yes, I always knew 100% I wanted babies. From when I was 3 years old. I would have found going to work and leaving them when they were babies very, very hard, but it would have been less hard than never having children.

I am very blessed. smile Although I crave silence. confused

Sorry, that doesn't answer your question.

mrsravelstein Tue 02-Jul-13 20:08:03

yes i knew 100% from pretty much the age when it became a possibility - so about 16. had first one at 28. am now 40, and have 3 dc and would still like to have more but DH is adamant he's had enough.... i find it hard to get my head around the "i'm done at 1/2/3 etc" that most of my friends and DH obviously feel

mrsravelstein Tue 02-Jul-13 20:09:25

i've got friends the same age as me who are still pondering whether they want a baby or not. seems to me that they probably don't if they've made it to 40 without trying to have one.

kirrinIsland Tue 02-Jul-13 20:10:36

I vowed I never wanted children. I was so sure I would never change my mind. Up until I was about 30. Then it just sort of crept up on me! I've just had my second, and it feels right. I think for me it was realising that I was ready to give up some of the things that just wouldn't be possible with children on board - things that previously I couldn't have imagined not doing any more.

I wouldn't have done it if I wasn't sure though - it really does change your life completely.

AllDirections Tue 02-Jul-13 20:12:39

I am very blessed. smile Although I crave silence. confused

Me too!

And yes OP to answer your question I always knew I wanted children

MorrisZapp Tue 02-Jul-13 20:13:29

Nope, and I still wasn't sure throughout my pregnancy. DS is ace but I won't be having any more. I felt nothing when I looked at him after giving birth. Please don't assume it'll all fall into place and be a lovefest from the start. It wasn't for me, and I know now that my experience isn't that unusual.

I think you should only do it if you really, positively want to. I didn't take my own advice though. Luckily anti depressants are available smile

HenriettaPye Tue 02-Jul-13 20:13:52

Yes I always wanted to settle down and have children. I always wanted 3-4, I now have 2 and feel that's enough though!

PoppyWearer Tue 02-Jul-13 20:14:57

Yes, it was always part of the vision I had for my life, just as my sister said from a very early age she didn't want children - we have both stuck to our guns and no regrets.

Portofino Tue 02-Jul-13 20:17:07

When I was young I always assumed I would have some. But I reached 35 without ever feeling broody and tbh didn't feel that bothered. Dd was a happy holiday accident. I was totally shocked but never once considered NoT having her. She is the light of my life now. I found it quite hard at first though.

RNJ3007 Tue 02-Jul-13 20:18:17

No. I was adamant no kids, and no men. And was told my fertility was next to zero.

I've been with DH for 5.5 years and am 32w with DC#2!!!

Things change.

turkeyboots Tue 02-Jul-13 20:18:42

No, never knew I wanted children til I was pregnant. Was a good time with a good man and no regrets.

Pixielady83 Tue 02-Jul-13 20:20:48

Yes, I always wanted children but it was always an 'after I've done x,y and z and found the right partner, house etc' thing - I wouldn't have been over the moon to get pg straight out of uni or in my early 20s. But it was definitely always something I wanted one day and one of the reasons I fell for DH was that he was so pro family. My broodiness increased through my 20s as I watched friends with kids and spent lots of time with nieces and nephews. By the time we were TTC I was desperate for a baby and I think that I needed to get to that stage as even then I still found it very hard to give up my freedom, social life, have less money and put my career on hold. I think if I hadn't have been so keen I might have really resented that. As much as the love you have for them overwhelms you and you are rewarded in so many ways for your efforts, the fact remains that it is a massive lifestyle change so I do think it is easier if it is something you really really want to do rather than something you think you maybe should do.

Bowlersarm Tue 02-Jul-13 20:24:41

No I didn't know whether I wanted their not.

We hadn't even discussed having children at the time we got married, I just didn't think about children at all.

With me, my biological clock kicked in with a vengeance when I was about 30 and DH was happy to go along with trying for a baby, thankfully.

AtLeast50Cats Tue 02-Jul-13 20:36:42

Thank you. Really interesting to read all your replies. Its the biological clock thing that puzzles me. People have always told me it will happen, but how? Do you just wake up one morning and all you can think about is babies?

I'm 31 now - I think I'll give myself a mental deadline of about a year to decide.

Dontlookattheknees Tue 02-Jul-13 20:40:56

I have always known I wanted children.
A bit later than I did and in a relationship but well you can't be picky. But children generally- always

hermioneweasley Tue 02-Jul-13 20:42:22

I never wanted biological kids. Now at nearly 40 I still have no urge to be pregnant and have a baby, BUT my DW always wanted kids and is the bio mum to ours and I love them more than would ever have thought possible.

LoveBeingUpAt4InTheMorning Tue 02-Jul-13 20:44:58

It was never a priority to have a baby, if it happened fine but when I became pregnant at your age a wasn't upset, my second was a shock, totally unplanned, never understood how it worked with 2. Prenatal depression and now god I live him.

kelda Tue 02-Jul-13 20:47:59

I've always wanted children. Without a doubt. Having children has always been my main priority in life, but I also wanted to make sure I had the means to support them - which meant getting qualifications first. I was 26 when I had my first.

BellaVida Tue 02-Jul-13 20:49:12

I never had much to do with kids or babies growing up. It felt like the normal thing to do after my DH and I married, but he was more keen than me. I understood what it really meant when my first was born.....and now I have 4!!

Beamae Tue 02-Jul-13 20:49:28

I didn't always want one, but always knew that I would most likely have children one day.

When we started trying for a baby, I wasn't desperate to have one and still wasn't particularly fussed, we just had to start trying because of my age. Three years later though it had taken over my life and it was all I thought about! But that was because we had fertility issues and it had gone on for so long. I still don't think it was a biological clock thing. I wouldn't say I was particularly broody at all when we started the process. It was more that our lives had reached the point where it made sense.

I know people who have had surprise babies, who weren't even thinking about having children, and who are just as besotted as people who planned and wanted a child.

KatieScarlett2833 Tue 02-Jul-13 20:54:15

I never imagined my future without children in a vague way whenever it crossed my mind. I wasn't desperate for a child but always thought I'd have a couple.
I had a couple, unsurprisingly grin

Fozziebearmum2be Tue 02-Jul-13 21:01:49

I've always known since being a little girl. But I'm 32 and only pregnant with my first (which isn't old but I would have had them much earlier ).

My parents divorced when I was a teenager so was v bothered about meeting the right man who would be a good dad and partner (so we can teach our DCs about a good rship). Anyways it was a reason I left a previous long term rship, my future kids (although non existent at the time) deserved better.

forcookssake Tue 02-Jul-13 21:18:24

I didn't, for my first ten years of dating/sex. It was completely fine and it was definitely the case.
Then, I meet my current DP, he was a different, better guy, and as the years passed it struck me that it wasn't that I DIDN'T want children, but that my choice of previous partners and activities were not conducive to thoughts of parenthood.
Now 1 year TTC grin

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