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Need urgent nursery advice please help!!

(63 Posts)
Whenwillwestopmoving Mon 01-Jul-13 17:33:55

5mo dd is 'settling in' in nursery this week - I go back to work next week, 2.5 days / week. So far she has just been familiarising with the staff, tomorrow I drop her off so she can have her morning nap there. I'm totally stressed now as the baby room leader has told me that they won't rock / cuddle the babies to sleep, or even shush pat them. If they don't sleep, or cry so they disturb the other babies, tough.

DD had all sorts of colicky troubles when tiny, was fed then rocked to sleep, and I have spent so much time and effort getting her into a regular napping pattern, but it looks like its all going to go up in smoke. She doesn't need much help getting to sleep (a bit of rocking and patting as long as you catch her at the right time) but I know for sure if she's just popped in a cot awake she'll cry the house down. Is this practice common in nurseries?

I'm having major last minute jitters about going back to work early anyway, but I need people's honest opinions - should I gear up to having to take time off work in the first week or two to sort this all out? Do babies end up having to leave nurseries and going to childminders because of not nappiNg? Can babies be expelled from nurseries for crying or being troublesome??? (Only half joking...) I did meet a few childminders but the nursery was highly recommended, and a friends kids are in the same one which will be nice as we're moving to an area where I don't know many people.

I think I've buried my head in the sand to an extent as just didn't want to think about this time actually coming - and now I'm wondering if I've really f**cked up putting her in nursery at all.

Sirzy Mon 01-Jul-13 17:49:29

I would get them to clarify. Most seem to be willing to spend some time getting them to sleep but aren't able to spend half an hour or more rocking/patting or whatever one baby to sleep simply because they don't have the staff to do so.

Realistically I doubt that a childminder would be able to spend long doing it either because they also have others they have to look after.

See how it goes though you may be amazed how well she adapts

insancerre Mon 01-Jul-13 17:53:20

Most children will go to sleep by themselves if they are tired enough, and especially at only a few months old.
Babies adapt incredibly quickly. I am sure she will be fine.
fwiw In the nursery where i work we had a 2 year old start and mum said she would only go to sleep if you patted her back. We did this fore the first week but once she was settled we left her to settle herself.
She now goes to sleep by herself at nursery but still needs patting on the back at home for her mum.

MillyStar Mon 01-Jul-13 19:18:11

My 14 month old has been going to nursery one day a week since she was 8 months old

I was also worried about sleep, I struggle to get get to sleep and often need to rock her and sometimes resort to milk. Funnily enough at nursery they put her down and she goes to sleep by herself, she would scream the house down at home and she goes to sleep herself at her nans on anfriday aswell and I'm not sure why!

She's heck of a lot more tired at night after nursery or her nans so maybe they just tire her out more

I really wouldn't worry I'm sure they've dealt with much worse, it's very hard leaving them at first but give it a couple of months and you will both be fine smile

gintastic Mon 01-Jul-13 19:24:32

You know, I would have said the exact same thing about my eldest. She went off to sleep quite happily at nursery (I even stayed and observed unseen by her one day, and she did!). Still couldn't get her to do it at home though hmm

HPsauceonbaconbuttiesmmm Mon 01-Jul-13 19:26:57

I'm sorry, I know it's not what you want to hear but that would really bother me. It's good they're being honest, but DS's nursery are happy to cuddle/sing to/ rock/ push in buggy or leave to cry, whatever you choose. DS was colicky and v difficult to settle and I would not have left him somewhere which insisted on cry it out at such a young age.

LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops Mon 01-Jul-13 19:41:05

Mine settled down for naps really well at nursery, I was amazed.

I think you should trust them, the staff have seen and heard it all before.

Don't worry, I'm sure it will be fine; good luck to you both for tomorrow.

Whenwillwestopmoving Mon 01-Jul-13 20:00:20

I should have been more clear; if baby cries so other babies are disturbed, they get baby up = no nap = overtired impossible to settle baby that evening...

A friend has been given the option of CIO at her new nursery and I wouldn't be entirely against it. It's the potential for no naps at all that's stressing me out!

Sirzy Mon 01-Jul-13 20:01:59

HP - I don't think its a case of leaving them to cry it out, its a case of what they can reasonably do when they have a roomful of children who also need attention.

What do you suggest they do ignore the child with a pooy nappy, or the one crying for a bottle, whilst they spend half an hour or so rocking a baby to sleep?

In an ideal world every child in a care setting would get 1 to 1 attention whenever they needed but realistically that isn't going to always be the case whether childminder or nursery is used. They can only do the best they can with the limited staff they have.

I'm so on the fence on this one I may need tweezers to pick splinters out of my bum.

On the one hand, I have to be honest and say I wouldn't have left DS somewhere that said that. His first nursery made it clear they would do 'whatever he needed' for the first few days (lots of cuddles, rocking and patting, as well as his comfort blanket from home) and then gradually got him to a stage where he'd self settle. At his current nursery he didn't need any of that (as the first one had done so well!) but I still regularly see them cuddling other babies when I go for pick ups.

On the other hand, as others have said. DD may surprise you and not need any of the stuff she does at home. DS eats and naps much better at nursery than he does at home!

Good luck though. It's a tough time, but hopefully she'll be settled soon and you can relax thanks

SkiBumMum Mon 01-Jul-13 20:06:47

They are so knackered they fall asleep! Our nursery was so relaxing at nap time - lavender, music etc!

threefeethighandrising Mon 01-Jul-13 20:08:30

Have you considered a CM? A good CM can be much more flexible than a nursery IME.

We found both our excellent CMs here

Whenwillwestopmoving Mon 01-Jul-13 20:42:32

Atruthuniversallyacknowledged - she was only 8 weeks when I had to choose the nursery so I don't think I anticipated this, and now I have no other options. This nursery said, when I visited, that they would fit in with the baby's routine, which seemed like a good marker of quality to me, and in contrast to pretty much all the others i visited, and had a lot to do with me choosing it. I feel quite let down by them today, actually.

Sirzy of course not, but there seem to be a lot of posters saying that nursery staff can and do take a few minutes to cuddle / rock when needed. I'm in the rep of Ireland but I understand staff: child ratios for this age are 1:3 both here and the UK in all nurseries so if it can be done in some why not in this one?

I initially was set on a CM but because of a lack of local knowledge / connections (and one particular crackpot I interviewed!) I didn't have the confidence to choose one, and thought a nursery would be a safer option. This one has all sorts of awards and accolades sad

WouldBeHarrietVane Mon 01-Jul-13 20:48:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whenwillwestopmoving Mon 01-Jul-13 20:55:09

That's the thing, Harrietvane, it's 'the' nursery in the city. Quite a lot more pricey than any other too, not that that means anything. Otoh I didn't have any trouble getting a place...

GingerJulep Mon 01-Jul-13 20:55:44

If you have the option to delay return to work for a while that might be your best option.

Give you time to settle into new area (join a whole heap of baby groups and get childcare recommendations that way?) and then be really confident about going back.

The nursery sounds little production-line-ish to me.

WouldBeHarrietVane Mon 01-Jul-13 20:56:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

breatheslowly Mon 01-Jul-13 21:00:56

When DD started nursery at 6 mo she would only sleep at home when rocked in a buggy with something over it. I explained this to her nursery and the staff politely smiled and nodded. They had some sort of magical method whereby they got her to sleep in a cot at nursery. She still wouldn't at home. Do ask them what they do, express your concerns and ask each day how it has gone, but it might work out well.

WouldBeHarrietVane Mon 01-Jul-13 21:04:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whenwillwestopmoving Mon 01-Jul-13 21:08:12

Ha, no not London, I wish I was in London! Think
rainy west of Ireland (although tbf the scenery is quite nice!).

My rationale for going back PT (quite a big deal, workwise, for me as I'm still in training) was that it would sort of 'extend' my mat leave for a year, as opposed to taking an additional 3 months then going back FT, which is very full on. Only time will tell if it was a good call. Life is a bit of a fiasco at the moment hence my nickname (all related to DH's career hmm).

WouldBeHarrietVane Mon 01-Jul-13 21:10:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

breatheslowly Mon 01-Jul-13 21:15:24

It may well be easier for your DDto settle now than in 3 months time as at 8 months you would be entering a phase of greater attachment anxiety.

maja00 Mon 01-Jul-13 21:18:15

I would not be happy about that at all - when my DS started nursery at 7 months he was cuddled/rocked/patted to sleep, whatever he needed.

I deliberately choose a nursery that had a small baby room with a large age range, as this allows for the youngest babies to have their needs met more fully. In a baby room that has for example 6-9 babies under 12 months with 2-3 adults it is just physically impossible for all those babies to get enough attention. There is a reason childminders are limited to 1 under 1.

You sound really anxious about this. Are you going tomorrow? Would you feel confident discussing it with them again? As I said, both nurseries DS has been to have spent a lot of time cuddling. The ratios shouldn't stop them from doing that.

Whenwillwestopmoving Mon 01-Jul-13 22:23:24

I'll see how the nap tomorrow goes and discuss it afterwards I think. If she sleeps - great! Thanks all for the help smile

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