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Is "one of each" the ideal?

(35 Posts)
PumpkinAndHoneyBunny Sat 16-Mar-13 13:27:18

I have a DD and expecting Dc2. We don't know the sex but everyone we talk to says how we might be lucky and have one of each. Why is one of each the holy grail? I would be thrilled if we have two girls. Plus I think siblings of the same sex would be nice (not that i think opposite sex siblings wouldn't get on). I would equally be thrilled if we had a boy - something different, a father/son relationship for DH etc. Either way is nice I think.

I don't know what to say to people when I say we don't mind either way and they look at me like they don't believe me.

JaquelineHyde Sat 16-Mar-13 13:29:21

No it's not ideal, some people are just opinionated gits who don't think before they speak.

Trills Sat 16-Mar-13 13:33:01

Only if you think that someone's gender is the most important thing about them.

QTPie Sat 16-Mar-13 13:36:53

I have one DS and an trying for DC2 (currently doing IVF).

It would be "fun" to have a DD (and I could do lots of girly things with her), BUT boys are so great (love DS to bits and he is fun in different ways). So either would be great. Just wish them good health.

ImpatientOne Sat 16-Mar-13 13:37:51

I don't particularly think so, I'm from a one of each family and I know that although my mum thought she was very 'lucky' at the time she now feels differently.

I'm lucky that I have cousins who are local and very similar in age so have had close female relationships although not as tight as I imagine sisters would be.

I know my mum worries about how my brother and I will get on in the future. We fought terribly as children then a reprieve in our 20's but now we rarely speak due to his relationship sad We are like chalk and cheese so rarely played or hung out when younger.

There is the practical issues too of different clothes, toys and activities when younger.

I think it can be great and is seen by so many as a perfect situation but its certainly not always the case.

ReallyTired Sat 16-Mar-13 13:41:47

Families come in all different shapes and sizes. (Ie. number of children, age gaps, single parents, two parents, same sex parents.) There is no ideal and life is what you make of it.

PigeonPie Sat 16-Mar-13 13:41:48

Well I have two DSs and that's ideal for me! I have two fantastic children who are great fun.

DeepRedBetty Sat 16-Mar-13 13:50:40

I don't think there's any useful one liner to give to people who come out with this twaddle. DP and I were delighted to get two babies in full working order and the shape of their genitals was irrelevant. Personally I'm quite pleased they were both the same sex, it means they get to share stuff.

Growing up, I do remember I always wanted to have had an older rather than younger brother. But that was only because I'd have loved to have a go at his gorgeous mates when I was an appalling boy-crazed teenagergrin Knowing my luck this non-existent brother would have turned out a total geek wouldn't he!

Anyway you've already blown that one by having a girl first OP...

pettyprudence Sat 16-Mar-13 13:53:37

I have one ds and trying to conceive dc2. Another ds would be easier as I can just re-use all ds1 clothes (although everything was fairly gender neutral for the first 6 months).

I would like a dd purely to dress her head to toe in hello kitty and because I have a name for a dd but not a ds (doesn't really matter at this point though!). But I don't think thats a good reason for having a dc, plus nowt to stop me dressing a ds in hello kitty grin

DS would probably prefer a dsis as he seems to gravitate towards girls at the moment, but that's probably less about their gender and more to do with their personalities (ds is only 2)

Whatever gender you have, you still don't know who that little person is or will be. Personality is indifferent to gender.

MothershipG Sat 16-Mar-13 14:01:23

I think it is ideal - but only because that's what I've got so to think anything else would be heresy! grin

To be honest before I had DC I only wanted girls but do know what the minute I saw the blob that turned out to be DS I loved him so how could I want him to be a girl???

There are all kinds of platitudes spouted over a pregnancy, this is just another one.

UniqueAndAmazing Sat 16-Mar-13 14:04:10

some people think you have to have complementing and matching everything - so one left, one right; one black, one white; one yin, one yang; one cat, one dog; one boy, one girl.
it's rather silly.

I actually have family members who have commented that they can't understand why my niece wants another child because she'd already got two, one boy, one girl. which is just plain daft.

there is no such thing as "ideal" - what's ideal for you is not ideal for someone else. you set your own rules.

ShowOfHands Sat 16-Mar-13 14:07:10

People are just trying to make conversation with you. The odd person might think it the ideal, but that's just personal preference. If they try and imply it's right for everybody, they're just a bit thick.

I know people who wanted girls, people who wanted boys, people who wanted both, people who wanted neither, people who didn't care either way, people who only wanted one.

I do think sometimes that we grapple about for something to say and it just gets taken out of context.

PoppadomPreach Sat 16-Mar-13 14:11:08

I was completely over the moon when I had my 20 week scan for DC2 as I had, as far as they could tell, a healthy baby.

I also found out I was having a second boy. Wonderful. But gender made absolutely no difference whatsoever at the unbounded joy I felt at having a baby - I truly felt blessed.

I do not understand anyone who feels that anything other than "one of each" is not ideal. I really question their motives for having children if that is the case.

My two boys are utterly amazing, and I wouldn't have it any other way! It is completely, totally and utterly IDEAL!

StrawberrytallCAKE Sat 16-Mar-13 14:21:40

I have two girls and i love it. I would have loved having a girl and a boy just as much but no more or less.

I love that dd2 wears dd1's baby clothes and I can convince my dh it is economical to spend more on better quality clothes for dd1 that will last until dd2 needs them. I also enjoy buying designer bags on the pretence they will be getting their hands on them heirlooms.

Dd1 loves all pink, princessy and girly and I am fully expecting dd2 to be a tomboy so not sure if all toys will be interchangeable.

DoNotDisturb Sat 16-Mar-13 14:25:57

I have one of each and am pregnant with dc3 so one of each clearly wasn't the answer for me wink

The problem is people feel like they need to comment on such things when it is has f all to do with them! Ignore and enjoy your children (which is after all what they are not just pink or blue).

PuffPants Sat 16-Mar-13 14:29:34

It's weird, I agree. I'm pregnant, but only just starting to tell people now. I'm dreading all the "bet you hope it's a girl" comments (already have a boy) because I honestly don't care and it's out of my control anyway so why talk about it? But I know I'll feel that, if it is another boy, I'll have to over-compensate because people will think I'm disappointed. I loathe the congratulating that goes on when people randomly produce one of each. It's not an achievement, it's a random moment of genetics. If you'd conceived a day later it might have been the other way round!

IWillOnlyEatBeans Sat 16-Mar-13 14:31:44

I have two boys. I was thrilled when we found out that ds2 was a boy! I grew up with two sisters and know how lovely it is to have same sex siblings.

I agree that people are probably just making polite conversation though. If you need to respond then just say you will be happy with either!

notimefors Sat 16-Mar-13 14:32:24

I agree people are just looking for something to say to fill the air!

PuffPants Sat 16-Mar-13 14:37:30

Beans, I grew up with sisters too and would say the exact opposite. I would never describe same-sex siblings as the ideal because my sisters gave me nothing but grief. I was thrilled my first child was a boy because I knew it meant I would never have to have more than one daughter.

Which only goes to show that sibling do not get along and play together purely because they are the same gender. It depends entirely on individual personalities - and good parenting.

I agree with the comments that when you announce a pregnancy there's a fairly short list of things people can ask you - commenting on the gender is just lazy chit-chat.

wrongsideoftheroad Sat 16-Mar-13 14:39:24

I'm from a 'one of each' family with a brother 2 yrs older than me.

I have 2 girls, 2 years apart and I envy their set up and would much rather have had theirs than mine.

wrongsideoftheroad Sat 16-Mar-13 14:40:25

But then I think puffpants has a very valid point too! My friend with 3 sisters always wanted a brother. I always wanted a sister!

TeWiSavesTheDay Sat 16-Mar-13 14:42:57


It's more expensive for a start.

I have 1 of each, and pg with #3 all the 'you won't need any more then' folks will be disappointed!

TeWiSavesTheDay Sat 16-Mar-13 14:50:00

I say, for a start.

There aren't really any other obvious negatives! Personality, interests etc aren't dependent on gender after all.

Good luck with your pg.

SunsetMojito Sat 16-Mar-13 16:29:22

Nah! Two of the same gender play so well together, you can share toys and hand down clothes. But thats just me - lazy and tight!

Myliferocks Sat 16-Mar-13 16:33:49

I have 3 girls and 2 boys.
The girls can fight just as much with each other as they can with the boys and vice versa.

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