Anyone tell themselves they'd never have another baby but then did?(39 Posts)
So my DS turns 1 this month and I've found it to be the hardest year of my life. Over the course of the year I have told myself many, many times that I don't think I could face doing the newborn bit (and then some) again. Not to mention the fact that I would then also have another child to be looking after. Anyway, for some reason, I've been putting the things he has grown out of into storage in the loft and keep wondering why on earth I'm doing this! I guess there is a very very small part of me that wonders if I might change my mind one day - although at 37 years old age time isn't exactly on my side.
So, just wondering really, has anyone else has felt the same but ended up having another or should I just go ahead and give away his old things to someone that needs them?!
They always say that you are done having babies when you give everything away or sell the baby bits. But if it is in the loft you are not done yet
I did! DD was a high-needs baby. Wanted to be held all the time, to the extent that I had her in a baby carrier most of the time so I could get stuff done. She didn't sleep through til she was 14 months. For ages I said I couldn't do it again. Then started thinking I would like to experience being pregnant again and doing the baby bit.
After DS it was like a switch had been turned off. I have sold everything, no pangs of regret when I see other people's babies. I don't even have the overwhelming desire for newborn cuddles that I did before I had DS.
I was always going to have two, but no more than two. I've ended up with four. You change, your life changes, memories fade - keep your options open while you're clearly not 100% sure.
Would agree with Nevercan, after DS1 I said I'd rather eat my own foot than have another baby, but all his things were put in bags in the attic as I just couldn't part with them. DS2 is 6m now and I'm parting with his things willingly, without a pang, even with some relief! I look at pregnant women now and all I think is 'thank God thats not me'!
I had dd ten years ago with a very traumatic early induced birth... horrible long labour. Severe pnd afterwards. Went back to work when dd was 3 months old just to get away...
Always said never ever again.
Ermmm. Ds 6 months old is snoring his head off as we speak.
I don't know what changed... partly the fact the nice guidelines changed and I went for an elective section which was amazing. Partly something just switched and I felt desperately broody as I turned 30....
So yes. Total change of mind.
I find the age gap hard but I love them both dearly.
I'm in the same position as you op - still not convinced I'll go through it all again, but everything is up in the loft! I have a ds and everyone round me keeps having dds so I haven't had to test whether I could part with his stuff yet.
Hang on to it, you can always pass it on in another year or so if you've made a decision by then.
For me, I'm going to wait and see if I get the burning desire for a second that I had for my first. If I don't, then no more kids. Good luck with whatever you decide
I did the same as you - kept everything, 'just in case', for 5 years. And now I'm expecting my third in January, wish I hadn't done it, but it's too late! And I'm 39.
It's definitely my last and I didn't say that last time. I still had that inkling it might happen again. This time I want to be sterilised as there's no way on earth I can go through pregnancy again, it's been hellish.
I will miss the pushchairs though...seem to have rather an attachment to those Everything else will be going as soon as we don't need it any more!
I initially said no more, but now that ds2 is 2, I am truly struggling with the idea of never again! Actually, I am actively seeking a window of opportunity.
It was 'when I get a permanent contract'. Now I have one it's 'wait until ds1 is at school'. Hoping I don't find an excuse after that...would very dearly love a third.
I gave all DS1's baby stuff away, absolutely certain there'd be no more. Then had to buy it all again when DS2 turned up three years later!
Oh golly, this is why I need to be totally unable to have any more. I couldn't handle it if it happened by accident - and I used to spend my time wishing it would.
The excitement of conception is quite compelling, to me - or it was, anyway - and I am terrible at being pregnant, it makes me really unwell.
If I could do pregnancy without the sickness and pain and uselessness, I'd have had about 6 by now as I love babies. I just need to remember how dreadful it is, and stop myself getting carried away!
Interesting to hear your stories! Thank you.
What worries me the most is what if the next baby was even more high needs than my first. Despite being quite high needs my DS has always been a good sleeper but an early riser and that in itself has all but destroyed me! I have always needed my sleep and really really suffer without it. I've become rather horrible and ridiculously emotional at times!
My main reason now for having another now would be to have a sibling for my DS. I grew up in a large family and have always appreciated that. Not sure it's a good enough reason to ever go for it though. If I really wanted another for myself I feel that'd help me get through those really hard times but without that perhaps it would be even more difficult.
After DD2 I said I couldn't cope with another horrific SPD pregnancy, I've had two more.
But I know DS is my last, four is enough. I've got rid of everything apart from a few sentimental bits. The thought of being pregnant again terrifies me.
After dc2 dh and I both said never again. We gave away loads of stuff. Then it seemed like a good idea to have dc3 and subsequently dc4...
We are definitely done now though. I don't really get broody when I cuddle babies and dc4 is a 3yo nightmare!
I sold/gave away EVERYTHING in the first year of ds's life, determined I wouldn't have another one. Here we are at 20 months, and I'm desperate to have another one and now faced with having to buy everything again!
If you're not absolutely sure and dc is under 18 months I'd give it some time and see if you change your mind!
Yes, me! I had a terrible pregnancy with DD. In and out of hospital. Whilst pregnant DH and I said we could never go through it again. I then had an horrendous labour. Definitely wasn't having anymore.
The actual baby bit was ok for me. It was easy compared to being pregnant but I felt scarred and that I would never do it again. Got rid of all the baby stuff.
When DD just turned 3 we suddenly both just felt we didn't want her to be the only one. I was pregnant again within a month and now have 7 month old DS (and had to buy all the baby stuff again!). Everything was a lot easier second time. This time round I feel like I might even have a third!
not that DH will agree
I said never again after DS. I hated being pregnant and didn't really like the newborn bit. Plus I had two teenage DSDs. I became pregnant with DD when DS was just 1 (planned pregnancy). I enjoyed it a lot more the second time and still haven't given much away just in case we decide to have another!
mrschristmas makes a good point about not wanting dc1 to be the only one. That's basically our reasoning for now changing our minds! I'd love another one but could cope if it didn't happen, but I don't like the idea of ds1 not having a little partner in crime.
Oh yes . I had DS1 & DS2 and was absolutely certain that there would be no more babies. I sold, passed on or threw away absolutely everything baby related, cuddled friends' newborns without getting broody - everything.
10 years later DD arrived . She's lovely but DEFINITELY the last!!
I gave away all my stuff, got the oldest two off to school
went back to uni
had a surprise pregnancy
I had ds1 and ds2 and gave everything away as we were not going to have any more. Fast forward 14 years and I thought I might be pregnant but I wasn't and both of us were very disappointed so with a 15 gap I now have dd.
Even though I didn't want anymore after dd it wasn't until I had a hysterectomy when she was 4 that it hit me that there would be no more children.
After a vaery hard 18 months with DS1 who was high needs ( cried about 4 hours a day) with reflux, and refusing to be held, refusing to take bottle, and me ending up with PND....
I still wanted another baby. Somehow, deep inside me, I wanted another baby.
As despite all the hard stuff, it was also the most amazing thing. and despite him being "difficult" I loved him so much it was overwhelming.
Had baby 2, who happened to be easygoing and rarely cried.
I get so much pleasure out of their bond, seeing them as brothers, seeing DS1 being so kind to his baby brother. The whole sibling dynamic.
If anything, I wish we had had more babies! I am 40 now, so feel too old and decripit ( seriously bad back mainly) to start again. But I sometimes wish I had had 3 or 4!
Then again, I would never say anyone else should go for more than 1. Do what suits you, an only child fits in wonderfully into the parents lifes.I think a lot of " onlies" like being an only child.
Usually a second child is much easier than the first one though, as the parents now have the benfit of experience. So it will never be as hard as it was that first time!
I gave absolutely everything away when ds3 was 11 months old. I was 100% sure I was never having another baby. I had split from exp and didn't want anymore children.
A month later I found out I was 3 months pregnant. Ds4 is due in January and I am having to buy everything all over again.
I did... and after a 5 year age gap, had my DD2 hehe.
Absolutely no regrets
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