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looking after my grandon full time

(105 Posts)
alycia Fri 27-Jul-12 09:10:32

hi everyone im new on here but wanted a rant moan someone to listen im 32 got 3 girls 17 6 and 3 my eldest daughter has got a 9month old son my grandson who i adore i love him 2 bits ive been looking after him full time for 3 weeks now she doesnt want to bring him up so social services are going to get a residence order for him to live with me my daughter sees him 3 times a week for a few hours but never over night my grandson goes to his dads every weekend my daughter and dad arnt together no more i love my daughter but cannot understand why she doesnt want her son im filling up with tears im going to be his carer but i have 2 little ones my self its hard work and im so tired not much money am i doin the right thing will it get to much for me im sruggling my self at times for money his dad doesnt pay for him is anyone in the same boat as me would like advice thanks and thanks for letting me ramble on if any one has baby boys clothes bundles for him id appreciate that 3 6 months 6 9months 9 12 months thanks so much im willing to pay i have everything else for him but clthes would keep me going for a while thanks again

ssd Fri 27-Jul-12 09:12:40

one word, punctuation

(can't read your post)

alycia Fri 27-Jul-12 09:15:36

soz i am new to this site

HappyCamel Fri 27-Jul-12 09:17:51

Try free cycle or eBay

roughtyping Fri 27-Jul-12 09:18:06

Hi Alicyia smile

My aunt is in a similar situation (except her son is 30-something) and a drug addict, his son's mum died when he was younger). She is a lot older though in her mid-50s and also has an adult son with a disability. She has coped so well and her grandson is treated like her own son.

Are you claiming CB/CTC for your grandson?

KateSpade Fri 27-Jul-12 09:20:26

What has this world become?

Why does your daughter not want to look after her son? No judgement just curious.

alycia Fri 27-Jul-12 09:20:49

hi yeah im getting child benefit and child tax credit for him and i think i can get a residence order allowence for him from the social services but cant get that yet until the residence order is in place but not sure if ill get it or how much its not even really about the money tbh its the time as ive got 2 lil kids myself

alycia Fri 27-Jul-12 09:22:10

she says she cant cope with him but hes so good doesnt cry that much he sleeps through hes a happy little chap

slartybartfast Fri 27-Jul-12 09:27:33

jumble sales are good. carboot sales. ebay. freecycle freegle.
supermarkets also have cheap clothes as does primark and of course charity shops.

slartybartfast Fri 27-Jul-12 09:27:51

she is pretty young isnt she at 17

slartybartfast Fri 27-Jul-12 09:28:30

where does your 17 year old live <<nosey>> ?

Numberlock Fri 27-Jul-12 09:28:46

No practical advice, Alycia, just to say that your daughter is very lucky to have you. You sould like a great mum and grandmother.

Your daughter is still very young herself, perhaps she will change and get more involved as she gets older? It's positive that she sees her son 3 times a week and good that your grandson spends every weekend with his dad. Is this the reason why his dad doesn't pay towards him though, because he believes he's doing his bit when he has him at the weekend?

Is your daughter or baby's dad working?

FallenCaryatid Fri 27-Jul-12 09:30:04

She may not want to look after her son because she's a child herself, as the OP was when she started her family.
OP, is your daughter aware of and using contraception? Because otherwise you may have more than one baby to look after in a few years.
Does your daughter have her own place and is it suitable for raising a baby in?
The father needs to be made to contribute financially to his child, what about hos parents? Would they help share the care and the expenses?

alycia Fri 27-Jul-12 09:30:12

yes she is young but she stated all through her pregnancy she wanted to keep him shes had alot of help off me babysitting ect i bought everything before he was born i just dont understand as i was 15 when i had her my daughter

usualsuspect Fri 27-Jul-12 09:31:17

Car boots and charity shops for clothes.You sound lovely taking on your Grandchild.

Maybe your DD will take more interest as she matures?

slartybartfast Fri 27-Jul-12 09:32:13

i am sure social workers will guide you the best place for free/cheap things.

FallenCaryatid Fri 27-Jul-12 09:32:22

She's a child, who better than you to know that the reality of a baby is very different to being sure you want one before and during pregnancy.
Where is she living?

slartybartfast Fri 27-Jul-12 09:33:10

at 9 months they are just starting to get interesting. imo. i am sure she will come round.

usualsuspect Fri 27-Jul-12 09:33:35

Theres no need for the snotty punctuation posts either.

alycia Fri 27-Jul-12 09:33:56

we live in sheffield

yes the dad doesnt pay as he says he has him every weekend

she was on the pill before baby came along shes not on anything now i dont think and ive told her i cannot look after another baby

she has her own flat in a good area with everything in it but shes never lived in the flat

slartybartfast Fri 27-Jul-12 09:35:12

is daughter overwhelmed?

alycia Fri 27-Jul-12 09:36:52

im not been snotty just need advice i hope she will come round im not pushing her tho i dont want to see him in care she lives in sheffield woodseats area a good area

alycia Fri 27-Jul-12 09:37:38

i think she is overwelmed maybe and she states shes finding it hard

slartybartfast Fri 27-Jul-12 09:38:01

the snotty remark was not at you alycia.

can you talk to a social worker about how you are feeling about this
or health visitor.?

alycia Fri 27-Jul-12 09:39:00

thanks for all the nice messages and for all your advice

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