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Is she having me on?

(17 Posts)
spidermama Wed 17-Aug-05 20:09:26

My dd, who's nearly 7, has been worried about death recently. She's been crying at night, worried about me dying, her dad dying, her dying. The first night she came downstairs and I had a good long talk with her, so did her dad. We basically believe our spirit doesn't just stop but moves on so we explain this. (DH is particularly good at this and describes himself as a Taosit)
We did the bug and the dragonfly story too. The following night the same thing happened and I sat in her bed with her talking again.
Anyway this is the fourth night in a row. Dh is away and I've had a really crap day jam packed with failure. I just don't have it in me to go through the whole routine again.
But she's up there, crying loudly.
I've been up briefly, but I'm wondering if she's trying it on to get downstairs.
I know it's really tough because I remember the feelings well. But I just don't have it in me tonight.

What would you do?

spidermama Wed 17-Aug-05 20:11:41

Should I let her 'cry it out' or will that be too traumatic for her?

spidermama Wed 17-Aug-05 20:14:37

Wa goooo on. Someone must have an idea?

Kittypickle Wed 17-Aug-05 20:15:56

I'd be sympathetic but I wouldn't get into the explanations again, a cuddle, but don't get drawn in, say you'll discuss it in the morning with her again. I've had my DD (6.5) in complete floods tonight as she heard the Blue Peter cat had been run over.

Enid Wed 17-Aug-05 20:16:39

there was another mumsnetter recently who had this I seem to remember

I think go up and try not to get drawn in, say you'll talk about it in the morning, try to chat about something completely unrelated then be firm and go.

Enid Wed 17-Aug-05 20:17:02

x posted kitty !

spidermama Wed 17-Aug-05 20:18:02

Ah! Poor thing. I try to keep my kids away from the news then something sneaks up on Blue Peter to get them. I used to cry about Little House on the Prairie.
You can't shield them I guess.
I certainly can't tonight. I've had enough.

MascaraOHara Wed 17-Aug-05 20:20:18

Have you asked if there's anything else bothering her - school maybe? not directly but maybe, how's school? is everything ok? how's <best friend>.. there maybe something else bothering her as well

spidermama Wed 17-Aug-05 21:04:53

We're on summer hols mascaraO. It's possible though> I'll look into that. She's been pretty cheerful on the whole though.

WideWebWitch Wed 17-Aug-05 21:06:07

Hug her, tell her she needs to sleep but that you love her and you'll talk about it more tomorrow if she wants to.

WideWebWitch Wed 17-Aug-05 21:06:41

ooh, hadn't read other posts but I agree with enid

Nbg Wed 17-Aug-05 21:09:51

Agree with the others. Don't get drawn in to the explanation of it but give cuddles, tell her you will talk in the morning and maybe give her a a nice book to look at and read to herself or maybe put on some music for her.

PennyLess Wed 17-Aug-05 21:10:45

I remember going through this myself. I remember being terrified and I just wanted, NEEDED not to be on my own. I would go downstairs and sit with my mother until I fell asleep, or just about. Can't remmeber growing out of it but I must have done.
Asked my mum about it the other day, like, did it annoy her, how did she deal with it, and she couldn't remember it at all!
Not as a mother, but as a child that went through it, I would go with her. Let her be with you. Will watch the post with interest.

spidermama Wed 17-Aug-05 21:10:53

Thanks. Pretty much took that advice and it seems to have done the trick. It's all quiet up there. Thanks for your wise words.

spidermama Wed 17-Aug-05 21:12:33

Aw PennyLess. I wonder how you got out of it eventually. I can't help feeling it's something we need to think through ourselves in order to get out the other side.

PennyLess Wed 17-Aug-05 21:15:25

I can't remember how I came through it. That's partly why I asked my mum. You could be right, but I don't think I did/could think through it.I was terrified. I really don't know. But it was horrible. I remember the Z Cars theme used to send me berserk because there were always boys being knocked off their bikes and killed!

monkeytrousers Thu 18-Aug-05 09:33:22

The Professionals used to do it to me. All that machismo and people dying all over the place. I was terrified. I was obsesed with death though as my dad died when I was young so I felt the grim reaper was always at my shoulder.

Poor little girl. Hope she (and you Spidy) feels better soon.

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