Is 9 too old to be arranging playdates for ds

[piglettower]

Hi
I recently posted a thread about the trauma of trying to arrange playdates for ds and how difficult it feels at times.
A few posters commented that 9 is too old to be arranging playdates for ds and its more of a case of children just dropping round and that.
This has really got me thinking now about the whole thing should I just be leaving it be.
The trouble is that ds is an only and the only children he knows are the ones at school, he doesn,t play with any children in the street so I am not sure how it all works now.
I am very anxious about ds becoming a loner if I leave things be.
It was also mentioned that the kids at the school should be arranging these things themself at 9 but I am not sure how that would work as parents are still dropping and picking up their children at ds's school.
Ds can be a little shy although he is great when he gets to know others but he does lack the confidence to get out and find someone in the nieghbourhood to play with.
I am really not sure what I should be doing.
Please help I am very confused.

[pointydog]

why doesn't he go out and play with other kids in the street?

[HousewifeOfOrangeCounty]

I have three dc's older and younger than 9 and I wouldn't expect any of them to arrange their own playdates. Sometimes they come out of school asking if a friend can come around and vica versa, but it's always arranged between parents. We don't do playing out.

[ConnorTraceptive]

I think it's fine for you to arrange for him to have friends over after school. I don't have a nine year old but I do remember at this age that I was allowed to play out as and when with kids on my own street and the next street but any further and it was by arrangement only.

[piglettower]

Hi
There is never really that many children around pointydog and any friends he has ever had in the street have been very unreliable.
That is what normally happens with ds Housewife but I feel as though I am banging my head up a wall with some of the parents.

[pointydog]

That's what's wrong with our society, no playing out, no freedom.

[pointydog]

I don't think it's very likely that your ds will tunr into a loner if you don't arrange thigns. Is he fairly sociable at school? If so, he'll be fine.

[piglettower]

I would love for ds to play out but its never worked out.
Is he the only one.

[piglettower]

He is very sociable at school and I have been told he is a popular member of class

[HousewifeOfOrangeCounty]

Pointydog - the only reason we don't do playing out is partly because we are on a fairly busy road and partly because nobody else does. My dc's often play with the kids next door in our gardens, but there isn't anywhere safe for them to play.

[pointydog]

I really wouldn't worry. Try to arrange having pals over if you want but don't beat yourself up if it doesn't work out.

[piglettower]

I do wwant to continue doing it but I feel as though I am the only one doing it I never see anyone at ds's school take a friend home and I wonder if I look odd.
I think thats why peoples comments on the previous thread got me going.

[Butterbur]

Continue doing it then. I gradually phased it out about in year 6 for mine, and let them ring their own friends and arrange stuff. But one of my friends still organises play dates for her 12 and 14 year olds.

[Decorhate]

I think "playing out" nowadays very much depends on where you live. It is not the norm at all where I live for primary school children, apart from a few pockets where parental supervision is a bit more lax for reasons that I don't want to get flamed for debating...

On my street alone I can think of at least 5 different (state) primary schools that the children go to so children don't get to know neighbouring children easily. Plus it is city centre so the traffic alone is a deterrent.

So after school playdates are totally acceptable here till they finish primary school. And even at secondary a bit of parental involvement is needed - all my dd's new friends live several miles away so she often needs a lift...

[PlanetEarth]

I think kids should be arranging it themselves at that age. If playing in the street doesn't work for you, fine, they can go to each other's houses, but I think it should be him picking up the phone not you.

For the record, since I stopped arranging my kids' social lives, one calls her friends to make arrangements, the other never goes anywhere unless her friends call round for her.