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DP 'working away' for 2 weeks, left with 3yo & non-sleeping 7 wk old

(14 Posts)
Jasmum Tue 16-Aug-05 11:19:10

I feel so fed up & am desperately trying to keep a grip on how I feel. DP is workign away on a caribbean island for 2 weeks, he's self-employed, I said I had no problem with him going when it was booked months ago. My 7 wk old baby wakes in the nite obviously, my 3yo doesn;t stop talkign and demanding. I'm in a second floor flat with no garden. 3yo was up 3 times last nite, baby up twice. DP phones and is tired as he's been out in bars talking to celebrities, he's basically unsupportive & say;'s I'm tryign to make him feel guilty for having to work away when I'm upset and exhausted. Other comments are 'it;s too hot to work (he works outside) went to the beach for an hour today, I hope I'm allright in the heat'. I've got MIL helping out sometimes but with no spare bedroom nobody can stay & I am so tired and feeling incredibly resentful when I really don't want to feel like this.
No doubt most would be pi**ed of and I can feel a huge row developing for when he gets home (jetlagged & even more tired)!!!!

MaloryTowers Tue 16-Aug-05 11:20:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Frizbe Tue 16-Aug-05 11:23:04

Oh {{Big Hugs}} Hon, boy do you need them, can you get MIL to take 3 year old and baby out for a bit, whilst you try to catch up on some sleep?
Are there any friends you could ask to help out close by/anyone you could bail out to stay with for a few days who could assist....its a lot to be left on your own with and I'm guessing although dh is away working, he's also feeling guilty, but not showing it very well.....would homestart be able to help you out for a week or so? I really hope you get a good solution to this soon.....more advice girls?

Easy Tue 16-Aug-05 11:33:28

Wow, you really need help here.

Can MIL or some other friend take 3 Y.O. out somewhere, so you can sleep while the baby is asleep? Or would 3 y.o. go to nusery for a day or two (some nurseries will have short-term space at the moment, lots of people away on holiday).
Does anyone else in the flats have a child your toddler can go and play with while you rest in the afternoon?

And altho' you have no spare room, do you have a friend or relly who could put you up for a few days, and help you out with the kids, (maybe even doing a night-feed to give you a break)

This must be soo hard for you, sympathies.

Jasmum Tue 16-Aug-05 11:42:20

Poeple are taking 3yo out but it's the nites & the mornigns I find so hard. I could stay at MIL's house but if I'm going to be up inthe nite (anywhere between 1-3hours) I'd rather do it at home where I don't have to worry about disturbing anyone else. We were going to book dd1 into nursery over the summer holidays but we had some issues with her when baby was born and decided that to put her into nursery would unsettle her further. She went to a childminder 2 days a week but she couldn't cope with her kids and mine over the summer holidays so that came to an end when baby was 3 weeks old. Also did I mention I have no lift so going out is a major expedition. Baby sleeps at unpredicatbale times so if DD1 isn't here & baby miraculously sleeps then yes I can get my head down. Otherwise it's fun fun fun here. Added onto non-stop childrens TV when 3yo is here I think I may just lose it here.

Easy Tue 16-Aug-05 11:49:29

Can your health visitor try to find you some temporary help?

Do you know any students looking for a bit of pocket money, who might come in to entertain your toddler while you get yourself sorted in the mornings?

I'm racking my brains here to explore every possibility

Easy Tue 16-Aug-05 11:51:31

And to be honest, If I was your MIL I'd have asked you to stay at my house, so I could look after you all (cos she can rest up when your dh comes home, but you still have it all to do)

Jasmum Tue 16-Aug-05 11:56:10

Mil did in fairness invite me to stay for a while but didn't offer to feed baby in the nite and as I said I'd rather be up in the nite in my own place then at someone elses - and DD1 stayed there at the weekend but she finds her hard work as she is demandign and MIL is a soft touch & won't say no to her so runs around to her demands and is then exhasted and I kinda feel that i take what's offered but couldn't ask for anyomre.
Thanks easy, I'll be OK jsut having a melt down..

mears Tue 16-Aug-05 11:56:35

Do you go to mother and toddler group? You need to have outlet for 3 year old to run off steam. I would also revisit nursery - toddlers always have issues about babies arriving and I think 7 weeks is long enough for her to realsie life has changed. Will do her good to develop more outside home. Can she have an overnight stay with MIL?

oliveoil Tue 16-Aug-05 12:02:20

Is he away for 2 weeks only or is this a regular thing?

When I was going through hell when dd2 was born and dd1 was 2, I thought that it would last a month (HA!) and wrote on a calendar something to do each day, even if it was only Asda or the park. Then I crossed out the day with a big black marker. Then you can see an end to the nightmare as the calendar slowly fills up with black marks.

Maybe do the same thing for 2 weeks, day out with MIL, nursery, whatever.

Then when hubby gets back, you go out for a whole day (jetlagged or not).


Jasmum Tue 16-Aug-05 12:05:49

She starts her new school at bg/sept so to settle her in somewhere and then move her again in 3 weeks is too much when there's been so much change for her already. Not finding excuses I just feel I've done all that I can & thought of all options I guess I'm just letting off steam.
MIL does have her to stay but finds it all a bit too much!
Sorry, I sound really negative...........

suedonim Tue 16-Aug-05 16:34:53

I'd second Mears and Olive's thoughts on nursery and getting out. I was on my own in a new area with a 4yo and a newborn for several months in winter, with my nearest relation/friend 700 miles away! It's important to get out every day, however much effort it takes. Maybe use a sling for your baby, if taking a buggy down the stairs is hassle. Go to any baby/toddler groups, see if the library has any story-telling sessions (and even if they don't, you can sit there for half an hour looking at the books with your dd. Even little trips to the supermarket or shops help break the day up. And talk to anyone you can - it's amazing how a few minutes chat with a stranger can cheer you up! Good luck.

motherinferior Tue 16-Aug-05 16:47:24

I'd second the local library. They have loads of things on over the summer, and I practically lived in ours the summer after DD2 was born.

ssd Wed 17-Aug-05 07:54:59

where are you Jasmum? I'm a childminder and I'll help if I can

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