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DP convinced that DS hates him :(

(10 Posts)
shalaa Mon 15-Aug-05 19:43:20

Just had another horrid night with DS screaming the place down when DP held him. He stopped crying the moment I walked into the room and started cooing trying to get my attention, the minute I left him alone with DP he was hysterical for a good 40mins before he cried himself to sleep.

DP is now convinced that DS doesn't like him and i'm worried that he's going to stop trying with him. I'm at home all day looking after DS which I love, and DP is at work. DP has started coming back later from work and i'm really starting to worry now. Anyone else gone through this??

bbmad Mon 15-Aug-05 22:39:23

How old is your ds?

My dp could never settle my ds when he was a baby either. If I was planning a night out I used to put him down before I left or I knew he would still be screaming when I got back! He used to do other stuff for him, feeding, playing etc. and gradually things got better as ds began to understand what dp was saying to him.

ds is now 5 and daddy is the best thing ever and he often asks for him to take him to bed!

Don't know if this helps but wanted you to know ithappened to me.

pesha Tue 16-Aug-05 00:06:02

My ds has just turned 2, im not with his dad anymore altho we're still very close and he usually comes round 2or3 half days a week and all day sundays, ds loves him to pieces you can see it in the way he looks at him and he always talking about daddy when he's not here and gets so excited when he turns up but then its like he doesnt quite know what to do and goes a bit shy and gives me all the cuddles and kisses instead. He will sit on his lap to watch tv or read a book and things but doesnt give him the big hugs and kisses i get which i guess is understandable and probably normal but it really hurts his dad i think and upsets me too. Sorry I know this quite a different thing to a baby and i not given any advice just prattling on with my own problems! it just kinda struck a chord with me cos i dont really know what i can do.
are you breast feeding your ds or did you? maybe ds sees you as his comforter and security person as you're the one he's with all day but like bbmad said theres lots of other roles your dp can take on instead and build it up that way. my ds was fine with his daddy as a baby, and any1 else for that matter! its only last few months he been like this.

shalaa Tue 16-Aug-05 19:44:49

Hi, DS is 6mths. He smiles and laughs with his dad but starts crying the minute I leave the room. Yes I am still BF, should make sure I express so DP can give him a bottle at least once a day. It's just horrid seeing DP getting so upset and he really is convinced that DS doesn't like him

Pesha, maybe your DS will get better as he gets more used to the situation? Maybe it's still a bit new for him?

emily05 Tue 16-Aug-05 19:46:27

my ds did this - but now he is 2 he switches favourites between us now! Ds got very clingy to me when he was teething.

Dont worry it passes.

hercules Tue 16-Aug-05 19:46:33

He needs to persist and you need to try to leave them to it. Lots of playing, baths etc.

shrub Tue 16-Aug-05 19:56:02

maybe he could take him out for an evening stroll in a sling? Let him wear a jumper that you've been wearing (try inside out, then when dp wears it he wears it the right way around) so it has your scent on and then give it a few days/ week and hopefully things will improve? also has he tried singing/cooing at your ds. it can take a while just getting use to being relaxed and confident around baby - especially the first. my ds3 also responds when dh is trying to get him to sleep, i consciously keep silent otherwise he associates my voice with feeding.
its just getting the confidence and working out a stratagy together beforehand so ds doesn't' hear your voice.

pesha Tue 16-Aug-05 20:38:37

Situation hasnt really changed, we never lived together and actually now we're not a couple i dont get so annoyed by him so we get on better now and hes probably round more now than he used to be although not by much so really nothings changed. And ex dp/ds's dad (what is the mumsnet abbreviation for that?!) also feel ds doesnt like him although i can clearly see the adoration in his eyes for him

jenweber630 Tue 16-Aug-05 22:41:16

Shalaa - it's totally normal separation anxiety! To be honest - I've not had that much difficulty with that with my ds but a friend of mine had a little girl who wouldn't go to ANYONE but mum without screaming from 6-9 months and her dp, who I think has quite saintly patience, was completely convinced that she hated him and brooded about it for the last 2 months that she was like this and it was so hard on my friend!! They just planned for mum to be around as much as possible and she eventually got over it and is a really social little girl now... Tell your dp not to give up!!

Tipex Wed 17-Aug-05 08:12:47

shalaa, evenings are a funny time for babies mood wise I think. Its often when my DS is tired that he wants me most and yet he normally adores his dad. It may be that hes picking up on your DP's anxiety also. Has your DP tried in the daytimes, when your DS is normally at his happiest? maybe leave them alone for a couple of hours at the weekend to see if thats nay better and get DP to play/sing basically distract your DS.m MAYBE HE COULD START BY PUSHING HIM IN HIS PRAM SO ds CAN SEE HIM FOR A BIT FIRST. mY ds IS GETTING A BIT STRANGER DANGER AND HAS TAKEN TO CRYING WHEN MY MUM HOLDS HIM ALTHO SHE VISITS EVERY WEEK. (sorry for caps), we find it helps if she just takes him a walk for a bit, he forgets about me and then is fine with her.

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