Struggling with toddlers in the day - any tips on "timetabling" to improve things?

[NorkilyChallenged]

I am at home only 2 days a week (plus weekends) so I'm ashamed to be struggling. I know lots of people have more children, less support, in much more difficult circumstances. I'm feeling pretty crap about it but would still like some advice, please, as I want to start tackling the problem.

The problem is me. DC are fine, typical 2.1 and 3.4 yo children, lots of energy, want my constant attention. They play together but I do have to referee a fair bit. But they are not the issue really.

It's me, I just really don't enjoy my days at home. And want to, or at least enjoy them a bit more. At the moment I feel like I'm just willing the time to pass as quickly as possible, I get in a weird depressed kind of mode on these days where I do nothing else (no housework really, nothing else, more time on the computer with them watching tv than I would like to admit). THey are happy enough I think. I get very frustrated with the mess, the effort it takes to do ANYTHING, the boredom, I feel tired and lethargic which is rubbish.

That sounds bad - I do take them to playgroup/soft play at least one morning and we're often out at people's houses. It's a good life but inside I just feel I'm not really doing these days and I hate feeling this low-lever kind of resentment (not of them at all just at life in general or something). Am fine the rest of the time, happy and busy at work so it's just these days.

My only idea would be to kind of timetable my days so I don't even have to think about it. I could timetable it so I had to take part in things and wouldn't allow myself computer time at all. But I have no idea how to even go about it. Neither of them naps anymore so it's a full day. Any ideas? Suggestions?

I'm desperately hoping someone will say I'm not alone in this as I do feel such an ungrateful terrible mother for feeling this way. I enjoy the time much more when DP is around or visiting family but just me and them is... I don't know, it's not good.

[NorkilyChallenged]

Realise now I should have namechanged for this really as sound like a miserable old bat and bad mother. Feel it necessary to add that I do love my children and they are funny, loving, sweet and silly.

[Francagoestohollywood]

Oh my goodness norkily, I feel your pain. It can be a bit claustrophobic. Please don't feel guilty of your feelings.

I agree, a timetable sounds like a good idea. And I agree about reducing the time on the pc, as I feel that I get more impatient if I want to waste time on MN and my children (who are older than yours now) are around.

Have you got one of those Gym Tots around you? Mine love it as toddlers, and it sort of filled a whole morning.

[Fennel]

It sounsd pretty normal to me. two toddlers is hard work.

I used to go out twice a day, every day I was at home with them, when they were that age. to see friends, toddler groups, more friends, more toddler groups, to the park, to another park. Just anywhere. It was much better than trying to entertain them at home, apart from when we had friends round.

I used to more or less enforce a nap and they both had to nap together, that would give me an hour's break too.

[driedapricots]

i think you're normal - and admire your honesty. i mean we all have periods at work where we get bored and sick of it so why not with children too..?!! I only have 1 right now (next one due in 6 weeks..eek) and am also at home 2 days - i admit i have mornings when my heart sinks when i think of the day ahead.
i make sure i book lots of things in the mornings; meet friends and try to do physical things that will wear her out so she def has an afternoon nap which refreshes me to get through the afternoon/evening shift before bedtime. i feel bad that i am sometimes wishing the time away and like you enjoy it much more when dh is there to share the good and bad bits. toddlers are adorable and cute, but frankly can get quite boring. maybe you just need more 'real life' adult interaction rather than the computer to fulfil the other part of you that's not just a mum. Oh, and when i am feeling really sorry for myself i remind myself how lucky i am to have this life and think how much worse things could be...

[Firawla]

i would definitely take them out both days, if not 2x per day..
i have a timetable for my two but its more of a mental time table just to know exactly which groups or where i will be going each day of the week, so that way we get variety and i dont have to think 'what shall we do today' as i already know (well its more for mornings, afternoons less timetabled more flexible)
if you will feel bored doing the same thing all the time then make about 4 different time tables and rotate them, as in 1st week of the month is soft play then park one day, and toddler group the next day, 2nd week is going to a friend then library etc

[Butterbur]

I always found a couple of days with my parents helped when I was feeling overwhelmed. Kids ran to Granny and Granpa for the never ending stories/colouring/drinks/weewees etc, and Mum spoilt me rotten.

Going to my sister's was almost as good, as my kids played with hers until all were exhausted.

Happy days. Mine are 16,14 and 12 now. I'd give anything to have an afternoon with them as toddlers at my knee again. It makes me feel quite tearful and nostalgic, although I remember getting ground down at the time.

[Fennel]

Mine are 10, 8 and 6 now, and it's so very much easier than when they were babies and toddlers and preschoolers. These days it's positively enjoyable and easy a lot of the time. But I remember those days at home with them very much as the OP describes. The mixture of wanting to spend time with them, but the reality of it often being so very difficult/isolating/frustrating to have a day on my own with 2 or 3 of them. And then the frustration with myself for not enjoying it more. Oh yes.

[NorkilyChallenged]

Thanks everyone for ideas and for making me feel less rubbish about myself.

Butterbur - that's what I keep thinking, I shouldn't wish these days away as they're only little for a while and pretty soon I will be the uncoolest person in the world whereas now they light up when they see me . Plus given how I feel, I don't think we will have any more children which is really sad thought actually, dd2 is my last baby/toddler...

Family all too far away. My inlaws (who are totally wonderful) visit often but still.

Yes, a timetable it will need to be. Got very little sleep last night so good intentions out of the window today - it's boiling, the girls say they don't want to go anywhere (wouldn't even stay in the garden for long) and I don't have the energy or imagination to think what to do. If I had a timetable, as firawla said I wouldn't even have to think about it.

Do something regular on Thurs am so just need 2 afternoons and Fri am to sort out....

[BertieBotts]

Ooh I am just the same. I had a good routine going but then DS stopped sleeping at night so we both end up oversleeping and it throws the whole day out.

What I did before it all went wrong was this:

Lists - make lists of:

• Essential household jobs to be done every day/week, two categories, one which the children can "help" with (even if it takes 3 times as long, it fills up the time, and you are training them with good habits for the future) One list of jobs they really can't help with or you can't do with them around e.g. ironing, bleaching toilet.
• All the toddler groups/scheduled activities on the days you have them - just list which ones are on which days.
• List of non scheduled "outdoor" activities - e.g. swimming, library, grandma's house, park, ducks.
• List of "home" activities - do a search for old thread with loads of ideas. Things like painting, playing with building blocks, chasing children around the house on hands and knees, washing up bowl full of water in the garden, bath in early afternoon, doing jigsaws - mixture of energetic and not so energetic things!

Then you can plan your days doing this. I tend to try and split it with being out all morning (gets us up and dressed) either at a scheduled thing or non scheduled depending what's on/state of funds/time we got up - I do NOT allow myself to go on the computer in the mornings or I get stuck here all day - go out and do something even if just for an hour or two. Back home, DS falls asleep on the way back, I have 1-2 hours "off" to go on computer etc, he wakes up and we have lunch, then afternoon is split between housework which he "helps" with and then playing around the house. Sometimes if he is tired in the afternoons we go back on computer/TV for a bit, then I start dinner at 4.30-5ish and start the dinner/bedtime thing rolling. Hopefully he goes to bed at 7ish and I have the evening to myself!

[NorkilyChallenged]

Sounds like a plan BB.

EVerything feels like so much effort even though it shouldn't be. I need to do thank you cards and get the girls to draw in them but just can't be bothered. Girls are being v "can't be bothered" too but guess they pick that up from me. Just takes so much energy, cajoling, happy voice, singing, persuading to get them to do stuff (or it feels like that anyway). Tried to have a picnic lnch in the garden but dd1 saw a bee and wanted to come and dd2 said the garden was boring.... total of 5 mins spent outside.

Grumble grumble. Glad it's not just me. When dd2 was tiny we used to go out every morning so that's the way forward I think. And no internet in morning.

[BertieBotts]

The mess is a killer too - I got some stacking boxes from argos and keep a few empty as much as possible, then when it gets really bad/every night after DS is in bed I go round room by room and chuck things in boxes. One for toys, one for clothes, one for books/DVDs/everything else, one for plates cups etc. (You can probably think of own categories) And a couple of plastic bags for rubbish. Much quicker than tidying up properly and I can empty the boxes into toybox/laundry basket or pile/shelves/etc and anything random left over I can shove the box in a cupboard and not have to look at it.

No internet in morning, definitely. I know how tempting it is to put it on over breakfast but if I shut the computer down in the evening and have toast, juice cup etc ready to go I literally get us dressed, DS has toast in buggy and we go to toddler group. They do a snack of fruit halfway through so toast is fine for breakfast.

[BertieBotts]

Sorry meant to say yes I get the not being bothered thing. I find I feel more motivated though if I just do stuff.

And it's okay to have a down day once in a while - but not al the time, it just drags you down and you feel lethargic etc.

Am procrastinating now where I should be tidying or getting some lunch going.

[NorkilyChallenged]

Lol at making you procrastinate too!

Am going to have A Plan for next week and no more of this slobbing about.

The mess is dire, yes. I need to sort but they just seem to get everything out and tip it all over the floor anyway (and only one room downstairs so no escape).

Mornings are loooooong though, we were up at 5 today (yawn) and morning things are usually not til 10am so it'll be hard to resist the laptop but I know I have to do it for their sake really. And so that I can feel a bit better about myself.

Thank you for moral support though, it really is appreciated. Cannot admit in RL how I feel.

[BertieBotts]

Oh god, don't worry, I have been having a crap week with it all! Have been blaming it on the fact XP didn't have DS last weekend, so hopefully will be better by Monday assuming he has him this weekend as usual.

At the end of the day if it's all gone wrong you can always start again in the morning.

[Othersideofthechannel]

My tip for getting them interested in making cards or similar activities at a convenient time for you (rather than not at all or just as you are about to cook a meal) is to just get the stuff out and start making some yourself. 9 times out of 10 they decide it looks fun or they like what you have made and want to have a go.

Don't waste too much energy cajoling them into an activity there are not interested in. If at nursery or somewhere quite structured, they probably need a bit of pottering around the house finding ways to amuse themselves. (It's good for their imagination!) Having said this, it sounds like you need a bit of structure so you have a set time for getting jobs done and a set time for going on the computer.

Both my DCs like being inside, I used to find it hard to get them into the garden which was really frustrating for me on fine day. But they love listening to stories, so I would only read to them outside on warm days and once outside, they'd start to think of ways to amuse themselves in the garden.