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Parental gross out or "what's your worst tale"?

(64 Posts)
Aragon Sun 14-Aug-05 22:15:47

Tonight I experienced the truth of parenthood. This is that the most disgusting thing can happen and yet you take it in your stride.

This evening I was in the bath with DS (who at the age of 2.5 has decided that no bath is complete without Mum in there too). DS had an empty shampoo bottle which he was filling up and emptying.
Out of the blue he decides to "drink" from the bottle (spitting out the water) while telling me "numma numma" (delicious).
Unfortunately the water ended up being inhaled and he coughed and choked and ......

... (look away now if squeamish)


... vomited back just about everything he'd eaten and drunk during the afternoon. All in the bath water and all over me! Gross, gross, gross!


But with the calm and caring attitude which comes with parenthood I simnple said "oh dear - never mind darling - let's get out and clean up"
All said while cuddling vomit covered toddler and both of us stinking to high heaven.

Emptying the bath was a whole other challenge. Partially digested food and stomach juices don't drain well. I now have a carrier bag full of Bounty, vomit and water (all in the bin).

Yuk, Yuk!

edodgy Sun 14-Aug-05 22:26:17

Ive got one from when i was little. When i was about five and walking home from school with my mum i ran down an alley behind our local shops and fell forwards into a load of dog poo ...sloppy dog poo, I was covered from head to toe my poor mother must have been sickened but still managed to get me home and hose me down!

waterfalls Sun 14-Aug-05 22:38:31

Aragon.

Reminds me of the many times my Ds (now 4 years) has been poorly and vomiting on my carpet, I would calmly stroke his back and tell him it was fine and to be sick if he wants to, while inside my head I am screaming...........NOOOOOOOOOO PLEASE NOT ON MY CARPET.......PLEASE STOP BEING SICK........WHEN IS THIS GONNA BLOODY END.

Hattie05 Sun 14-Aug-05 22:41:06

The day dd walked out of the lobby (where we kept the cat's litter tray) licking something brown off her finger, and then pulling a revolted face .

The litter tray went after that event and now the cat has to keep its legs crossed until someone lets it out!

Aragon Sun 14-Aug-05 22:41:44

Oh I'm so glad I'm not alone. I sort of knew I wasn't but needed MN people to say "hey our kids have done this too"..


Best of all was that DH decided DS must be hungry after emptying his stomach - so while I was cleaning myself and the bath he gave DS ........... a chocolate mini -roll.

Hmmm! Where did I leave that rolling pin?

Aragon Sun 14-Aug-05 22:43:40

hattie05, my DS has been known to take a turd from the cat's litter tray and insert it into the washing tablet draw of the machine.

He can't reach the tray now and, likewise, the cat has to cross her little furry legs until we are free to open the door to the laundry room.

Hattie05 Sun 14-Aug-05 22:47:02

ooooh did the washing machine get switched on??

wheresmyfroggy Sun 14-Aug-05 22:48:42

I was in the queue at mothercare with dd2 in a papuce yesterday when the bloke behind me suddenly looked at me in horror. i looked down to see streams of bright green poo dripping from her nappy all over my leg, shoes and the floor

I also remember a few occasions where we had to cut dd1 out of her vest cos her poo had leaked so badly it was all up her back to her neck

sobernow Sun 14-Aug-05 22:52:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

milward Sun 14-Aug-05 23:47:06

trying hard to not lol here - I know if I do I'll get covered in sick or poo tomorrow....

serenity Sun 14-Aug-05 23:53:01

DH leaves potty training to me, as I am the only one who will catch poo if the potty is too far away. He thinks it is beyond disgusting, I'd rather wash my hands than scrub the carpet.....

Only one more to do......

astonished Sun 14-Aug-05 23:55:41

My ds2 takes his nappy off when he has done a poo so often i don't get there in time to avoid a mess, its a right pain. a couple of weeks back I found he had removed his poo from the nappy but it in a play bowl and was stirring it with a spoon.

spagblog Mon 15-Aug-05 07:42:47

LOL at these! especially the poo covered flannel
Nothing much has happened to us, DD has thrown up and I have used my skirt as a bowl...I guess it is DS who will entertain us.
He likes to try and grab his poo when I am changing his bottom, but so far hasn't got a poo covered hand to his mouth yet.

AlmostAnAngel Mon 15-Aug-05 07:45:05

sobernow pmsl at poo covered flannel!

Fio2 Mon 15-Aug-05 07:49:20

i think alot of people with children with learning disabilities will have had to have cleaned up several poo smeared incidents. Cleaning it up really is gross and when you wash it offf the walls the poo smell gets stronger and stronger, urgh


sobernow, i was pmsl at yours

blossom2 Mon 15-Aug-05 07:57:04

my one happned this morning....

Was changing DD2's nappy - almost 6 wks now - and she decided to projectal poo! after 10 mins, i had lovely mustard poo over me, the carpet, her clothes, changing mat, everywhere. just when i thought she'd finished, she give out another one. after cleaning us up & changing my top, she then vomited over me & the carpet .... not nice and we're off on hols today so the hse is going to stink when we get back...

mjp185 Mon 15-Aug-05 08:43:12

DS2 was sitting in his high chair, nappyless, when he was 15 months old when he held out a clenched fist to hand me something. Assuming it was food I gave him great praise and took it from him only to find it was a lump of pooAlso I was in the bath when DS1 ran in with his potty containing wee to show me what he'd done. I again praised and congratulated until he tipped it straight into the bath. DH thought I was being murdered from the screams

sweetkitty Mon 15-Aug-05 09:20:20

DD (nearly 13 months) was eating cat sick last week.

ninah Mon 15-Aug-05 09:47:31

ds put one of his bogeys in my mouth before I realised

alicatsg Mon 15-Aug-05 10:42:42

DS at about 6 months, lying down on changing mat having just had a dirty nappy removed. Mummy turns to reach for the Sudocrem, turns pack into jet stream of projectile poo. There was an outline of me on the wall behind me in poo. Thank god DH was in to take clean DS while I detoxed.

(mind you DH has had worse - once stroking the cat on our bed one lazy pre-baby morning only for the cat to get... er... overexcited and... um... ejaculate is the word I guess, straight into his face. PMSL)

alicatsg Mon 15-Aug-05 10:42:43

DS at about 6 months, lying down on changing mat having just had a dirty nappy removed. Mummy turns to reach for the Sudocrem, turns pack into jet stream of projectile poo. There was an outline of me on the wall behind me in poo. Thank god DH was in to take clean DS while I detoxed.

(mind you DH has had worse - once stroking the cat on our bed one lazy pre-baby morning only for the cat to get... er... overexcited and... um... ejaculate is the word I guess, straight into his face. PMSL)

mjp185 Mon 15-Aug-05 14:37:13

I did the classic once............
holding DS1 in the air whilst cooing mindlessly, only for him to vomit straight over my face mouth included.YUCK, lots of mouthwash helped!

mjp185 Mon 15-Aug-05 14:40:03

Oh yes, and DS2 has also eaten his fair share of bogeys and wondered in from the garden sucking on a snail shell which I'll never know wether or not was empty b4 or after he got his chops around it! Bigger YUCKS+++

geekgrrl Mon 15-Aug-05 15:21:58

ds (1.5 yrs) is in the habit of taking his nappy off all the time. Yesterday he pooed on his play table, smeared it over the wall, stepped in it and then walked it all over the house.
The worst was a few weeks ago when he pooed on the floor in the hall, rubbed it all over himself and ate some. He was actually quite distressed at the taste and can't handle the smell of poo now - if dd is on the potty doing a poo he'll stand there in the bathroom gagging and retching!

Hayls Mon 15-Aug-05 15:28:45

I've also been holding dd in the air when she has been sick in my mouth. Don't know if it was better that it pre-weaning so it was just milk that came out, even if it was breast milk.

DD always eats bogies and freaks if you wipe her nose and don't let her at least pick them up (even better if she can eat them. She's 19mo.

She chews food then decides it is too hot so takes it out of her mouth for you to blow on. Or else decides she doesn't like it and tries to put it in your mouth.

DD once did a poo on the carpet. She was due to have a bath so I whipped her upstairs and when I came back down the dog was sitting next to a clean carpet licking her lips. The same dog also pooed out dh's missing ear plug.

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