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Bad mother in need of reassurance

(14 Posts)
beckym Sun 14-Aug-05 22:06:40

Ds is 7 weeks old and is generally very good. Last night, however, he screamed and screamed for about an hour, non-stop. The sort of screaming that sounds very painful, and makes a minute seem like an hour itself. Anyway, the more i tried to calm him, the more he screamed.

I was getting more and more upset, and questioning why i had him, and in the end i put him on the bed, and left dp to sort it out. I left the house completely hysterical and in floods of tears, went to the shop and brought some fags (don't smoke, gave up 11 months ago). I calmed down. Then after a few minutes, i found myself completely over run with guilt. And started crying again.

When i came back, 10 minutes later, dp had calmed him down and he'd fallen asleep on dp. He looked so cute. Looking at him then, i was so annoyed with myself for thinking what i did, and realised that i love him so much. It made me feel even worse. When he woke up, i gave him a cuddle and told him that mummy was very sorry, and that i love him!

I still feel guilty. Am i just a bad mother or is it normal to get like this every now and then?

starlover Sun 14-Aug-05 22:08:56

we ALL do it! i virtually threw poor little ds down by dp one evening when we were struggling with breastfeeding and he just screamed when i tried to go near him
i just shouted "he hates me" and ran off to howl in the bedroom

dp of course puicke dhim up and he calmed right down!

it is just one of those things! you aren't a bad mummy... but it is sooooooo stressful, and you did the right thing by taking some time out to calm down.

luckylady Sun 14-Aug-05 22:10:05

beckym_ no you are not a bad mother, I know of times when I have had to just leave it up to DH, or even a friend, i think if you are feeling anxious then the baby picks this up and will not settle so it is better to remove yourself for the situation and calm down for 5. Your DP was prob stress free and that is why your DS fell asleep on him.

jambutty Sun 14-Aug-05 22:10:27

Sounds not abnormal to get upset over a very young crying baby when nothing you do seems to work and probably quite sensible to ask someone else to take over to give yourself time out, but might it be worth talking to your HV/GP about your feelings? You may not want to, just a suggestion.

edodgy Sun 14-Aug-05 22:13:15

Dont worry we all have done it, I still have a breast feeding nightie where i ripped off all the buttons in a rage because no matter what i did dd would not stop crying, You did the right thing thee's times you just need to put them down somewhere safe then leave the room and take a few mins out for yourself make a drink or whatever.

beckym Sun 14-Aug-05 22:19:13

Thanks. I'm very lucky. Ds is a very good boy. I think thats why i got so stressed out, when he wouldn't stop crying. Can't really talk to anyone else about it, so thanks for the support. At least i know i'm slightly normal.

starlover Sun 14-Aug-05 22:21:38

definitely normal!
the fact that you felt so guilty and you realised just how much you loved him proves that!
don't feel guilty... he won't even remember it.

Tortington Sun 14-Aug-05 22:48:07

completely normal

lulabelle Mon 15-Aug-05 11:37:27

I don't think you are different to anyone else! It is a very stressful time and you did the right thing getting away for a bit. Like starlover says, he won't remember it. Don't think you are a bad mother - a bad mother would have no bad feelings about it, the fact that you did proves that you are a very good mother.x

pooka Mon 15-Aug-05 12:43:33

I can remember thinking, when dd was about 2 weeks old and feeding every 20 mins, "My mother is really keen on her, perhaps she'd have her and I could visit occasionally". It was a fantasy of mine in the middle of the night, when I just felt so knackered and incompetent. Within a few weeks the idea was completely abhorrent.

Em32 Mon 15-Aug-05 12:47:44

It is completely normal! Especially since your ds is only 7 weeks old and you're sleep deprived with hormone levels still up and all over the place. Give yourself a break - you are the same as the rest of us, please don't worry about it.

tribpot Mon 15-Aug-05 12:49:19

Becky, my ds is 7 weeks old as well. Everything you have described is completely normal (although personally I would have been reaching for the cab sauv rather the fags!) Sometimes when they are crying inconsolably just a personnel change is enough to settle them down anyway, so handing over to dp was the best thing you could have done in the circs. Also blokes don't tend to get as stressed about a baby crying so they project more reassurance.

So don't worry - we've all been there. You're doing a grand job.

bythesouthsea Mon 15-Aug-05 12:55:50

Would just like to echo what everyone else has said - completely normal and you're doing a great job! @ 7wks old they are clever little things, picking up on your every emotion & the only way to communicate with us is cry! then we get upset! both my dd's were brill, so when we did get a bad 'episode' it was hard to deal with rather than it being the norm. Hang in there - it will get easier!

PiccadillyCircus Mon 15-Aug-05 12:58:39

I remember when DS was 7 weeks old, sitting in bed with DH in the middle of the night (probably with DS attached to my breast) and seriously saying "Why did we bother having a baby?" I definitely meant it right then.

You are very normal.

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